the singleness code

hey all you bloggers out there!!

How are we all doing this fine evening? My title for today's entry, contains code" because well, it's the in thing at the moment now isn't it? Right now, there is a lot of publicity with the release of the film "the da vince code", which if you ask me, is nothing more than a well written story by a very imagainative writer.

So, what is the singleness code? i don't pretend to know the answers to everything about dating or in fact not dating...but here's what works for me. My dad once said to me, very wisely...if you have booked a table in a diner next to the window, why look at a table somewhere else? Do you all get me? Let me explain. If you have picked the path of singleness, then don't go looking for a laddie or a girl...but keep your eyes on the single path. How hard is that though eh? You can be doing ok being single and then you meet a cute Christian guy...am I right? You spend your time thinking about them and the unrealistic furture with them instead of keeping your head straight and your heart pure.

It's easier said than done is it not? To keep your head straight and your heart pure? But give it a good go, you know with God all things are possible. He will guide you and help you focus your mind on the path He has set before you...and that maybe contain dating, but it might not. Dating is not for me, I know that. I have been hurt too many times in the past (see Heartbreaker got the best of me) and well, God has taught me through my mistakes. So, if God has called you to a life of singleness (perhaps just for a time) then He will give you all the help you need to stay on the path.

peace

girl in the single lane

prince charming

hey all!!

Do we all have our prince charming out there waiting for us? What do you think? I believe that God has someone special for all of us. A special guy for you girls, and a special girl for you guys. Waiting is never esay, in fact most people say, that is the hardest part. But, it is so important that we do. Someone once said, you have to try a few bad ones, so that you know when the right one comes along...this was their justification for dating. I, disagree. I don't think dating is wrong, if you intend in marrying your prince, but without that intention...I really don't see the point.

Why would you want to give a piece of your heart away to anyone other than your prince charming? Can you imagine this for a second. To quote Joshua Harris...imagine your wedding day. You glide down the isle with your father smiling at you and looking at you with joy in his eyes. All heads are turned to watch you meet your prince at the front of the church. Everyone is smiling at you, but you try to look past them, and look for your prince. You see him standing at the alter, smiling back at you....sounds beautiful right? But, what if this happened. Next to your prince, you see every guy you have ever dated, or had feelings for standing beside him. Your prince looks at you, then looks at your ex partners...crazy thoughts of confussion race through his mind. What do you tell him? Do you tell him..."Oh, don't worry about them, they are just guys who I gave a piece of my heart to along time ago (a piece that you will never get back) but your the one that I love?

Put yourself in his shoes. What if when you met your prince at the alter, a que of beautiful women were lined up behind you? It's not a nice thought now is it? I'm not saying that this will happen, in fact it is highly unlikely...but try imagine it for a second. Even though your prince may never know that you have had previous partners, you will!! When you meet your prince, you have got to be honest with him. Tell him the worst thing you have done, and if he forgives you, no questions asked...then you've got a chance with him.

For all you girls out there seeking their princes...aim to be the best princess you can be, because remember, guys are seeking their princesses too!!

peace

girl in the single lane

A Cinderella story

hey all you bloggers out there!! how are we all today?

She enters the room, with her long silk pink dress on. All eyes are on her. No-one can truly identify her behind her complimentary mask. She glides across the dance floor, awaiting her prince. Their eyes meet across the ocean of people. As he stands amazed at her beauty, he begins to walk toward his princess. They meet preciously in the middle of the dance floor. They dance together, gazing into each others eyes. Frustratingly though, he cannot identify his true princess. They dance the night away together, and it is the most magical night of their lives. They promise to see each other again after that night…but the hope for tomorrow only hangs in the air. The next time they meet, he passes her by because he still cannot identify his princess…WAKE UP!!

Welcome back to reality folks. This is a lovely dream, a fantasy almost, but things like that, don’t happen to people like me. Don’t get me wrong, things in my life right now, are going by ok. I’m loving my job, and my family are so great. I have a few really great friends and I’m so far, succeeding at Uni. They only down fall to my life is that I haven’t met my prince let. I bet you’re thinking, you’re only 19, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you. That maybe so, but no-one really knows. I don’t necessary want to know my prince and then run away together…of course not. Like I said, I’m only 19 (well almost 20, yikes that’s like half way to 40) and I’m not responsible enough to run away with someone. Sometimes though, It would be nice to know who my prince is, for the sake of knowing that my prince is out there somewhere. But God will reveal that to me when He thinks I’m ready to know.

peace

girl in the single lane

You're my God, You're my best friend

hey all you bloggers out there, girl in the single lane, checking in!!

Lately, things haven't been so great, but hey, that's life. It aint supposed to be easy now is it? So, what's new then...well, my sister bought me a mask for this ball thing I have coming up...and well, work really. A couple of people have posted a comment on my previous post, and I want to thank them. Although I may not have many friends, I have one who is far greater than the rest. He is beautiful beyond description, too marvellous for words...too wonderful for comprehension, like nothing every seen or heard. He is my strength when I am weak, my helper when I am I need help. He lifts me up when I fall down, and He's always got my back. He never leaves me, but is always by my side. His name is Jesus!!! If you don't know Him, you have not lived.


