Listen to your head vs follow your heart

Hey bloggers!!

Listening to your head can be a drag sometimes. You could really want something in your heart, but when all things considered, what you want, is not what God wants for you. Every bone in your body could be telling you yes yes yes…but, you cant bring yourself to say yes…why? Ever felt like that? I have, a few years ago back in the days of high school. I met this guy…I have spoke about him before, so look back and check out my other blogs. In brief I like him and he liked me…but nothing happened because I could not bring myself to say yes. And why? As much as I liked him, when I really thought about it, I couldn’t see a long term future for us.

At the time, I thought it was the worst thing I could do. I lost a great guy, although we remain friends…it still wasn’t the same. I look back now, and wow!! That was a lucky escape. He is happily dating someone else and they are great together, and me…I’m still living in the single lane wait for our great God to lead me.

Following your heart. My ex…man…that hurt. I followed my heart for a long time there, but when I got to know him better, things changed. What my heart wanted wasn’t enough. My heart would let him get away with hurting me all the time, and head got angry. My head hated my heart for brushing everything under the carpet, until one day…everything exploded. My head was right all along, but I was blinded by the want of my heart. I look back and thank those around me who helped me put things in to perspective…although at the time, I perhaps did not show my gratitude toward them. People always say…”you dumped him so why are you hurt?” I’ve had this for years, but still, that day broke my heart. I hurt him and couldn’t forgive myself for the pain I had caused. To my surprise he forgave me…I was then able to move on, and seek God’s forgiveness for the pain I had caused His son.

You tell me…which way is best?

peace

girl in the single lane

Is it better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all?

hey all you bloggers out there!!

Is it better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all?

Good question right? Lets weigh up both sides of the argument. What is love? To love someone is to be there for them, care for them, have someone to hold, support and shower with kisses and hugs. Someone who you can turn to always, who will never judge you, who will tell you when you’re wrong and will comfort you when you fail. Someone who will encourage you when others bring you down, someone who will always have your back.

I think anyway…and so the list continues. Someone who has never loved will never know what they’ve lost now will they? So they will relieve themselves of any pain that love can cause.

The pain of loving and losing. Words cannot describe, the stings will cling to your heart for a long time. It truly does pierce the heart. You feel like you are drowning in your tears, and your thoughts are flying all over the place. You feel like you’re being suffocated by your emotions, like what is there to live for? Are all men (or women) going to treat me this way?

peace

girl in the single lane

Ever wanted something you can’t have?

Hey all you bloggers out there.

If you have ever wanted something you can’t have, you how what I’m talking about. I’m sure at some point in our lives, we all experience this, whether it be wanting a game or a holiday or even a person…the feeling is still the same.

Here’s my story.

About a year ago I met this guy. He was everything I wanted in a husband and so much more. He was living my childhood dream of travelling to a certain country and the going to bible college. People always say, if you want to know how a guy will treat his wife, look at how he treats his mother. He treated his mother like she was royalty. He showered her with love. He was tall dark and handsome (emphasis on the tall) and was an inspiration to others. His future is set and he knows what he wants in life which is a big plus.

Anyway…I kept from him, how I felt about him until he told me about this girl he liked. He praised her in every way possible, her beauty, her character and her walk with God. He spoke about how she possessed all the qualities he looked for in a wife, and so much more. Shocked was I to discover he was talking about me. Great, I thought. I found someone who I can trust, turn to, and tell all of my darkest secrets to knowing he will never judge me. I found a great friend. Its funny how quickly we make friends and how quickly we lose them.

Who am I speaking about? That guy who I’ve written about for my last few entries. I thought we had a future together and really did. He has hurt me so much and I can’t help but think…would the one for me, ever hurt me like that? Answer: I don’t know. But here is what I do know. Wanting what you can’t have, is not a good thing, especially if it is a person. Trust me, I know. Because when you don’t get it, after you’ve been lead to believe otherwise, it stings. It hurts so much, because you feel like you lost something you never really had. You feel lonely (if it is a person) empty and upset and in some cases, you feel cheated.

It’s not a nice feeling I know, but with time, you’ll get over it. Don’t try and rush this though, I did and it backfired in my face. How does my fairytale end? Like this…the guy who I thought was prince charming, (I believe) is seeing someone else. All I can say to that is, I hope he’s happy with her. Happiness he deserves and I truly hope he’s found the one he is looking for.

peace

girl in the single lane

Saying goodbye

hey all you bloggers out there!

