single and waiting

long time no see

2011-04-01T22:06:00.002+03:00

hey bloggers!! how you been? so my last post was a while back, and boy have I changed. That guy I met at my work, well, he was truly going to change my life. I will tell you all about him some day. For now all you need to know is, this mystery man from Manchester, melted my heart and would forever be a part of my life. We fell in love, and could have been married, but fate had something else planned. I will share his story one day, when the world is ready to hear it. Since his passing, I have been through a lot in my life. Plodding along in the single lane, is not always easy. I understand that now more than ever. Sitting here, I have just come out of a relationship, which honestly, should have ended a few months ago, but stubborn me, I desperately tried to honour God and His plan, and wanted to make this relationship work. There were a lot of good times, don't get me wrong. He was good to me, and so sensitive which I loved. But things change and people change. I'm not here to pass blame, it just ended, as relationships do. Where am I now? I'm single and seeking the Lord. I'm happier now than I have been for a while and a huge weight has been lifted. I am working away trying to honour God in my job, and doing well professionally. Will I forever remain in the Single lane? Well maybe, maybe not. That's not for me to decide. If the Lord blesses me with someone else one day, let it be...if not, that's OK. I truly believe it is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all. And although I have loved and lost, he's not lost, he waits for me on the other side. will be in touch peace

update

2008-11-24T14:11:00.001+02:00

Hello all my blogging friends out there!!

How are you all?? It’s been a while since my last blog, I know…sorry Paul!!
Looking back to my previous few blogs, I must apologise for my harsh tone. I guess sometimes we try so hard to convince ourselves that everything is ok, when truth be told, it may not be. Travelling in the single lane does have its benefits by the way, it isn’t all bad. Not that I am an expert, I am not, by no means. I just write what I know, from my own life.

So, after following this diversion sign, for what felt like the longest time ever, God showed me a cut off. Better than that, He showed me a few. After leaving University after completing my degree in January, I considered many options, teaching maths (the love of my life), doing career guidance, care work, and payroll. So I applied for University, and jobs left, right and centre. I got 3 interviews, Yuk!! Two for jobs, and one for University, to do career guidance. After not getting the first job, I was frustrated, to be honest, not understanding why I didn’t get it. However, God is good, and I was successful in my other two interviews, which presented more problems. Here I was driving around this roundabout for ages, and now God had shown me 2 exits.

After a long time spent in prayer, I was still none the wiser, so I went to job, Care worker. Though I’d try it for a week, and see if God was telling me anything. I hated it, didn’t know anything about Dementia, and wanted to go back to University. But going back to University was the easy option, not necessarily the right one. After watching a DVD at church that night, it was made clear to me take the job.

Four months later, I love this job, more than I ever thought I would. It still amazes me that my creator knows me better that I know myself. He is teaching me so much in the job, about His grace and Compassion, and He reminds me daily, that He loves these people. Even though sometimes they bug me, annoy me, kick me till I’m black and blue…God still loves them and so do I.

As for my “single life”, still there, but that’s ok. I am very stubborn in that. This guy I met through work likes me. He’s a great guy, don’t get me wrong, and we have a lot in common, but there is 1 thing we disagree on, which has prevented this developing beyond friendship. We have different views on God, I see Him as my saviour and Father, and this guy wants nothing to do with him. Each to their own. If there’s one thing I learned at school it’s this, you cannot force your religion onto others.

So, yeh I’m still single, loving my job and Christ, and life is good. I can’t complain really can I?

Peace

Enchanted - ever ever after

2008-01-22T13:58:00.000+02:00

A fairytale like fantasy film, where true love falls at your doorstep. Allow me to set the scene. You meet this guy somewhere random, and you always seem to see him again in more random places. You get to know this person, and find out you have common interests, and get along great. Every time you are around this person…you feel an awkward tension between you both, but you don’t let this get the better of you. You get butterflies every time you talk to that person, and like everything about them. When you are in the same room as this person, although you try not to make it obvious, you can’t stop looking at him, secretly hoping he is looking back. You pray for him everyday, and would do anything to protect him. True love??

Not at all. The reality is, the feelings, and tension, and awkwardness, is all fairytale fantasy. It’s make-belief. Disney and many others, would have you believe that, if you feel all this for one person, then that’s your true love. I think for all you single people out there, there is a sense in which we want to believe it…and many sadly do.

To my ex, I know you’ll never read this, but three years ago, I felt all of these things for you. I thought without a doubt, we were meant to be together. I know you felt it too. I know back then, we couldn’t have imagined life without each other. (Look at us now) I know when you whispered in my ear “I love you” you meant it with all of your heart. I heard your passion, when we talked about our wedding, and felt the love you had for me, every time we touched. What this was, I can not explain. But here’s what I can, it felt real at the time, and I would not have traded it in for anything. It felt like a God-given love between two people that was unbreakable. But almost exactly three years later, I view things slightly differently. You’re engaged to someone else, and I’m plodding along in the single lane…but I’m doing great here.