So, back to boring old work. Most people laugh when I tell them that I enjoy working in McDonalds, but really, dont' knock it till you've tried it. It feels so good to not have to stress out about Uni work all the time, and finally do something, instead of just sitting about the house doing housework. I have met some nice people at my work...and I've met some not so nice people. You know, some people can be so cruel!! Why another human being would wanted to treat another human so badly, is beyond me.

Without suffering, there would be no compassion!! Jesus suffered more than we could ever comprehend. Thank you my Lord. I do not deserve the love you have given me. Thanx

peace

girl in the single lane

thanx for making me a fighter

Well I thought I knew you, thinking' that you were true
Guess I, I couldn't trust called your bluff time is up
Cause I’ve had enough
You were there by my side, always down for the ride
But your joy ride just came down in flames because your greed sold me out in shame
After all of the stealing and cheating you probably think that I hold resentment for you
But uh uh, oh no, you’re wrong
Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do, I wouldn't know
So I wanna say thank you
Cause it Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

Never saw it coming, all of your backstabbing
Just so you could cash in on a good thing before I’d realize your game
I heard you're going round playing, the victim now
But don't even begin feeling I’m the one to blame
Cause you dug your own grave
After all of the fights and the lies cause you're waiting to haunt me
But that won't work anymore, no more,
It’s over
Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture
I wouldn't know how to be this way now and never back down
So I wanna say thank you

Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

How could this man I thought I knew
Turn out to be unjust so cruel
Could only see the good in you
Pretended not to know the truthYou tried to hide your lies, disguise yourself
Through living in denial

But in the end you'll see
YOU-WON'T-STOP-ME
I am a fighter and I
I isn’t going' stop
There is no turning backI’ve had enough

Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter
Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

when people let you down

Hey all

We are all only human, which means we get hurt, and we hurt others. People will let you down always, that’s just life. It’s hard to take though, when those closest to you, let you down in a big way. You feel so betrayed and so disappointed, and yes, I guess you do wonder who your real friends are. As I sat and read a comment someone made to my previous post, I started thinking, how many real friends to I actually have? She being one of them…I can think of very few others. How sad is that? I can’t even think of ten people outside of my family who I truly trust. Is that bad?

I’ve made the mistake of trusting people too quickly, and I’m reaping the consequences of that as we speak. God gave us free will to make these mistakes that we might learn from them. Well I’ve learned. Someone was said to me, that I am very guarded. In many ways I am. I’ve learned to be. I open up to people too quickly and end up getting hurt. So yes, I do put up a guard, I have to. When my guard is down, I am way too vulnerable.

There are not a lot of people who actually know that this blog exists and those who do know, I told because I trust them. I don’t think they will judge me or kick when I’m down, like someone did last night, cheers for that. In fact, this will just allow them to get to know me a little better, that’s all.

Thousands of people walk in and out of our lives all the time…in fact some of you reading this, may walk out of my life at some point, maybe even for good. This time next year, I may never see you again. Only time will tell.

If any of you all disagree with anything I’ve said, or if I have offended you, drop me a line (girlinthe_singlelane@hotmail.co.uk) or add a comment (I’ve removed all restrictions meaning you don’t have to have a blog to add a comment). I’m interested you know what you all think.

peace
girl in the single lane

my back hurts, can you remove your knife please?

Hey all you bloggers out there.

The kiss of betrayal, is something we have all had the unfortunate pleasure of experiencing.

When I say these words, I think about Judas Iscariot and how we betrayed Jesus, but what is more amazing, is the way Jesus responds. To my shame, I have not responded the way I should have. Jesus already knew that Judas would betray Him, sometimes I wish I knew who was going to betray me…then I would do anything that I could, to stop it. Betrayal is not a nice things at all.

Trust can be completely broken, and sometimes, beyond repair. Every felt like that? I do, right now. It hurts. Why would they do that to me? You had no right to boast in the path of my errors, that’s just sick. I told you what I did, in complete confidence and yes I made a huge mistake…trusting you in the first place. That was the worst thing I could have done. I’m so stupid. I get what I deserved though right? Not only have I lost all trust in you, right now, I don’t want anything do to with you. I am finding it really hard you love you, my sister in Christ. You have hurt me in a way that I can’t describe. I heard things about you, and I defended you….and for what? To be told that everyone else was right and that I was just too blind to see it?

Whoever said that old friends are the best…are seriously disturbed. I think it hurts more though when it is an old friend who stabs you in the back. There is only so many back wounds that one girl can take from the same friend…and well this one pierced the heart.

peace

girl in the single lane

a blast from the past

Hey all!!

Well…that’s me, back at work…guess where at? McDonalds!! I love it in there though, I really do. Call me sad, most people do, but it’s a fun job. I work in the one just off the M74, about an hours work from my house…keeps me fit!!
However, with starting back at work, comes many other things, but I’ve only got time to share one little hiccup with you today. I work here every summer, it’s a great job, really!!! Anyway, as I left one summer, someone else started, we’ll call him Andrew. We worked together for two weeks, and I have vaguely known him from school; he was in the year below me. Anyway, come Valentines Day the next year, my twin received a massive box of chocolates from Thorntons and a CD, 40 ways to say I love you! That year was a lonely year for myself…my long-term relationship had just ended. Anyway…she got this beautiful card with words of gold written in it, signed secret admirer. A month or so following that, I received a letter, from Andrew. In it he wrote that he was in love with me and that he had been wanting to tell me for ages, hoping I would feel the same way. Unfortunately, I didn’t. I felt so bad returning to work that summer, seeing him again made my skin crawl. I saw him yesterday at work, and this time, I felt ok. I am so glad that that can be put behind us.

