Captivating

hey my bloggin' friends!!

Every girl has a wounded heart. Really? I’m not entirely sure they do. I grew up in a loving Christian home, where I was not physically or verbally abused. My parents loved me very much, and always encouraged me in pursuing my ambitions. That consisted of education, and choice of university courses. So, I had a happy childhood within the home, and an ok childhood out with the home. Sure, I was picked on at school, and verbally bullied, but it was never anything too bad. It was bearable, so there were no real wounds.

David, that big part of my past. Although things did not end so pleasantly, when I really think about what we shared, I remember they were happy times. The moment I remember most was when we went for a walk through the most beautiful park I have ever seen. It was a cold, wet December day, and we walked hand in hand on the perfectly laid path, which was so neatly woven between the flowers, so that without coming off the path, you could see the whole of the park. We saw it all, in all it’s glory, with the sun beating off the petals of the most delicate flowers. I remember feeling safe and secure in his arms, and I remember feeling loved.

These memories are a big part of who I am now, and David…I thank you for that. If you knew me now, how much you would see I’ve changed. I think it’s safe to say that we were both wounded by this cold, harsh break-up. But my wounds have healed, thanks for my beautiful creator. The scars still remain, but I don’t look to them, and remember the pain. No, not at all. Instead I look at the scars, and remember how much David taught me, and how much God taught me through this relationship. He was the first boy I ever thought I’d grow old with, and at the time, I thought he’d be the last. He was the first guy I was ever really serious about, and actually felt, I had a future with. He was the first guy I said “I love you” too, and actually felt something when those words left my mouth. He was the first guy who, when he said “I love you” to me, I got a tingling feeling throughout my body, and butterflies in the pit of my stomach. With this, came a smile that I thought would never leave my face.

It’s crazy now, how much things have changed. I wish I could sit here and tell you, he and I were still good friends, and that we were able to come out the other side in one piece. As you know, we spoke recently, via emails, and it truly blesses me to know, that he made it out the other side. And more than that, he’s not living in a single lane, dwelling on the past, but has moved away from that. Although I am still very much in the single lane, that’s what is right for me, for this part of my life. Yes…I think about the past, but I think about the present, and the future. I know what my past held, and know my present, but as for the future? Well…I’m sure that will be full of surprises. I have no doubt in my mind that it will, because my creator has written my story. Yes, you heard me. My wonderful Saviour has written my love story, and well, you only have to read the bible to see what He is capable of. He is a real romantic, of course He is, He created it.

Beauty is within me women, according to “Captivating”. The authors talk about women who strive for outer beauty, and disregard inner beauty, and sometimes it’s because we don’t understand inner beauty. I am not beautiful; I’ll say that right now. That’s why through this entire blog, there has never been one picture of me published. Look back if you don’t believe me, and are just checkin in. Having said that, I don’t wear make-up, and do my hair all fancy, nor do I fall fashion. I wear what I want, when I want, and honestly don’t have much of a second thought, for what people think of my appearance. As for inner beauty…I’m not really sure where I stand on that scale. But I do know one thing. I have the most beautiful, precious gift from the heavenly Father, living in me. That must count for something right?

This book also states, that every guy, wants to be a hero and rescue his one true love. It that true?? All you guys out there, is it? It’s a beautiful idea for us women, isn’t it? To have our knight in shinning armour come and rescue us. Think about it, it’s the fairytale fantasy. Every fairytale has a beautiful girl, who’s beauty if not truly revealed until the guy falls in love with her. At the end of these films, prince charming rescues his true love, and they all lived happily ever after.

It’s a beautiful idea, it really is, but guys…is it true?

peace

girl in the single lane

Two years of being single

Hey bloggers, out there…how are y’all?

Single for two years eh? When, I tell people that, some say, “poor you, what a lonely two years” and some say, “congratulations”. What do I say? Singleness is not an achievement so to speak, but a way of life. It hasn’t been an easy two years though, and has had many up’s and down’s.

I’ve not exactly had guys falling at my feet, nor have I had no interest from the male species.
After a painful break-up two years ago, someone wise told me how I would identify my husband. Was it a word from God, voiced through this man? Possibly. This is what he said. My husband will carry a bible under his arm, everywhere he goes…that is how I will know him. Was that literal or metaphorical? Who knows…but one is for sure. He will be grounded in the word of God.

A dear friend said to me, just the other day “you will know when you’ve met your husband. You’ll just know.” (Shout out to Kimi)
Do I know? No! Does that mean I have not met him? Well, maybe, but maybe not. If what this wise man said, was literal, than I have met but one guy who carried a bible under his arm, and since that day I saw him, our paths have not crossed again.

