But then I miss you, most at Christmas time

Hey bloggers out there,

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Well, this Christmas has been like no other, in fact the whole month has been a little crazy. I’ve had a tough month at University and my placement, but I’m getting through it now. December 15th, I had a crap day, but a really good night. I was at a friend’s house with other CU committee members, and it was a lot of fun. It was three years that day, that my grandmother went home to be with the Lord. It was good just to be able to have a fun, and still remember her. Thank you to those who entertained me that night.

Then there was Christmas. After reading my previous entry, you will know that my ex is back in touch with me. The title is for you. I’m not going to lie, it wasn’t easy hearing from him again, especially at this time of year, when we spent our last days together. When he got in touch, it was around that time of year, that I stayed with his parents for a few days…how strange is that? I am so glad he got in touch though, do not be mistaken. It is still a little strange, but obviously, we were so close, please know, we had a lovely relationship. In fact this time, two years ago, we went to the pictures, and he let me pick the film. I’m sure he quickly regretted that when I picked the only chick flick there was, “Ella Enchanted”. To my surprise, my mother bought me this film for my Christmas this year. As I opened the neatly wrapped gift, a whirlwind of memories came rushing back. Wow!!!! The only thing about the film I remembered, was that the prince found his queen. I remember thinking, I had found my prince, as my ex and I watched the film together. How things have changed.

New year and Christmas, are always tough times of year for a lot of people. Since my grandmother went home, there was a stronger relationship with my cousins. It’s crazy how something so tragic can bring people together, but it happens...too often. However, this year has been tough. With my father going into hospital for an operation the week before Christmas, and having to go into hospital on Christmas day, it was obvious, the normal routine would change. Thankfully, he is doing well, although, bless his heart, he still walks like John Wayne from time to time.

Christmas, this year was going to be different for another reason too. As I mentioned before, the relationship with my cousins was beginning to grow stronger. Well, not anymore. Since a disagreement with my family and theirs, little communication has taken place. My father made a decision not to attend my cousins engagement party, as her fiancé is not a Christian. My whole family backed my father, as did the bible, but still, my cousins disagreed. Thousands would disagree with what my family did, but I don’t. Marrying a non-Christian, is like giving yourself away to the world of darkness. Why would anyone ask their father to do that?

The real meaning of Christmas, is Christ and His birth. “For unto us a child is born” our King was born, in a stable. How awesome is that? Here’s a rap that I co-wrote and performed at my church this year. It was great, I managed to get the pastor of the church to take part, it was a good laugh. If you know the theme tone to “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air”, think of this rap as, ”The Fresh King Who’s Just and Fair”

Mary ~ Yo, this is the story all about how, my life got flipped-turned upside down. I’d like to take a minute, so sit right there, I’ll tell you how I bore the King who is just and fair.

Joseph ~ In Bethlehem born in the stable bare, there was no room in the inn, that’s why we were there. There was our Son, lying in a manger, yet He was the Messiah, what could be stranger?

Jesus ~ A King name Herod was up to no good, started killing babies, in my neighbourhood. One word from an angel and my parents got scared, they said “We’re moving with you auntie and uncle over there” (point to Bethlehem sign)

Shepherd # 1 ~ We saw a strange sight, and when we got near

Shepherd # 2 ~ An angel said, “men please do not fear”

Shepherd # 1 ~ if anything we could say that this sight of rare

Shepherd # 2 ~ so off we went to worship, the New King over there (point to Bethlehem sign again)

Angel/rapper 6 ~ He went up to the cross, not many years later, to say to the world, that His love was much greater. It ushered in His Kingdom, and soon we’ll be there, where He sits on the throne as the King who’s just and fair.

Well, what do you think? It’s just a bit of fun, and not completely accurate, but the kids loved it!

Anyhoo…girl in the single lane signing out, for the last time this year! Have a fun-filled New Year celebration folks. May all your hopes, dreams, and wishes come true this year for you all.

peace

girl in the single lane

When your ex is back in your life

hey bloggers!

You’re walking along in the single lane, and things are going great. There are a few hiccups, but you still stay in the single lane waiting for God to call you out of it. You patiently wait for the Lord, and struggle to keep your focus on Him. You meet guys and think…mmm could they be the one? God constantly teaches you, to wait for Him, and to love your brothers, as brothers. You stumble across something unfamiliar and curiosity makes you dig deeper. At a closer you look, you are taken aback by what you have discovered. It’s him. That big part of your past, is back, but in a very different way.

Relieved are you, when you discover he is happily with someone else. You are reassured that the break up was right, right for both of you. He may have met his wife now, and that’s great. Do not doubt, that the relationship you shared with him, will teach you a lot, it might even have taught him a few things. You haven’t forgotten the relationship you shared with him, he might still remember too.

I am reminded of the pain I caused him, as these memories come flooding back, and I just hope that he has learned from that experience. “Whatever doesn’t kill you, only makes you stronger” or so they say. For me, everything that I put into that relationship, I keep close to my heart now. If you know me, you’ll know this, I am now a very guarded young woman. I am reluctant to let any guy in, but this is not all because of this past relationship, part of it is that, I don’t want to let any guy in who is not my husband. So I shut them all out. He, David, has taught me a lot, more than he will ever know, have I taught him anything? Maybe not, but the very fact that I learned so much tells me, that our relationship wasn’t a complete waste of time. Some good did come out of it, although it wasn’t obvious straight away.

My father just asked me, do I still think about my ex? Yeah, I do. Not in a “I want to get back with him” way, but I do wonder what he is doing at University, and I do still pray for him, that he would continue to grow in Christ. I know this guy is not my husband, and I’m pretty sure, he knows I’m not his wife, but the past does still exist. Any regrets? People ask me this so often when they hear my story, and yes I do have one. I would change one thing…the way I harshly ended the relationship, and cut off all contact with him.

Why did I do that? I’m only human and I have to admit, it was for selfish reasons…it was too hard for me. It was too hard to be “just friends” with this person that I, had held such strong feelings for. I couldn’t cope with it. Every time he got in touch, I wept…sometimes I replied…but this shortly died. If you (my ex) ever read this…I am so sorry!

Someone said to be that they saw something pure in me, well, I’m not. I’m just a sinner, who makes so many mistakes all the time. It was my sin that nailed Him to that rugged cross, and I’m so thankful for His forgiveness.

peace

girl in the single lane