Anyway, from one exciting thing to another…I don’t know if I have mentioned this, but my family and some others, are starting up a church in our local neighbourhood. Anyway…we had asked if we could use one of the local church halls, to host our meeting (the church where my parents were married) but they kindly rejected us. Anyway…we have a couple of people who want to get baptised and they have allowed us to borrow their hall to carry out this service. It will be June the 23rd, the same day my twin was baptised and the same day of the battle of Bannockburn in 1314. heehee!!

Also, we just finalised a groovy little local for the church too, with the church title being “Hope Christian Fellowship”. How great is God? I mean seriously, when you think about everything that He does for us, how much He loves us unconditionally… and how much He will forever forgive us. Another of my old poems which I wrote, follows.

Jesus

You’re the one who gives me hope
Without you I could not cope
In other peoples time of need
You use me to plant the seed
Thank you Lord for using me
To tell of all You’ve done for me
To tell them of Your love
That You sent from above
You O God, love us so much
After we caused You to be hurt
On the cross You died in pain
Here I am the one to blame
I nailed You to that cross
Without realising what it cost
Yet You continue to love and hold me
In Your arms is where I love to be
You are my Lord and King
Praises to You I will sing
I will see You face to face
In that Holy wondrous place


peace out

girl in the single lane

you think you know a person

Hey all!! How are we this fine evening?

You think you know a person, and then they turn out to be the exact opposite of what you thought, ever happened to you? Sometimes you see only what you want to see, in a person, that is…all their good points and merits. You can make yourself blind to their faults until you are forced to see them, and deal with them. It is always so much harder when you like the person, because your feelings for them completely cloud your judgement. People, we gotta wake up!!

My father got a shock yesterday when my mum and sisters and myself, returned from dress shopping. Being the person that I am, this was a challenge. Anyway, I found this beautiful pink ball gown (so not me) that my mum had chosen for one of my other sisters. I thought it would be funny to try it on…they all loved it on me. My poor father…it was like one of his three wishes had finally come true…his tomboy daughter wearing a pink dress. Changes like that, are minor, but some changes can be more damaging.

Change can be a good thing, it really can. I know my flaws, I’m the first to admit them, but a little change here, can be so positive. A little push to change, can be just what you need. I don’t believe that people can actually force you to change, but they can strongly encourage you. If you have a problem with someone, address the issue with them, don’t gossip about it. You will only reap what you sow!!

Do not be deceived by this “good guy” image that we so often see. We are all sinners, and some of us are just better at hiding it from our peers than others are. But no one can hide it from God.

peace

girl in the single lane

drowning in your feelings for someone else

Hey all

How are you all doing? Two blogs in one day, something must be up right? Well, as I continue to write my book and travel back down memory lane, a lot of old difficult situations come to mind, and a lot of old feelings come flooding back. Feelings of awkwardness, guilt, love…so many mixed emotions can be so hard to deal with. I guess that’s why I took up poetry. It allowed me to separate my feelings from each other, and write down a description of each individual feeling. But today, I’m going talk a little about having feelings for someone else.

Sometimes we let our minds be completely occupied with feelings for someone else. They are the only person you can think about, seven nights a week, you lay and think about them. Then you fall asleep and dream about them. Every time your phone beeps, you can’t stop smiling in the hope that it is he who has texted you. You check your email constantly, just in case he has emailed you, and you missed it. Or you sign on MSN and sit and wait for him to appear online, and start a conversation with him, beginning, “I didn’t see you there”. (total lies).

You walk about town, hoping to casually bump into him, and then…every guy you see, looks like him. You take a second look at every guy who passes by, secretly hoping that you will find the one you’re looking for. Even as you walk alone, you are in a daydream, dreaming of the impossible, of an unlikely future that you and this guy will never share.

Sound familiar? Perhaps not…but hey, if all our life experiences were the same, how boring would that be? We would never have anything to share. I don’t get a lot of feedback on my blog, but that’s ok. If it were to help just one other person, I would be truly grateful. I write this because it helps me. Writing it daily helps me to capture the true feelings of today. My poetry has helped me to remember old feelings that I had whilst writing them…I really should try and get back into that.

You know people. Sometimes writing down how you truly feel, helps you to understand what you are actually feeling. When you know that, you can begin to deal with it.

peace

girl in the single lane

being secret friends is shallow

hey all!
Try this on for size. You meet someone, and get on really great with them. You guys have a lot on common, and stay up all hours texting each other and emailing each other. You tell him (or her) your deepest thoughts and biggest fears, you trust them, and begin to let them in. What’s the catch? To quote from a film, it’s like you are “secret friends”. No one can ever find out. They pass you on the streets and it’s like you don’t exists. Every felt like that? Here’s a poem I wrote a few year back:

Everyday you pass me by

Everyday you pass me by
No hello or goodbye
I wonder if you notice me
But everyday you do not see
I long for you to say hello
But instead you just go
Ignore me as you always do
But why you do, I have no clue
Perhaps you are ashamed to know
Someone’s whose popularity is low
If that’s true I find that sad
That popularity means more than a friend
If that’s what you love and care
Losing it is what you fear
Swallow you pride and do what’s right
Don’t judge others at first sight
Forget you rep for what its worth
Don’t you think we’ve seen enough?
Just you keep on walking by
But I’m still willing to give it a try

Being uncool aint a bad thing people. I’ve lived my whole life being uncool and I’m getting on ok. Oh too often, people who are “cool” think that they are so much better that you…actually, they’re not. I’ve spent a lifetime living in the shadows of others, of those who think they are better than I, and let me tell you, its cold back here. It gets lonely after a while too. It truly saddens me that people feel that their “rep” will be damaged for socialising with a social outcast. What’s worse, is that they do actually care about what other people think. Why spend a lifetime living up to other people’s expectations instead of your own?