Life is full of surprises, and although sometimes we wish and hope that “true love” is something that actually exists, when you have been hurt as many times as I have, the concept is difficult to accept. I’m not saying whether “true love” exists or not, what I’m saying is, I’m not sure if I believe in it anymore.

Peace

Girl in the single lane

Since you've been gone

2008-01-09T15:42:00.001+02:00

Here's the thing we started off friends
It was cool but it was all pretend
Yeah yeah
Since you've been gone

You dedicated you took the time
Wasn't long till I called you mine
Yeah
Since you've been gone

And all you'd ever hear me say
Is how I pictured me with you
That's all you'd ever hear me say

But since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you
Now I get
What I want
Since you've been gone

How can I put it? you put me on
I even fell for that stupid love song
Yeah yeah
Since you've been gone

How come I never hear you say
I just wanna be with you
I guess you never felt that way

But since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you
Now I get
I get what I want
Since you've been gone

You had your chance you blew it
Out of sight, out of mind
Shut your mouth I just can't take it
Again and again and again and again

Since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get
I get what I want
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get (I get)
You should know (you should know)
That I get
I get what I want
Since you've been gone
Since you've been gone
Since you've been gone

peace

girl in the single lane

Behind these hazel eyes

2008-01-09T15:36:00.000+02:00

Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

peace

girl in the single lane

Walk away from your past

2008-01-08T15:26:00.000+02:00

Dear my past

So, I let you go three years ago, maybe it’s time you let me go. Year after year you try and contact me again, why?? Do you have unfinished business? Is there something you are trying to tell me?

We tried the whole “let’s just be friends” thing and it didn’t work. Don’t you remember? Our paths cross many years ago, and to be honest, there is no reason why they should cross again, so stop trying to make them cross. I’m not interested. I could sit here and spend hours writing about the pain you caused me, but what would that achieve?

It was too painful the first time we tried to be friends, so a year past without a second thought. You got back in touch and yeh…we thought it could have been ok…but then you accused me of having feelings for you again! Are you serious?? If this happens every time you get in touch…a friendship here will never be possible.

You are my past, and I left you behind me all those years ago. I can do nothing beneficial for you right now, and therefore see no reason why I should be part of your life. So let me go!!

I can appreciate that letting go of something, or someone can be very hard, especially someone you were emotionally attached to. But three years have past now, will little communication made between us, do you think you could now let this go??

You are probably now a very happily engaged man, and if you are, congratulations, I am happy for you. But please don’t feel sorry for me, because I am still single, for it is by choice that I am. I don’t want to settle for anything less that what God has in store for me, and neither should you.

Walk away from me now, and get on with life. Life as you know I, will change when you let go of your past.

peace

girl in the single lane

It is you I have loved...

2007-10-30T12:05:00.000+02:00

hey there bloggers!!
cheating again by using another video...but i just really liked the song! and i guess it sums up how i'm feeling at the moment!

enjoy!

peace

girl in the single lane

I can't make you love me

2007-10-02T11:28:00.000+03:00

hey bloggers!

ever felt like this?

peace

girl in the single lane

Road Closed….Do Not Enter. Follow Diversion.

2007-09-22T10:49:00.000+03:00

hey bloggers

Ever felt like that? You’re walking through life without a care in the world, thinking you have life sorted down to a T. Been there and done that.

When I was in a relationship a few years back, I thought I had that part of my life sorted. Although we were not officially engaged (meaning I had no ring) we pretty much were. We talked about making it official in the latter years of my education, and getting married a year after graduation, so that I wasn’t planning a wedding while doing my final year. That would just have been too much stress for me and for him, who also was in higher education.

From day one of our relationship, we sought God’s guidance, and believed that one day we would get married. We talked about what kind of wedding we wanted, we picked the song for the first dance…and we even discussed where we would live after we got hitched – Scotland or England. Ok, so where we would live, was a minor detail that we had yet to agree on, but life was good, and I had security in him.

As you no, things ended with him on a rather harsh note. Such is life I guess. #road closed…do not enter…follow diversion. But from that day, to this, I have learned never to think you’ve got life sorted to a T. News flash, anything could happen, don’t underestimate. When things did eventually end, I thought, ok he’s not for me, but everything else in my life, is sorted….my University degree, getting a job after graduation…simple, or so I thought.

Here I am almost three years later, and I don’t even know what will happen tomorrow never mind what God’s got planned for the rest of my life. The Road to becoming a social worker, is now closed and I’m following the diversion signs. I have no idea where these are taking me…but someone far greater than I does.