Trying to sum up the past two years of my life in one entry, is impossible. I’ve written about my life over the past 10 months in some 80 entries, so if you have any desire to know, then feel free to read them.

One thing I have learned over the past two years is this. Let go of your past and the things that are completely out of your control. What’s done is done, and you can’t change the past. Believe it or not, time machines don’t exist. So, you can’t change the past no, but you can use it to direct your future.

peace

girl in the single lane

What is in a name?

Hey bloggers!

Today, this entry is about, what can happen when you go against the will of God, and for this, I will use a well-known passage from the Bible, to illustrate my point.
In the book of Ruth, we meet some interesting people. I have called this “What is in a name?” be cause it’s completely relevant to this story.

First we meet, Elimelech, which means “My God a King”, who marries Naomi, meaning “My Pleasant One”. They both live in the land of Bethlehem, “House of bread” in Judah, “Praise”. So…why then is there a famine in the land? Anyway…Naomi and Elimelech, has two sons, called Mahlon, and Chilion, meaning “Sickly” and “Pining” respectively. Now, how can that happen? How can “My Pleasant One” and “My God a King” produce “Sickly” and “Pining”?

Also, Mahlon and Chilion were both Ephrathities, meaning “Fruitfulness”, yet neither have any offspring? Why? Well…after the death of their father, they both married Moabitesses. This is something that they were forbidden to do…hence the first paragraph. Can it be? Could God be in on this? Sickly and Pining, who were “fruitful” did not have children, could this be because they went against the will of God? Possibly…

I think nowadays, people have little interest in the will of God…from my experience anyway. They do what they want, when they want, and as long as they are happy, that’s all that seems to matter to them. Why have what you can right now, instead of waiting for what is part of someone’s perfect plan? Yeh…sure take what you can get right now, and I’m sure that will satisfy you, for now. But what about in the long run? Why have something that is good, when if you wait, you could have something that is great?

But then, what do I know…I’m just a girl in the single lane…waiting

peace

girl in the single lane

The importance of being patient

Hey all you blogger out there!

Girl in the single lane checking in! How y’all doing out there?
Life in the single lane eh? Am I any closer to coming off the single lane and going into the dual carriage way? No. I thought I might have been, but I misread the sign. And you know what, it happens. I’m glad it did, because now I know, that there is still someone special out there for me. There is someone “more perfect for me, than I’ve ever dreamed”. The person, who sang those words, is totally right, and sometimes we juts need to be reminded.

Let’s go back to Eden. Adam was put into a deep sleep while God created for him, his wife. God spent a lot of time creating Eve, so that she would be perfect for Adam; completely compatible in every way. Now there’s an example of love at first sight if ever I saw one. Adam didn’t go looking for a companion, he merely waited on God. What an example to follow eh?

How long do you have to wait? I don’t have the answer to that. Here’s what I do know though. Someone I hold dear to me, have their first partner just a year ago and things ended horribly. My friend was completely crushed. She was hurting more than words could ever describe, and not only because he treated her badly, but she had waited for “the one” and found “the arrogant one”. Not the same thing now is it? A year later, she has learned so much from that short-lived relationship. She is now in a relationship with another guy, who treats her like a princess. That’s they way she deserves to be treated. He even asked her father’s permission to date her, how sweet is that? And now, I’ve never seen her so happy. God taught her a lot, and although at the time, she did not see the light through her pain…she can now. She found the one she was waiting for, when she wasn’t even looking for him. She sought a friend, and found a partner.

The importance of being patient. Something many people struggle with I’m sure. Take your time folks; you can’t rush perfection now can you? Just remember, you can get a ticket for speeding down the single lane, and no-one wants that do they? I say it, like it is so easy eh? I know it’s not. This time two years ago, I was in a happy relationship talking about weddings. And now, I could not be further from where I was then, if I tried. God calls us to do so many things, and sometimes, we make our choice to come out of the single lane, instead of waiting on Him calling us out. Being in a relationship is time-consuming, in the nicest possible way. You need to devote a lot of time to your partner and them to you. I know God has called me to study social work, and I just discovered why Paisley. That is where my attention needs to go, I need to focus completely on what I know, He has called me to do. I don’t have the time for a partner right now. It wouldn’t be fair to him, because I know; I couldn’t devote sufficient time, effort and attention into a relationship right now.

peace

girl in the single lane

When you like someone

Hey bloggers!

How y’all doing? What do you do when you like someone…well actually I’m not sure what you do. As I find myself in this situation, I really don’t know what to do. I thought about telling him, but really, there is no point. As I mentioned before, he doesn’t even know I exist and I don’t really like that makes a good foundation for any kind of relationship, do you?