Don’t get me wrong, being rejected aint fun, actually it hurts like crazy. But after a few years of this, you learn to expect it. Trust me! If people don’t want to be seen with you, ask yourself, do you want to be seen with them? Do you actually want to associate yourself with someone who is that shallow?

Don’t waste your time trying to fit in, when we are all born to stand out and be ourselves.

peace

girl in the single lane

the difference between dreams and reality.

Hey all

Our eyes met across the room. There is an ocean of people surrounded us, yet he is the one who catches my eye. No words are exchanged, just a constant stare. He stares back…looks away, then turns back for a second look. Butterflies erupt in my stomach… and I can’t bring myself to say hello. I open my mouth, but not a word comes out. Embarrassed I turn away, hoping that he didn’t see me, but secretly wish he did. Time stopped as we look intently at each other. Can he actually see me? Oh wait, he can, I’m just a disappointment to him; not what he’s looking for.

Bummer! I wish I was popular, then he would like me. If I was cool and had the best clothes around, he would notice me right? I got it…if I found out what kind of girl he likes, I could adopt her persona and pretend to be exactly what he is looking for. Then he will notice me, and will fall in love with me.

Wait a minute… he speaks! Is he actually talking to me? He’s looking at me…but check behind you in case there’s a beautiful blonde standing at you back. No one’s there. He noticed me…signs!!! He leaves…will I see him again? Or have I just lost the only chance I had of talking to my true love?

Love at first sight? Now back to reality. This is not how we will meet our princes and princesses folks. So don’t cling to the dream of what might have been…and start looking to the future of what might actually come true. This is a beautiful dream, but it is just that, a dream. Films would have us believe that this is what actually happens, but it’s not. Sorry to break it to you.

If you have to change any of your values or beliefs for a guy, then he aint the one for you. Sure, be exactly what he is looking for…but then you need to begin the search for yourself. You will be completely lost in this web of lies, this persona of being someone you’re not. I would much rather have a thousand people hate me for who I am (not that hard to find, trust me) than have one person love me for being someone I’m not. Unfortunately, not everyone is the same. Some people feel rather insecure and think they need to change to have someone love them. You don’t. You are all fearfully and wonderfully made by my awesome Father…and well (as my dearest Kirsten used to say), my God doesn’t make junk! He created you the way you are for a special reason, bare with Him. His timing doesn’t always suit us. Want to make Him laugh…tell Him your plans….but His timing is perfect!

Be yourself people and don’t be afraid to stand up for what you believe. And if there’s that person out there that you like…seek God first. He knows best.

peace

girl in the single lane

ever feel like you don't belong?

Hey all!

Every feel like you don’t belong? I do, all the time. I have just finished my second year at uni. I have been in the same class with the same 32 people, and I still feel like I don’t belong. Don’t get me wrong, they are nice people, but I’m not like them and they are not like me. Sure, they know what I believe and everything, and will randomly ask me a weird question about it…but I still don’t feel like part of the class. I know they mean well. When I tell people I travel to uni, most of them think I’m crazy…its only two trains and about 1hr and a half each way…but that can feel so much longer when you’re all alone. It gives me too much time to think and reflect on my day, which aint always a bad thing.

The funny thing is, I know I’m on the right course, and I know that I’m at the right uni, and I know God wants me to be a social worker…I guess sometimes I need to be reminded of that. I guess I often wonder why? I’m surrounded with people who have one common goal in life – to be a social worker – and yet, I feel so different from them.

Feeling like I don’t belong is the last of my worries, but it doesn’t stop it from being true. When you have had your heart broken, it’s hard to forget the pain…but what is more painful than that, is remembering the good times you shared with that person. That makes it all the more hurtful. I sit and think about this one time, my ex and I spent the day together, walking through this beautiful garden, hand in hand. This was the place his parents had their wedding photos taken. It was so beautiful. I vaguely remembering my happiness, because I know what came next. I guess because of the way in ended…my mind is occupied with those negative memories. Just listening to Kelly Clarkson’s song “Behind those hazel eyes”, I remember the only time he ever saw me cry. I looked to him for comfort, and he did nothing. I felt so alone. I made a promise to myself, that I would never let him see me cry again. That was two years ago, and he hasn’t. I could never let him know that he caused me to cry myself to sleep, night after night

All things said and done, there is hope for the future. My past will continue to haunt me if I don’t deal with it. I liked the fact that I had someone; someone who I thought would never leave me. My future was set. But I kinda like this whole, not knowing, thing. It keeps me on my toes, but it’s exciting, because I know God holds my future, and well His plan is perfect, so how can I possibly be afraid of what’s to come?

peace

girl in the single lane

Hakuna Matata

Hey all you single people out there!!