Facing a sign like “Road Closed” can happen in all walks of life. It could be the guy to like is seeing someone else – Road Closed… it could be things don’t work out in a relationship – Road Closed…it could be things don’t work out at University or in your job – Road Closed. It could be a number of things. Bottom line…the Road is Closed to you, when something you thought was for you, turns out not to be. But to God, these Road Closed signs are His way of telling us, He has something bigger and better planned for our lives. Trust in Him.

peace

girl in the single lane

I don’t know

2007-08-16T12:51:00.000+03:00

Hey bloggers….it has been a while I know and for that, I apologise. My reason for my lack of entries over the past few months, is not a happy reason. I have made some life changing decisions over the past few months, and I still have a few to make…it’s frustrating.

This blog is called, “I don’t know” and the simple reason, I don’t know anything. That is one thing I have learned over the past few months. Here is a few things I do know, I know what day it is, how much everything in McDonalds costs, I know who created this beautiful world, I know He loves me. I know random math equations, I know all about Pavlov’s theory; I know my way around Glasgow. But there are so many things I just don’t know.

I don’t know why I went to University for three years, to have my position terminated, I don’t know what I am going to do with the rest of my life. I don’t know what kind of job I will have, I don’t know what modules I need to pick for this September, I don’t know where I’m supposed to me. I don’t know my future: distant or near…I don’t know anything. I don’t know if I’ll ever meet someone, if I’ll ever get married and have a family, I don’t know if I’ll ever move away from Glasgow, I don’t know if I will live beyond my 21^st birthday….I don’t know anything.

I wish I could sit here and tell you that I don’t worry about the unknown, but I do. I didn’t have any concerns about what modules to pick, until I saw my options…now I just don’t know. What I do know, is that my future is in hands much greater than mine, and I have to trust God to make the right decisions, and to guide me to do the same. I know His plan is perfect, I don’t know what His plan is, but I know it’s perfect.

I don’t know what else to say

peace

girl in the single lane

Wild at heart

2007-07-22T23:35:00.000+03:00

A familiar title to many, wild at Heart is a popular book amongst male Christians. After hearing mixed views, I set myself the task of reading the book myself. This book explores the make up of the masculine heart, which appeals to me and I’m sure, to many other female readers out there.

One thing that is clearly highlighted throughout this book is this: you can take the guy out of the country, but you can’t take the country out of the guy. Let me explain.
The writer suggests that boys, sorry men, have this need and desire to be in the wilderness, where he can create his own “dangerous” adventures. He states that, men don’t have to be raised in the country to possess this overwhelming desire, but implies that this desire is all part of God’s creation. Something in that Y chromosome then eh??

With this said, he does what a lot of American writers do (in my personal experience) and relates this desire back to Disney. Disney is popular nowadays for creating fairytale romances, where the young man fights for his true love. Although not the first to create such a tale, Disney brought these to the younger generation. The brave young man finds himself in his comfort zone, that is the wilderness, where he challenges his attackers. Obviously his attackers are greater than he, but somehow, this young man fights against all odds, to win the heart of his true beauty.

The writer suggests that men crave this desire to fight for someone, the women he has been looking for. But do they fight for the women, or do they fight for the adventure of fighting??

One thing the writer emphasises is this. Men, being married does not make you any more of a man, than killing a lion does. Women do not make men, “men”. He says:
“A man does not go to a woman to get his strength, he goes to her to offer it.”

The writer highlights that often men feel, when they have a wife or girlfriend, they become a man. He emphasises the need for God in this equation. A man needs to seek God and get his strength for Him.

Becoming a man, is a journey that a man takes with God. Here he will discover what kind of man God has called him to be and God will guide and mentor him. That is the most important thing I can take from this book. A man will become a man, is God’s perfect timing, and women, you are the same. You will become that woman of God, when you seek Him, to guide you in that.

Although the media creates the common misconception, that men can grin and bare all, they can’t. Their heart is more than a muscle too, and they need God to be their comfort, just like we do. Girls, this is important to know. I look at the males who surround me in my family and I consider what I’ve just said. How many times have I seen them cry? Not many at all, but it has happened, and that’s good thing. It lets us girls know that they do have a heart…trust me guys, its ok to cry.

To quote a great song “My troubled soul, why so weighed down? You were not made to bare this heavy load. So cast your burdens upon the Lord, Jesus cares He cares for you.” He cares for you men out there too.

God creating man in his own image, so of course He will be the only one who can define the masculine heart. He knows your heart, and knows what you can handle. Take everything to Him in prayer, and He will mould your masculine heart. The book itself, does raise issues that I do not agree with, but that’s for another time. On the whole I found this book enjoyable which I was surprised about. For all your “Wild at Heart” readers out there, you should read “Captivating.”

And for all you William Wallace’s out there, the battle belongs to the Lord

peace

girl in the single lane

Wait for me too

2007-05-01T10:56:00.000+03:00

Hey bloggers!

Well, I got me a new video, as I’m sure some of you will have noticed. Rebecca St James, as most of you now know, is well known for this beautiful song. And it is don’t you think? Imagine this.