He is the guy I have written about before…in case you are just tuning in let me fill you in briefly. This guy is someone who I was starting to become friends with, until one day, things took a 180 degree turn. Reasons for why this happened, I’m still unsure about. Although he and I rarely spoke face to face, we communicated in other ways, and when we were face to face, we acknowledged each other, with a constant stare. He is a Christian, which is so important, and from what I know if him, he’s a nice guy.

It’s funny I watched Pride and Prejudice last night…the BBC version. What I share with this person is similar to that of Elizabeth Bennett and Mr Darcy, with two big differences. In the movie, they get their happy ending, and I never hated this guy, the way Elizabeth hated Mr Darcy. I feel like, if I told him how I felt, I would be shot down and attacked, the way Mr Darcy was when he first confessed his feelings for Elizabeth Bennett. I’m not strong enough for that kind of rejection.

Now, he doesn’t even know I exist, bummer eh? Well, maybe not. It feels like he only talks to me in public now, because he has something to prove to the other people who are around us. It’s as if, he’s showing all these people, how nice and friendly he is to new people. So why do I like him, I hear you ask? I don’t really know. I guess I remember how this friendship began, and it began well. I could wait a lifetime for that nice guy to repossess his body. This new person who looks like this guy I once knew, is so different I don’t even know him. However, He encourages me in my walk with Christ, and not many people go out of their way to do that for me. The funny thing is I don’t think he intentionally set out to encourage me with his honesty, but he did.

Every time we are in the same room, even still, I can feel him looking at me. He often catches me looking back. When he does, I wonder what he is thinking. Probably something like “why does that eejit keep looking at me?”. I guess, I will never know, because I will never ask him, and I will never ask him why he keeps looking at me. A lifetime of wondering “what if?” is probable here? Not a lifetime, just a little while, but it will pass, as he walks out of my life permanently.

Try not live a life of “what if’s”. If you fear you might then ask all the questions you need to, to prevent that from happening. Living life, wondering “what if?” ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. Take it someone who knows, it only confuses you and drives you crazy. Wondering “what if?” completely takes over your mind, and you can struggle to think about anything else, or focus on anything productive. Try and avoid this at all costs. I say this to help you, trust me.

peace

girl in the single lane

Happy New Year

hey bloggers!

Well, first of all, Happy New Year guys!

2007…I can’t believe it’s here already. Every year, on the 1st of January, my grandparents take my family out for dinner, and this year was to be no different. We go to the same restaurant every year, and again, this year was no different. However, we do normally get a different table every time we go…not this year. We sat at the same table, we sat at two years ago, when my partner at the time, joined us for dinner.

It was so strange, being at that table again. Being at the table that he was welcomed into our family at, two years ago. This was the first time my grandparents met him, and it was a great day. I’ve still got the pictures, from that day. It’s about all the memories I still have, that are visible to other people. With everything that has happened too, in recent weeks, this just reminded me of what I lost on the 27th on January, 2005.

I lost one of my best friends that day. He was not just a dear friend though, as you know. He was the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with, loving him, serving him, and praising God with him. If you read my previous entry, “But then I miss you, most at Christmas time”, then you’ll know where this is coming from. I miss him! What we shared was something special, and although to the world, it will not appear that way, it was to me. What I mean by this is, to the world, a relationship appears to be largely based on physical interactions, and appearances, but not for us. I really cared about him, and how he felt, and what he was thinking.

Do I miss the relationship we had? Sometimes, I guess I do. It was nice to know there was always someone to talk to, out with the family. Someone who could give you a big hug, when you needed it most and someone who would text you, just to say hi. I miss the friendship we had too. We had some fun times, with signs (funny game to be played late at night), football, (involving me being in goals, getting bruised as I saved the ball, or out on the field, with him being to only guy who would pass to me), moose-pants, (another game to be played at night, lol!), uno…and many more.

A new year has just started, and already, as I look to the near future, there’s a lot going on. University this year, is just going to be crazy, with course work, placement, not to mention the increased responsibility placed upon me at the Christian Union. On the plus side, searching for prince charming could not be more out of my mind…I just don’t have time, lol!! Sorry, husband, if you ever read this in years to come, LOL!
However, I do like somebody. And no, he doesn’t know, nor will he ever, because he doesn’t even know I exist. You know what I’m talking about, if you have read previous entries. Such is life, I guess! Obviously, it’s not meant to be, and that’s fine.

Lord, let Your will be done in my life this year. Take over my heart, and protect it.

peace

girl in the single lane