Just me, checking in again…wanting to know how you are all doing. Something that I’ve said before, but I think I need to say again is this…people…forget your past. You have to forgive yourself. The bible teaches us that we should love others as yourself…now how can you do that if you don’t love yourself? Just like…how can you forgive others when you can’t forgive yourself? Sometimes we think about all the wrong things we have done and think…how can anyone forgive that? Am I right? Then how can we expect others to forgive our many errors if we can’t forgive them ourselves?

As my good friends Timon and Pumpa once said... Hakuna Matata. It means no worries for the rest of your days. It’s a problem free, philosophy…Hakuna Matata. You put your past behind you, they say. Easier said than done though right? I must confess…moving on aint always easy, in fact, its my biggest struggle in life. My ex hurt me bad, but I forgive him, I really do. But it is so hard to forget the pain and agony that he caused me, but not only me…my family suffered too. We all have a past and sometimes its hard to shake it off. I know. I’m living it. Sometimes a little push in the right direction is what we need. You should never run from your past, and face it head on. The sooner you face it, the sooner you can let go.

To live one day with no regrets, is something I though could never happen, and here it did. Yeah I’ve made mistakes, thousands of them. But now, this very day, I don’t regret making any of them. They have made me who I am today. They have taught me so much and will continue to teach me. I owe a lot to my errors. In fact, I thank the Lord for allowing me to make these stupid mistakes. For giving me the free will to mess up. He is so great!

Hakuna Matata you all

peace

girl in the single lane

practice what you preach

Hey all!

Just a wee message today folks. Well, I’ve just sat my only exam and it actually went not bad. I’ll let you know for sure though when my results come in. I feel like such a hypocrite right now. Here I am telling you all you put your past behind you and move on and not let if bite you in the back of affect your future. And here I am, considering not going to what could be a very valuable for days training thing for CU committees in the fear of seeing my ex. How shameful. I should go right? I mean the chances are I could go the four days and not see, or perhaps he’s not on the committee this year (although that’s unlikely) or…if worst comes to worst, he could be the first person I bump into outside of my own CU. Which is worst? I could far him at the beginning and get it over with…or send everyday worrying at the thought of what might actually not happen. I’m going to have to be brave one day and just face him, now whether that is sooner or later…only time will tell.

The moral of the story…practice what you preach. You have no right to tell others to do something when you won’t even take your own advice sometimes it takes someone else to highlight this to you…but when they do, thank them. It’s the best thing they can do for you. You know then, that they have got you back and have got your best interest at heart. When someone gives you a little push out of your comfort zone, thank them too...they are only trying to encourage your growth.

It is sometimes too easy to pick at the flaws in others and proclaim that they do not pratice what they preach...make sure you do before you starting picking out flaws in others.

peace

girl in the single lane

life is not a chick flick

Hey folks!!

I told you all about Mr Popular in high school and how I got noticed right? Well we all have our little movie moments don’t we. Here’s mine. A few weeks after the prom, my fairytale was to begin. I shook with disbelief with what happened next. It was a bright summer’s day, and the summer was drawing near. I went to school as normal, and Mr Popular approached me. To my shock, I was actually able to speak this time. We went for a little walk around the school, when he told me. He told me that at the ball, he noticed me! He had put his feelings for me on the shelf while he dated someone else. Another day, shortly after, he pulled me aside on the way to class, and he told me, he liked me. I was numb! I really did think I was in a movie and was waiting for someone to yell cut. No-one did. As we walked to our class, I watched my feet, my heart was racing and I could not get a sentence out without stuttering. I felt so stupid. I couldn’t help but think I was making a fool of myself in front of Mr cool, my crush. I thought, “Great I have had my chance of making an impression, and I blew it!”.
Well, I didn’t. In fact, this was to be the beginning of a movie. The summer began with a half day at school. I had arranged to meet Mr Popular after school to hang out. The rain was really heavy and I was soaked waiting on him. My jeans were soaked to the knee… he never came. I was so gutted, and felt really let down. I thought, “of course this would happen, he’s popular, I’m not, it’ll never work out”. It would never have worked out anyway, you and I both know that. My sister and my friend went back to ours to get out the ice cream and get out a chick flick – A walk To Remember. This was to be a walk to remember, that no-one could have predicted.
If you’ve seen the film, then you know the scene I’m talking about, but if you haven’t, let me set the scene. Mandy Moore plays Jamie, the vicars daughter, who over flows with faith in God. She is not popular at all, and spends her weekends tutoring children and is involved in the stars and plants club. Shane West, plays Landon, Mr Popular, who has everything…well almost. He’s cool, popular, and loved by everybody, one does he doesn’t have is faith. As punishment for drinking on school grounds, Landon is sentenced to the leading role in the school play, and Jamie, is another leading role. After spending time with her, he sees something in her he hasn’t seen in anyone else. When he realises he likes her, is during the play. She sings Only Hope. Just as she sang the lines “I life my hands and pray, to be only yours, I pray, to be only yours, I pray to be only yours, you’re my only hope”, my door bell rang. It was Mr Popular, completely soaked with rain dripping from his nose. My heart skipped a beat with disbelief. That was my movie moment. We went for a walk, and what a walk it was. That was a walk that I will never forget.