You just married the person of your dreams, and you are the happiest person alive. You think that you’re day could not get any better, when… it does. The one you have been waiting for, for so long, gives you a precious gift. They hand you a perfectly wrapped box, with a ribbon around it. Surprised, you pull the ribbon to release the knot, and unwrap that box. When you open this well kept box, you are overwhelmed by what you have found. Letters in abundance marked “My Husband/Wife”, pour out of the box. As you begin to read through them, you realise that this person who you have just married, prayed for you for years…prayed for you before you even met. Tears stream down your face, and you love the person more now, than you ever thought possible.

Cheesy?? Some would say, in fact…many would say. Rebecca ST James, I thank you. You have been my inspiration. I pray for my husband all the time. I don’t who he is, I don’t even know if I’ve met him…but He knows. And yes, I have written him letters, still do, and let me tell you, that is one of the strangest things to do. Write a letter to someone that you don’t even know. But it’s exciting too. Most guys would probably laugh in my face at the though of this, but my husband won’t. He will appreciate that, he will feel touched to know that I’ve been praying for him all this time. I’ve been praying for him for about 5 years. I guess at the beginning, I thought I knew who he was.

Almost three years later, I realised that he who I thought I would spend the rest of my life with…was not the guy for me. Thank you Lord for showing me this!Like I’ve said before, prayer is the most precious gift. Should my husband ever read this…I’m praying for you!!!You single people out there, I encourage you to pray for your future spouse. If you feel and truly believe God has a partner for you, then pray for them. You never know…they could be praying for you as we speak! What a thought eh?

peace

girl in the single lane

Wait for me

2007-04-24T13:26:00.000+03:00

Hey bloggers...
check out the video...

peace

girl in the single lane

If tomorrow never comes

2007-04-20T15:38:00.000+03:00

Hey bloggers

How are you all doing? Well, I am sure you can guess what this entry will be about. Yeh…you got it…If tomorrow never comes. We can thank Ronan Keeting for realising this song, and bringing our attention to that harsh reality that is: not knowing when you’re all out of chances; when you run out of time…

Ever felt like that? Story time, “Coz I’ve lost love once in my life”…well not exactly love, but a really cute guy! Yep you know that one…my high school crush. When it comes to “talking about feelings” I have learned that guys don’t do well in this topic of conversation. In fact, they fear it. They think that talking about “feelings” is weak, when actually it takes a really strong guy to open up his heart and share his feelings with someone. So girls…if it has happened to you, feel privileged, it doesn’t happen often…in my experience anyway.

Let’s skip straight to the song eh?

Sometimes late at night, I lie awake and watch her sleeping.
She lies in peaceful dreams, so I turn out the lights, and lie there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind, if I never wake in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel about her in my heart

If tomorrow never comes
Would she know who much I love her
Did I try in everywhere to show her everyday that she my only one
If my time of earth were through, she must face this work without me,
Is the love I gave her in the past, going to be enough to last if tomorrow never comes

Coz I’ve lost love once in my life, who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret that my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself, say each day how much she means to me, avoid that circumstance, where there’s no second chance, to tell how I feel

If tomorrow never comes
Would she know who much I love her
Did I try in everywhere to show her everyday that she my only one
If my time of earth were through, she must face this work without me, is the love I gave her in the past, going to be enough to last if tomorrow never comes

Well…some powerful words in there right? I often look back on my life, all 20 years of it, and think about the guys that I have liked. I consider how many of them I have actually opened up to, and confessed my true feelings for. The figures are surprisingly low. So here lies the question, should you always tell someone you have feelings for them? In my experience, it does not always end on a high. Don’t get me wrong, I have told people that I have feelings for them, when I have. And the results…not always as hurtful as some expect. Since my last boyfriend, I have developed a guard. I don’t often let it down, but I have once. Why did I tell him? What was he so special, I hear you ask. Well let me tell about him.

I think I have written about him before, I’m pretty sure I have. There was an attraction at first sight…the first time I saw him before evening talking to him, or being introduced to him. I can’t describe it, it was like…I was overwhelmed with butterflies about meeting him, and him only. In a room full of strangers, he was the only one who spoke to me. There was something in his voice that I will never forget. His kindness led to another meeting some two months later. His friends were invited to my family home, and he came along too. When he shared with me, his long-term plans in life, I was speechless. They matched mine, as a child. Following this we developed a friendship, and a good one at that. It was one based on Christian values, trust and respect. One late night, I was sitting at my computer chatting to a few people on MSN…he being one of them. He spoke about a girl he liked. You know the rest…this in a previous entry “Ever wanted what you can’t have?”

In a nutshell, the reason I told him how I felt about him, is because he confessed to liking me, and I believed it could have gone somewhere, I thought I saw a future there. I thought he’d be the last person I’d ever have to share things like this with; thought I’d give me heart to no other…little did I know what lay around the corner.

