long time no see

hey bloggers!! how you been? so my last post was a while back, and boy have I changed. That guy I met at my work, well, he was truly going to change my life. I will tell you all about him some day. For now all you need to know is, this mystery man from Manchester, melted my heart and would forever be a part of my life. We fell in love, and could have been married, but fate had something else planned. I will share his story one day, when the world is ready to hear it. Since his passing, I have been through a lot in my life. Plodding along in the single lane, is not always easy. I understand that now more than ever. Sitting here, I have just come out of a relationship, which honestly, should have ended a few months ago, but stubborn me, I desperately tried to honour God and His plan, and wanted to make this relationship work. There were a lot of good times, don't get me wrong. He was good to me, and so sensitive which I loved. But things change and people change. I'm not here to pass blame, it just ended, as relationships do. Where am I now? I'm single and seeking the Lord. I'm happier now than I have been for a while and a huge weight has been lifted. I am working away trying to honour God in my job, and doing well professionally. Will I forever remain in the Single lane? Well maybe, maybe not. That's not for me to decide. If the Lord blesses me with someone else one day, let it be...if not, that's OK. I truly believe it is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all. And although I have loved and lost, he's not lost, he waits for me on the other side. will be in touch peace

update

Hello all my blogging friends out there!!

How are you all?? It’s been a while since my last blog, I know…sorry Paul!!
Looking back to my previous few blogs, I must apologise for my harsh tone. I guess sometimes we try so hard to convince ourselves that everything is ok, when truth be told, it may not be. Travelling in the single lane does have its benefits by the way, it isn’t all bad. Not that I am an expert, I am not, by no means. I just write what I know, from my own life.

So, after following this diversion sign, for what felt like the longest time ever, God showed me a cut off. Better than that, He showed me a few. After leaving University after completing my degree in January, I considered many options, teaching maths (the love of my life), doing career guidance, care work, and payroll. So I applied for University, and jobs left, right and centre. I got 3 interviews, Yuk!! Two for jobs, and one for University, to do career guidance. After not getting the first job, I was frustrated, to be honest, not understanding why I didn’t get it. However, God is good, and I was successful in my other two interviews, which presented more problems. Here I was driving around this roundabout for ages, and now God had shown me 2 exits.

After a long time spent in prayer, I was still none the wiser, so I went to job, Care worker. Though I’d try it for a week, and see if God was telling me anything. I hated it, didn’t know anything about Dementia, and wanted to go back to University. But going back to University was the easy option, not necessarily the right one. After watching a DVD at church that night, it was made clear to me take the job.

Four months later, I love this job, more than I ever thought I would. It still amazes me that my creator knows me better that I know myself. He is teaching me so much in the job, about His grace and Compassion, and He reminds me daily, that He loves these people. Even though sometimes they bug me, annoy me, kick me till I’m black and blue…God still loves them and so do I.

As for my “single life”, still there, but that’s ok. I am very stubborn in that. This guy I met through work likes me. He’s a great guy, don’t get me wrong, and we have a lot in common, but there is 1 thing we disagree on, which has prevented this developing beyond friendship. We have different views on God, I see Him as my saviour and Father, and this guy wants nothing to do with him. Each to their own. If there’s one thing I learned at school it’s this, you cannot force your religion onto others.

So, yeh I’m still single, loving my job and Christ, and life is good. I can’t complain really can I?

Peace

Enchanted - ever ever after

A fairytale like fantasy film, where true love falls at your doorstep. Allow me to set the scene. You meet this guy somewhere random, and you always seem to see him again in more random places. You get to know this person, and find out you have common interests, and get along great. Every time you are around this person…you feel an awkward tension between you both, but you don’t let this get the better of you. You get butterflies every time you talk to that person, and like everything about them. When you are in the same room as this person, although you try not to make it obvious, you can’t stop looking at him, secretly hoping he is looking back. You pray for him everyday, and would do anything to protect him. True love??

Not at all. The reality is, the feelings, and tension, and awkwardness, is all fairytale fantasy. It’s make-belief. Disney and many others, would have you believe that, if you feel all this for one person, then that’s your true love. I think for all you single people out there, there is a sense in which we want to believe it…and many sadly do.

To my ex, I know you’ll never read this, but three years ago, I felt all of these things for you. I thought without a doubt, we were meant to be together. I know you felt it too. I know back then, we couldn’t have imagined life without each other. (Look at us now) I know when you whispered in my ear “I love you” you meant it with all of your heart. I heard your passion, when we talked about our wedding, and felt the love you had for me, every time we touched. What this was, I can not explain. But here’s what I can, it felt real at the time, and I would not have traded it in for anything. It felt like a God-given love between two people that was unbreakable. But almost exactly three years later, I view things slightly differently. You’re engaged to someone else, and I’m plodding along in the single lane…but I’m doing great here.

Life is full of surprises, and although sometimes we wish and hope that “true love” is something that actually exists, when you have been hurt as many times as I have, the concept is difficult to accept. I’m not saying whether “true love” exists or not, what I’m saying is, I’m not sure if I believe in it anymore.

Peace

Girl in the single lane

Since you've been gone

Here's the thing we started off friends
It was cool but it was all pretend
Yeah yeah
Since you've been gone

You dedicated you took the time
Wasn't long till I called you mine
Yeah
Since you've been gone

And all you'd ever hear me say
Is how I pictured me with you
That's all you'd ever hear me say

But since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you
Now I get
What I want
Since you've been gone

How can I put it? you put me on
I even fell for that stupid love song
Yeah yeah
Since you've been gone

How come I never hear you say
I just wanna be with you
I guess you never felt that way

But since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you
Now I get
I get what I want
Since you've been gone

You had your chance you blew it
Out of sight, out of mind
Shut your mouth I just can't take it
Again and again and again and again

Since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get
I get what I want
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get (I get)
You should know (you should know)
That I get
I get what I want
Since you've been gone
Since you've been gone
Since you've been gone

peace

girl in the single lane

Behind these hazel eyes

Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

peace

girl in the single lane

Walk away from your past

Dear my past

So, I let you go three years ago, maybe it’s time you let me go. Year after year you try and contact me again, why?? Do you have unfinished business? Is there something you are trying to tell me?

We tried the whole “let’s just be friends” thing and it didn’t work. Don’t you remember? Our paths cross many years ago, and to be honest, there is no reason why they should cross again, so stop trying to make them cross. I’m not interested. I could sit here and spend hours writing about the pain you caused me, but what would that achieve?

It was too painful the first time we tried to be friends, so a year past without a second thought. You got back in touch and yeh…we thought it could have been ok…but then you accused me of having feelings for you again! Are you serious?? If this happens every time you get in touch…a friendship here will never be possible.

You are my past, and I left you behind me all those years ago. I can do nothing beneficial for you right now, and therefore see no reason why I should be part of your life. So let me go!!

I can appreciate that letting go of something, or someone can be very hard, especially someone you were emotionally attached to. But three years have past now, will little communication made between us, do you think you could now let this go??

You are probably now a very happily engaged man, and if you are, congratulations, I am happy for you. But please don’t feel sorry for me, because I am still single, for it is by choice that I am. I don’t want to settle for anything less that what God has in store for me, and neither should you.

Walk away from me now, and get on with life. Life as you know I, will change when you let go of your past.

peace

girl in the single lane

It is you I have loved...

hey there bloggers!!
cheating again by using another video...but i just really liked the song! and i guess it sums up how i'm feeling at the moment!

enjoy!



peace

girl in the single lane

I can't make you love me

hey bloggers!

ever felt like this?


peace

girl in the single lane