He and I never dated, he wasn’t a Christian. I could feel myself drowning with peer pressure to date him, but I couldn’t bring myself to say yes. I knew deep down that it would never work, we believed in too many different things, but we stayed great friends. The reality of it all is…it couldn’t have worked out better if we tried. We both moved on and entered into relationships with other people…but we still have our memories. Life goes on people…life is not a chick flick. I think sometimes we watch cheesy films and think that’s what love is…but it aint. Please recognise that and don’t set yourself up to fall.

By the way, just little something stupid…if someone catches you looking at them, it’s because they’re looking back.

peace

girl in the single lane

hidden secrets

Hey all!
How are we all today?? Today’s topic, hehehe is well, the same as always I guess…life and love. Here’s a little poem I wrote a good few years now. Tell me what you think.

Love in the world

Love in a worldly prospective
Is a tickly kind of feeling
Lusting after someone you like
Thinking that you’re dreaming
Everything you see them
You begin to reminisce
Thinking if you lost them
How much you would miss
If it were you only had
One tiny little wish
On the lips of that lad
You would want to kiss

Realistic? I think not. But that is what the movies would have us believe. I don’t doubt that love will be this overwhelming feeling. Its like the wind…you can’t see it, but you feel it. But love…it comes with the good and the bad and the ugly (thank goodness). Love is not just around when things are going great and you’re on an emotional high…but is there in times of sadness, trials and is there through all conflict. Love…never fails!

Another thing…love forgives!!! No matter how many stupid mistakes you’ve made, with dating in the past or with doing other stupid things… you’re forgiven. The one you’re supposed to be with will forgive you no questions asked, because they love you. They don’t care about your past; because they are too busy worrying about their own. You have to reassure them, that you can forgive them for all the things they did before meeting you.

We all have our hidden secrets, and things we’re not ashamed of. But you can’t go on living the lie. Honesty, is the best policy. If they can’t forgive you, they’re not the one for you. I don’t pretend to know the answers to everything, but I have my own experience and I have my beliefs. They have got me this far, so I’m going to stick with it. If it’s not broken…don’t fix it.

peace

girl in the single lane

it's time to move on

Hey all you folks out there.

I just want to let in on a little secret people. No one is perfect!! And I’m no one, just kidding! We all make mistakes in our past…but we have to let these go and move on and more importantly, learn from these.

One of the most discouraging things ever, is when a friend constantly reminds you of a time where you tripped in your walk with God. It’s not always nice to be reminded about our past sin, but you have to ask yourself, why are they forever bringing this up? Is it because they are trying to cover their own flaws and are that insecure that they have to pick out yours? Or could it be because they are trying to help you and it’s done in love? I guess only that person will know themselves. But we so easily misinterpreted things don’t we?

To quote from a chick flick, a safe one at that…when you are so lonely and long for a partner, you are blind to their flaws…but when you look at yourself, flaws is all you see. Sound familiar? You many not be proud of your past…who is? But that doesn’t mean you should hold on to it and let it affect your future. I look at some of the stupid things I’ve done and think…man how could you do that? Like for example, ending a two and a half year relationship via text…I’m not proud of that at all. I’ve learned from it and would do things differently now. If I hade the knowledge I have now, then, things would have been different, but it’s hard to imagine. He showed me a lot too, he actually forgave me! Talk about unconditional Christian love.

I look at my life now, and think…look where I am at, I would not be as educated as I am if I didn’t make the hundreds of mistakes that I have done…and you know what, I’ll continue to make mistakes, after all, I’m only human. And so are you. Don’t let your mistakes put you down or control your life, give them up to God, He’s forgiven you, you have to forgive yourself.

peace

girl in the single lane

all dressed up and good to go

Hey all!

To be honest, I don’t have much to share with you all today…I’ve just been studying for my exam and preparing my bible study, which I will be leading tonight, on….you got it, dating! Obviously.

I have a ball coming up, which has lead my mind to wonder back down memory road to high school, when I had my prom there. There was this lad I liked, Mr Popular, and me the geek of the class…it would never have worked out (for one reason only, he wasn’t a Christian). Anyway, I am not a particularly girlie girl, I wear what I want when I want and do not dress to impress. So dressing up for a ball, was new to me. It was fun and kinda exciting, seeing myself in a whole new light, whole new wardrobe and even make-up. He noticed me! I was all dressed up and good to go…and he noticed me. I went to his school for years and it took a ball gown, make-up and a whole new look, for him to notice me. I rejoiced in that at the time, but I’ve grown since then.

My prince will notice me just as I am. I won’t have to be dress all fancy, or have my hair all done up for him to notice me. He’ll see me for who I really am, and will like me for that. I won’t have to dress to catch his attention, no, not at all. In fact it will be the opposite. I will be myself, be true to myself…and he will accept that, no questions asked.

I’m so totally nervous about going to this ball though. My friend Suzanne is going and I said I would go with her…so the chance of me actually knowing anyone else, are slim to none. I’m the only person from my CU who is going. Lucky me! It should be fun though, I’m sure it will be.