Ever hurt yourself saying goodbye to someone?

Saying goodbye ain’t always easy…in fact, it can be one of the hardest things to do. I have recently said goodbye to two dear friends of mine, both of whom, I don’t know when I’ll next see. Bummer right? I’m not the best at leaving something behind, and saying goodbye to someone I don’t know that I’ll ever see again. I am no expert. But here are a few pointers.

1. Always plan a goodbye, especially if you know a few days in advance. Prepare yourself, because (if it involves a girl) there could be high emotions.
2. Try not leave anyone out. It’s important if you leaving for a time, to say goodbye to everyone, because you don’t know when/if you will see that person again.
3. DON’T make plans to say goodbye then cancel…that happens too often to me and it makes you feel horrible.

I made my friend a scrap book before she left. I miss her. She’s only been gone a few days. I never got to say bye to her the first time she left…she cancelled on me for her boyfriend. Great eh? But spending time with her this past week, had made me miss her all over again…and the scrap book reminded me of all the fun times we had together. I guess you don’t really know what you’ve got till it’s gone.

Life is funny that way. you walk in and out of peoples lives and take so many things for granted. But when you lose someone, or things change for one reason or another, you begin to see what people around you really do for you. Whether that be, you miss them dropping you off at work, or making your dinner for you….or doing the more important things like…being a support for you when things fall, or being there to encourage you when you need it. These are the things you miss most.
Often you don’t realise it until it’s too late. So people…take a good look at your friends and family and see what they do for you. Begin to appreciate them now and don’t forget to tell them how much they mean to you. Tell them you love them all the time…because you never know when you’ll not be able to say that to them again

peace

girl in the single lane

Feeling numb and not knowing what to do about it

Hey all!!

This has been the strangest few days for me. I had a reunion with an old friend, kinda…I barely got to speak to her. I’ve missed her so much. I handed in film last week, and we got our photos back. Only to discover a photo of my ex amongst them. I couldn’t believe it. Numb!! I do wonder what he is doing with himself these days…if he’s still walking with the Lord and things…but I will never find out. I found some old notes he wrote me too…I thought I had burned them all…I guess not.

I ran into my old high school bully today too. That was so weird. She was so horrible to me, she picked on me everyday until her mother died. She used to sing horrible songs about me, call me a liar all the time, write all over my school stuff and then copy my answers in class. She wasn’t nice to me at all. It was so weird to see her again. Only this time, she has nothing over me.

I guess something else that is still bothering me would be that guy who hurt me recently. It still stings. I haven’t heard from him in a wee while, and I don’t know…I guess I just want to talk to him…but the ball is in his court. I can’t do anything else, I’ve done enough. I just hope he can fit me in before he leaves again…this time its for two years. I wish him all the best don’t get me wrong…him leaving will actually help me get over him.

My dearest Nicole!! She is leaving too, for three years. I miss her already, I really do. I’ve been trying to meet with her since November, and nothing has ever come from that. I’ve tried so hard to keep this friendship alive…now I’m just exhausted. So how am I? I am exhausted, hurt, lonely and want a good cry. I know my God is with me everywhere I go, I just wish sometimes, my friends were there too. I had a bible study the other night, and most of my friends, turned their back on me. What can you do?

peace out

girl in the single lane

I hate you but I love you...

hey all you bloggers out there!!

You’ve hurt me so many times, and I barely know you. I met you one year ago, and what a year that has been. I had already been let down in a huge way before meeting you, but I was blinded by your beauty. I let you in, and you destroyed me…every time you hurt me, you leave your mark. The wounds heal and I move on…I’m stronger than that…but this time…I can hardly breathe. People ask what’s wrong…and I choke when I try and tell them. I feeling like I’m drowning, help help!!! Anyone!! Is there anyone out there who can take away this agony?


Why did you do this to me? Did I hurt you that badly that you would do something so terrible to me? I guess it’s my own fault thought right? I was warned against you, and I still let you in…I let you in to my unguarded heart, and you pierced it…you cut it deep. Now what? What can I do now? I hate you but I love you…I can’t stop thinking of you.

i don’t even know how I feel anymore…I’m kinda at that numb stage. I’m past anger, but I’m still hurting. I’m at that stage where I cry myself to sleep at night, hugging my pillow, just to release some of the pain. I can’t let it out during the day, because it affects too many other people, and it’s not fair. I can’t let my pain affect those around me…it’s my pain, let me deal with it.

peace

girl in the single lane