Anyway the point is, he knew how I felt about him, and for a while things were fine between us. We never dated, that I must emphasis, we sought the Lord and waited. In time we realised this was not what God wanted for us…sometimes not so easy to accept. There is one person that you should remind how much you love them. Not your girlfriend/boyfriend, mum/dad, brother/sister…God, your Creator, He who gave you life…

How often do we tell Him how much we love Him? Probably not enough…make an effort to tell Him how much He means to us. And of course, tell you partner, parents, family and friends, how much you love them too….that too is important.

Peace

Girl in the single lane

If I was invisible…wait I already am.

2007-04-18T11:17:00.000+03:00

Hey bloggers!

Ever felt like you are invisible? Allow me to set the scene, straight out of a Hollywood film. Boy meets girl…girl likes boy. Boy likes someone else, or is dating someone else. In a nutshell, that doesn’t sound too romantic now does it? Let me glam it up a bit.

I met this guy through a friend. We became good secret friends. We texted, and emailed, we got to know each other. We laughed together, and found out we have common interests. He has a way with words that lifts me up when I’m down. He encourages me to be all that I can be, and to fight for what I want. Guess he didn’t realise that meant him. When we are in a room together, but not talking to each other, for no particular reason, we shared something else. We just spend time looking at each other from a small distance.

Every time I was in the same room as him, I got butterflies. When he texts me, it takes a while for my smile, (the size of the grand canyon) to be removed from my face. He made me happy, although we were only ever just friends. I finally built up the courage to tell him how I feel, when I discover he’s dating someone else. Bummer!

Ever happened to you? You ask yourself, could he be more blind? You think to yourself that you could not have made it anymore obvious that you liked him, but he just didn’t see.

What you doing tonight, I wish I could be a fly on your wall.
Are you ready alone, still in your dreams, why can’t I breathe you in to my life?
What would it take to make you see that I’m alive?

If I was invisible
Then I could just watch you in your room
If I was invisible
I’d make you mine tonight

If hearts we unbreakable,
Then I could tell where I stand
I would be the smallest man

If I was invisible…
Wait, I already am.

Saw your face in the crowd I call out your name you don’t hear a sound
I keep tracing your steps, each move that you make
I wish I could read what goes through your mind
Wish you could touch me with the colours of you life

If I was invisible
Then I could just watch you in your room
If I was invisible
I’d make you mine tonight

If hearts we unbreakable,
Then I could tell where I stand
I would be the smallest man

If I was invisible…
Wait, I already am.

I am nothing without you, just a shadow passing through…

If I was invisible
Then I could just watch you in your room
If I was invisible
I’d make you mine tonight

If hearts we unbreakable,
Then I could tell where I stand
I would be the smallest man

If I was invisible, If I was invisible , If I was invisible …
Wait, I already am.

Thank you D-Side for that. Is that true for you? It is for me. I can’t sit here and tell you what to do, because I’m in this situation, and I don’t know what to do. I’ve decided to do nothing. Does he deserve to know? I guess, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to tell him. I can’t to that to him, or to his girlfriend, that’s not right, nor is it fair to anyone, is it??

Being invisible isn’t always a bad thing, trust me. As the class geek, I was invisible to the male species, unless they needed help with a math equation. Maths was my favourite subject and I excelled in it. But when you do see these guys for what they are, sometimes you’re glad to be invisible to them.

You make yourself invisible or visible. That’s up to you. You can hide away in a corner, and live a sheltered life, or you can make yourself known, and speak up a little. Let people know who you are, let your personality come out…be yourself!!! Don’t ever change for someone, change only for yourself.

peace

girl in the single lane

Once upon a time

2007-04-10T16:59:00.000+03:00

Once upon a time, there was a girl who went on holiday with her family. While on holiday, she was reunited with the boyfriend: previously arranged of course. Reunited for the first time in a year, no affection was visible. To the outsider, they were just friends, but to Alison and Andrew, they were more than that. Andrew, being athletic, participated in most sporting events, where Alison, less athletic, did not. This often left Alison alone to gather her thoughts, and write poetry, which she often did.

Alison, a school girl, anxiously waited for the dreaded exam results, as she required only one pass for University. She had a circle of friends here, by the time her results came through. Andrew had introduced her to Paul: an older guy, who always carried his bible under his arm. Through general conversation, Alison had shared with stranger, Paul, that she was awaiting fate in the form of exam results.

One sunny summers day was about to end in tears for poor Alison. She discovers that she has failed her exam, and feels herself at a loss. Alison’s saddened parents, comfort her, as she cries into her lap. They leave the room, to allow Alison to be comforted by Andrew. Alison longed for a hug of comfort…but what did she get? A sympathetic eye and a cold shoulder. No hug, no feeling of warmth or comfort…nothing!