Anyway folks, my study books are calling to be read, so I must dash, and get back to my studying.

peace

girl in the single lane

pointless worrying, is unavoidable

Hey you all out there, just me!
One of the many joys of life as a student, is the stress of exams…what fun eh? Sometimes unfortunately, we let our stresses control our lives. We get so caught up in worrying about exams, that we become overwhelmed with worry….and for what?
Chuck Smith once said, very wisely, that worrying is like a rocking chair…sure it gives you something to do and will fill the time easily, but it will get you no where! He was right. Easier said than done is this: don’t stress! Try and not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. I did say that was easier said than done. We won’t be human if we didn’t worry a little about exams and get nervous just before sitting them. But try not let ALL your thoughts be revolved around worrying about exams…especially those you have already sat, because there isn’t anything you can do now. Leave your past behind you and move on.

If you lived to be 86 years old, think about how insignificant today will be. Although it is important to do well and study hard to achieve the goals that you desire…failing is not the end of the world. You never know what surprise will be lurking around the corner, so life goes on.

peace

girl in the single lane

what to do when life gets you down

Hey all
How are you all doing? Just me checking in again with you all. Life is full of surprises and not all of them are good surprises. We can be hit with bad news that can through us off, and distract us, and fill our minds with thoughts, completely occupying them. This is never a good thing. Bad news, is always harder to accept that good news, but why? Very often bad news, comes as such a surprise to us that we are in shock and full of disbelief. How we handle ourselves in these situations, is dependant upon how much we let people in. if we don’t let anyone in and let no one of what’s going on, then you are forced to keep it inside and push your emotions aside. This is not healthy.

What can I recommend? Confined in someone, a friend is preferred obviously, most people find it easier to tell a friend when they are upset about something. Pray with them! God has given us this amazing gift of being able to pray with one another, so lets make the most of this. Christian friends, for me are few… my CU is rather small. I was in contact with a great group of Christians, but sadly our differences separated us. Now, I have a few a meet with weekly, and outside of my CU, and my four friends at church…the only other Christians I meet, are through other CU’s in Glasgow.

Spread your wings people. Staying in one group isn’t always beneficial. But instead go out and explore new things and new people. People you have not met, will only educate you…trust me, you can learn a lot from someone you don’t really know. You can also be encouraged. Having someone else pray for you, is one of the kindest thing anyone can ever do for you, so I encourage you to do that.

peace

girl in the single lane

time for yourself

hey folks!

Just a wee message to tell you all of the valuable lesson I learned this week, well one of them. In all that you do in your life, work, uni, or church events...do them ALL for the Lord. He has called you to a place for a reason and will not take you from that place, until He has something bigger and better for you to do. It is important though, that you all do rest too. I have been stressed out my mind this past week with so much that has been going on, from family in hospital to meeting uni deadlines, to going to every meeting under the sun..... but you know what? It's ok. I don't know how and I don't know why, but I do know this... I always make it through. It's like when I have to meet a deadline and I need a little more time...I find I use my time more wisely and it seems to last longer...like God gave me the extra hour I needed. Without Him, I would not be able to do half the things I do when I'm stresses. He is faithful to answer.

Sometimes, we get so caught up in everything that we do, that we forget why we are doing what it is that we are doing.... and sometimes, we're in so deep, and can't find ourselves. Sound familiar? That's the story of my life.

God created seven days, so that mankind may rest on the seventh and keep it holy, so do jsut that folks. Don't work yourself too hard. And remember...if you do things for your own glory and not because God has lead you to do that... then you've got your reward.

peace out

girl in the single lane

there is no I in team

Hey all you bloggers
Girl in the single here, just checking in with you all. No much happening this week the average stresses that comes with being a student. Only one exam and two essays, can’t complain. There’s something that’s being playing on my mind this week and is something that came up again today in class…that is this. When working together in a group, from doing a presentation to doing a bible study, we all have to recognise that everybody has their own strengths and weaknesses. It is our duty, when working together that, we encourage people to excise their strengths and support their weaknesses. We should of course, encourage them to step out of their comfort zones, but you can’t push them out when you feel like it. They have to be ready to step out. Compromise comes in here. The ability to compromise is something which is crucial on working together.

Being able to compromise is something that is essential for marriage, because then, you have somebody else to think about. you have to pur their needs before your own, which isn't always easy. But try.... and remember folks, there’s no I in team.

Peace out

Girl in the single lane

lonliness kills

hey all!
how are you all doing? Being single has it's up's and down's, but is something we all go through. I would not being doing what I am, if I was in a relationship, but, you don't have to be part of every Chrurch event, and do everything to serve the Lord. Not at all...no matter where God places you, you can serve Him. He has placed me at Uni, and there I serve Him. I do encourage that you get involved in church things, but if you take on everything, then you can't put everythin you got, into just one of them. So, all of them do not get the attention they need, and sometimes, God is the one who is pushed aside. God can use you in the oddest of places, from Uni, to working in McD's...just have faith.

Lonliness, is a bummer. I guess sometimes we just feel so alone and seek, not necessarily a companion, but even a friend...someone who can be there for you, to give you a big hug when you need. Someone who, does not need to be told somethings wrong, but knows you well enough to know when something is wrong. I have very few friends who are like that, and those who are, I rarely see, for many different reasons. I am so lucky to have two amazing sisters who are always there for me...but sometimes it's good to get the view and opinion of an outsider you know? I love them to bits though, and wouldn't change them for the world.