Alison carried on as normal, but dreaded Paul asking how she scored on her exam. Evening came, and Alison’s eyes were finally dry, and no longer puffy or red. Paul walked over to her with high anticipation. “How did you do?” he asks, eager to here that she was successful. Upon finding out, she had not been successful, he offers his apologises, and tells her, he’ll pray for her.

Let examine the difference here. Long-term partner of Alison, offered nothing but a cold shoulder, whereas this complete stranger offers his prayers and apologises. There’s more to come.

The next day, not much had changed by way of how Alison was feeling. She did realise that this was part of God’s plan, but was unaware why. A day packed with mixed emotions, came to a slow end, with a night of ten pin bowling. Just before Alison left, Paul called her over. After not seeing Paul all day, she was keen to see how he was doing. She walks over to see him. “I was praying for you last night and today”. Isn’t that one of the nicest things to hear ever? To hear someone say that they prayed for you, is the most beautiful gift there is. He had written down a few bible versus for Alison, so she writes them down on a piece of scrap paper that he has. She also keys them into her phone for quickness, as she is being rushed by her friends who are keen to leave for bowling. Alison, touched that Paul prayed for her, leaves with a smile on her face, and arranges to meet Paul the following day.

The evening ended, and morning came. After breakfast, Alison and Andrew went for a walk to talk about things. Alison receives a phone call from her sister, telling her that she has been offered a place at summer school, after which she could go to University, if she passes. Excited Alison wants to share the news with Paul. Andrew and the boys, go and play a came of football, leaving Alison sitting on the grass at the side. Paul walks over to keep Alison company. She shares the good news, to wish he replies to with “that’s an answer to prayer”. The time they shared together will remain in Alison’s mind as a beautiful memory.

Football finishes, and a few of the gang play a game on the grass. Paul and Alison exchange flirty jokes to each other, but no-one picks up on this. Paul and Alison spend a lot of time together for the remaining few days. They form a strong friendship which was founded on God’s greatness.

Hours before Alison leaves, she waits patiently, searching for Paul to come and say goodbye to her. He didn’t come. He disappeared into thin air, never to be seen again. Both go their separate ways, unable to contact each other. Andrew and Alison break up shortly after, and Alison tries to find a way to find Paul. She fails. She prays for him everynight…for a year and a half, praying that he would be kept safe. She still prays for him, just not as often as she once did. She sits and wonders how he is doing, if he’s married or single, if he’s still walking with God…wondering if he still lives. Alison remembers him when she is reminded that her husband while carry a bible under his arm everywhere he goes. She has only met two guys who fit this description, Paul, and on other, who is now in a relationship.

The hope for tomorrow hangs in the air. Alison carries with her in her purse, those bible versus he shared with her, along with a photo of him. Is he the man she will marry someday? Will fate bring them back together? Alison hands this over to God and waits patiently to find out what He has is store for her.

Faith brought us together
Destiny took us apart
We will always be together
If we only follow our heart.

peace

girl in the single lane

Great is He, who is my strength

2007-03-19T00:29:00.001+02:00

Hey bloggers!

Girl in the single lane, still in the single lane and life is going good. It’s been such a long time since I’ve said that, and actually meant it.

One thing I have learned recently…not learned for the first time, but I guess I was just reminded of this. God’s will is perfect, and friends are important.

I recently attended an event that I honestly did not wish to attend. However, I had an obligation to go, as I had said to a friend I would be there, and therefore made that commitment. So, “what magical thing happened?” I hear you asking, is that right?? Well, actually, something magical did happen.

There was a very special, unique friend of mine there. He is truly one of a kind, and is beautiful beyond description. He told me that He would never leave me, and that everything that happens in my life, happens for a reason. He told me that everybody I talk to, every conversation I have…all means something to someone.

Recently, things have not been great for me for a number of reasons…but He made me see that other things are so much more important than University, and lecturers and other professionals involved in aiding my learning. There is more to life than tears and heartache, and sorrow and failure.

I’ll let you in on a little secret…this amazing friend of mine, loves you!!! Yes you heard me, He loves you!! Who is this amazing character that I speak of? God the Father!! He showed me His abounding love through many people that I met at this event…people is the wrong word…friends. Friends that I didn’t expect to see there, or share fellowship with, changed the whole night for me.

So there I was, surrounded by an ocean of believers, recognising only a few faces, and still feeling completely out of place. In the duration of the night, my feelings had completely changed. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many happy, cheery, friendly people all together in one room before. And not only that, but some of these people actually wanted to share in fellowship with me, and better still, some of them wanted to pray for the CU that I am involved in. How amazing is that? I’d never met more than half of these people, and they still wanted to hear all about my CU and offer prayer and support. I realised how lucky I am that night.

We as a body of Christians need to stick together and support each other. God is the ultimate support I’m not denying that. He is great, and is my strength when I am weak…which happens a lot let me tell you. But He also brings other believers into our lives, He allows these paths to cross for a reason: for fellowship!

To all who were there at the event mentioned throughout this, thank you so much.

peace

girl in the single lane

When it’s gone, it’s gone!

2007-03-12T18:10:00.000+02:00

Hey bloggers!

Just me, checkin’ in with y’all. It’s been a wee while I know, had a lot on my mind lately with course work and such. Something that has been on my mind recently that does not relate to course work is this…when it’s gone, you’ve lost it.

Big yellow taxi…come on, sing along

“Don’t it always seem to go, that you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone, I paid paradise to put up a parking lot.”

How true is that? I can relate this to myself, and I’m sure thousands of people out there can do the same. As I’ve told you all before, when I ended things with my ex partner, I lost one of my best friends that day. And our friendship has never been the same since. That is something I have to live with, because it was me who ended it, and it was me who cut off all contacts.

I woke up this morning, and feel over a box of old photos. Some fun memories were brought back, as I searched through these photos in a hunt for some old embarrassing pictures of my parents. It was not long until my mission was accomplished. There were photos from when my parents were engaged, through to being part of a family with three children…my family.

In my hunt, I stumbled across some old holiday photos, and yes, you’ve guessed it…I found pictures of my ex and his family at the dinner table. “This is so crazy” I said to myself. It’s funny looking back now, because when these very pictures were taken, it was that summer that I realised I like this guy. I was reminded of the fun games we played that summer, from football, to volleyball and table tennis, and of course Uno. Who can forget that. I remember playing football with him and the lads, only the once though…the guys didn’t like female players. However, when we did play this one game together…he was the only guy to ever pass me the ball. I’ll never forget that.

During these crazy summers, I went through a hat phase. I’m embarrassed to say, but yes…I had loads of hats, all different shapes and colours. That summer he bought a hat that was the same style as mine, the same brand, but was a different colour. I think I actually stole it for a game of something (dangerous flirting I know)….and he actual said I could keep it. Ok ok ok…so there was flirting on both parts, I see that now.

We had a great friendship, we really did. I told him EVERYTHING!! There are not a lot of people out there who know everything about, but he did. We laughed, cried and made jokes, we argued and cuddled and went for walks together. We were close friends and then partners.

Part me didn’t realise that when I broke up with him, all of the above to gradually disappear, and never happen again. But the harsh reality is that I lost all of that, that fateful day. I still have my memories though…and I will carry them with me everywhere I go. Every time I see a Virgin train, I think of him. I used to get that train to go visit him. I bet some of you are thinking, “yeh, but how often do you see a Virgin train?”. Good question. I see them twice a day on my way to University…so that’s four times a week currently.

If you ever read this, my ex…I realise now what I lost when I said goodbye. I’m sorry it took that harsh break-up and two years of reflection, to show me what a great friendship we shared.

People, please try and appreciate those who are in your life right now. It’s a shame but the song is so true…you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.

peace

girl in the single lane

love is like an onion

2007-02-15T23:34:00.000+02:00

Hey bloggers!!
How are you all doing?? Happy Valentines Day, I guess!! For some of you, I imagine you were smothered with beautiful gifts, and precious flowers, and cheesy cards….but for others of you, things may have been a little different. Some, kinda like myself, probably don’t see February 14th as a special day…and there are those of you people who wish they had someone to share this “special day” with. I think Carol Ann Duffy says it all with this beautiful poem. She compares love to an onion…and if you’re thinking of Shrek, some would say, it stinks!!! But that’s not what I’m meaning here, nor is that what Carol Ann Duffy means. Just read it, and look at the beautiful imagery she uses…it’s just so stunning!!

Not a red rose or a satin heart.
I give you an onion.
It is a moon wrapped in brown paper.
It promises lightlike the careful undressing of love.
Here.

It will blind you with tearslike a lover.
It will make your reflectiona wobbling photo of grief.

I am trying to be truthful.

Not a cute card or kissogram.
I give you an onion.Its fierce kiss will stay on your lips,
possessive and faithfulas we are,
for as long as we are.

Take it.Its platinum loops shrink to a wedding ring,
if you like.
Lethal.
Its scent will cling to your fingers,cling to your knife. -- Carol Ann Duffy

So, what does it mean? Well, here’s my interpretation of what it means. Love is not all about red roses or satin hearts, it goes much deeper than that. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure every girl would love to be on the receiving end of red roses, I know I would. An onion…wow!!! Love does come to us like a gift, because it is a precious, precious gift, wrapped so delicately in “brown paper”, like an onion. I’m sure we all know that an onion is wrapped in a crisp brown shell.

Love is pain!!! To quote Shane West is “A Walk to Remember”. This poem agrees. Love is not all fluffy, and cheery, it will come with tears. You know yourself when you cry, your vision becomes all fuzzy…”wobbly” even…are you still following me??

I have to admit, I don’t like onions, I really don’t. They have a very strong taste to them yeah? I have chopped my fair share of onions, and boy…does that scent sure hang around, “fierce kiss”.