Don't let your feeling of lonliness take over all that you do... but instead rejoice in knowing that the Lord will never leave you.

peace

girl in the single lane

heartbreaker got the best of me

hey all!
Here’s my story in brief. His name shall not be disclosed for obvious reasons, but for the purpose of this, I will call him David. I met him a few years ago on holiday at a Christian conference centre in the south of England. About 6 years ago I first laid eyes on him and we quickly became friends. Years passed by with very little contact made, in fact the only time we talked was at the conference centre. Things were about to take a drastic turn. My family and I went back to the conference centre in 2002, that’s when I felt something for him. we began to write letters to each other regularly, only to discover that he liked me too. He invited my sister and I to join him and his cousin at a beach mission in the north of England the next year. We went. The week was not the best as my sister and I were two of the three Scottish people there. Anyway, one night I was talking to David about how we felt, I was only 15 at the time, just turning 16. We talked for a little bit then he told me that basically when he meets “THE ONE” he wants to marry her, and it was like p.s. you’re “THE ONE”!! I was like ahhhhhh ok. Anyway, from here we continued to write to each other regularly, texted each other all the time and phoned each other too. (He lived in the middle of England, and I in Scotland, it was difficult to see each other regularly). A year passed and we saw each other again at the same resort and spent the week together. Another year passed and we did the same, except this time, things were different. We spent a lot more time along just talking and things…taking long walks together. It appeared to be love. No-one could have predicted what was going to happen next. That year, 2004 I went down to visit him where I met his church, and the rest of his family. Most people in the church were so unfriendly to me, but of course you get the odd one or two who are overly friendly…they are those you remember. Anyway, I had a great time, I was lovely spending so much time with him but… things took a 180 degree turn. Shortly after, we had a fight about where we would live if we were to marry. This did not end particularly well. He came up here just after Christmas and for New Year (2005). This was the last time I was ever going to see him, if I’d known; perhaps things wouldn’t have ended so abruptly. He became very clingy and I couldn’t breathe when I was around him. We had previously agreed that we would save our first kiss for the alter…call me old-fashioned if you wish but each to their own right? We were happy with this arrangement, or so I thought. The day before he left, he stole that from me. I was so angry at him, I hated him! It took me so long to forgive him, but after a lot of help from the Lord, I was able to. We have barely spoken since. There have been two phone calls since that day, one to end the relationship, which I did, and the other to try and selvage a friendship. I failed on that latter part. We had agreed that we wouldn’t contact each other for a full week, and pray about things, and then talk about where we thought we stood with each other. That was set on the Friday night, but Sunday I knew what do to… I had to carry this awful feeling with me for a week, trying to think of ways to tell him it had to end without hurting him. Friday came…sign of relief; I could finally get this off my chest. I received a text message from him…he couldn’t fit me into his busy schedule. My heart broke! We had been looking at engagement rings just a month before and I couldn’t understand the pain I felt. I think one of the things that hurt the most out of this relationship ending, was that I lost many friends. I was friendly with many of his friends and particularly with his sister… I lost them all in the blink of an eye.

I guess in myself I didn’t always know why I had to end this relationship, but things have been so great for me since. I have learned a lot from my experience. If God tells you to go to Nineveh, then go to Nineveh and it will be so worth it. He has bigger and better plans for you life, but you have to let Him take control. I never really knew how my experience could help anyone or what good could possibly come from it…but this was made clear to me just under a year ago. The summer of 2005, the year my life changed and I was single again, I was invited to a summer bible camp to go as a leader and help out there. I was asked mid-week to share my testimony, something which I had never done before. Nervous me, went outside to seek God, to ask Him what He wanted me to talk about. My mind was flooded with all my memories of David and the relationship we shared together. I knew then, this was what I was to share with this group of young people. I had never met most of these people, so they didn’t know me, or my past. In fast, few of my friends actually knew everything that happened that led to my relationship with David ending. So to share this with a group of strangers, was the scariest thing I think I have ever done. I sought the Lord for strength to say what He wanted me to say, and I did it. I went up and shared with these people, something I hadn’t even told my best friend. Of course, I began to cry whilst sharing this with them. I felt so stupid. A dear friend saved me when he brought me a role of toilet paper which had been in the hall from the night before. I looked out into the audience and saw another dear friend crying because of what I was saying, this didn’t help me. After the meeting more than one person thanked me for sharing all that I did, and they told me that they learned a lot from what I had said. One said, that they needed to hear what I had said; perhaps they were in a similar situation that I was once in.

Everything happens for a reason and more often than not, the reason does not present itself clear until some time down the line… but don’t give up…you’ll discover why it happened when you need to.

peace out

girl in the single lane

love or lust

hey folks!
As I sat and typed up a devotional today, I started to think about things again, as you do. There are a lot of people, especially women, who are looking for love in all the wrong places....and as a result, they are finding love in fake and fictitious people. I include myself when I say that. I think sometimes we get so lonely, that we will look anywhere, for someone...anyone who will love us. More often than not, these returned feelings, are completely fake. Some people will tell you that they "like" you because it's what you want to hear, and they know that. It might seem great, like woohoo, this guy I like finally likes me back. Sometimes he will, other times it will just be completely fake. Let me tell you, finding out it's completely fake, hurts more than being told they don't "like" you like that, up front.

I can't stress enough people, don't pretend to like someone to get something from them or because you think thats what they want to hear, or because telling them you like them will make them happy. Because, if it's fake, it will backfire and people will only end up hurt. I think it's so important to know the difference between love and lust. What is love? Have I ever been in love? I'll let you know

peace

girl in the single lane