Good old onion rings eh?? White in colour, and when left out, unprotected, shrink. And sadly, sometimes relationships end, there’s where the knife comes into it. Take it from someone who knows…that sting, the “scent” does hang around for some time. even for the person who made the decision to end the relationship, (the knife), the sting clings to it.

So…what did you think?? I personally love it, and think its great!!

peace

Relationships lead to...

2007-02-08T13:10:00.000+02:00

hey bloggers!!

Why do two people get together? Is it because they like each other? Can’t take their eyes off each other? Like being in each other’s company? Like each other’s personality?

These are all fair game, except from “can’t take my eyes off you”. That is what we call, being with someone based on physical attraction. Will that actually last? Unlikely. When two people get together, do they actually consider the possibilities for their future? You know where I stand on this; I do not need to go into this over and over again. My view is, with the intent of marriage.

So, a few tips then when entering into a relationship, with the possibility of marriage in the future.

Are they a Christian? Not only do they have to believe in Christ, but a whole load of thing with that. Sadly Christianity is one of the most diverse religions out there…and too often; people get together on the basis of one saying “I’m a Christian”. But I believe that you can be unevenly yoked with believers, as well as un-believers.
Why do you like them? Is it purely physical? If it is, then ask yourself, what would happen, if their physical appearance changed? Beauty lies within, according to Captivating. Get to know them.
How much do you really know about this person? Have you met their family? These things are to be taken seriously, especially if you are taking the relationship seriously. When you do meet their parents, watch how they interact with them. You know the old saying “the way a woman treats her father, is how she will treat her husband” and the same lies for men. The way they treat their mother, is the way they’ll treat their wife. That can be exciting to see, but it can also be off putting.
Do you really know them? Spend time getting to know them as friends first…then really good friends…and things will progress from there. The longer the friendship is, the more of that person, you really see. When you have only known them, a short time, you will only see what they want you to see. Take it from someone who knows…looks can be deceiving.
What do you want from this relationship? Are you both agreed on the intentions of this relationship? What is the point of this relationship if none of you have given marriage second thought??

Just a few tips from me to you. But at the end of the day, do what you will. Life is not all about marriage, but marriage can be a part of your life…so think wisely before entering into it. Pray whole-heartedly that before entering into a relationship, and seek God. He will give you a clear path to walk down, if you ask Him to show you.

peace

girl in the single lane

Captivating

2007-01-30T00:34:00.000+02:00

hey my bloggin' friends!!

Every girl has a wounded heart. Really? I’m not entirely sure they do. I grew up in a loving Christian home, where I was not physically or verbally abused. My parents loved me very much, and always encouraged me in pursuing my ambitions. That consisted of education, and choice of university courses. So, I had a happy childhood within the home, and an ok childhood out with the home. Sure, I was picked on at school, and verbally bullied, but it was never anything too bad. It was bearable, so there were no real wounds.

David, that big part of my past. Although things did not end so pleasantly, when I really think about what we shared, I remember they were happy times. The moment I remember most was when we went for a walk through the most beautiful park I have ever seen. It was a cold, wet December day, and we walked hand in hand on the perfectly laid path, which was so neatly woven between the flowers, so that without coming off the path, you could see the whole of the park. We saw it all, in all it’s glory, with the sun beating off the petals of the most delicate flowers. I remember feeling safe and secure in his arms, and I remember feeling loved.

These memories are a big part of who I am now, and David…I thank you for that. If you knew me now, how much you would see I’ve changed. I think it’s safe to say that we were both wounded by this cold, harsh break-up. But my wounds have healed, thanks for my beautiful creator. The scars still remain, but I don’t look to them, and remember the pain. No, not at all. Instead I look at the scars, and remember how much David taught me, and how much God taught me through this relationship. He was the first boy I ever thought I’d grow old with, and at the time, I thought he’d be the last. He was the first guy I was ever really serious about, and actually felt, I had a future with. He was the first guy I said “I love you” too, and actually felt something when those words left my mouth. He was the first guy who, when he said “I love you” to me, I got a tingling feeling throughout my body, and butterflies in the pit of my stomach. With this, came a smile that I thought would never leave my face.

It’s crazy now, how much things have changed. I wish I could sit here and tell you, he and I were still good friends, and that we were able to come out the other side in one piece. As you know, we spoke recently, via emails, and it truly blesses me to know, that he made it out the other side. And more than that, he’s not living in a single lane, dwelling on the past, but has moved away from that. Although I am still very much in the single lane, that’s what is right for me, for this part of my life. Yes…I think about the past, but I think about the present, and the future. I know what my past held, and know my present, but as for the future? Well…I’m sure that will be full of surprises. I have no doubt in my mind that it will, because my creator has written my story. Yes, you heard me. My wonderful Saviour has written my love story, and well, you only have to read the bible to see what He is capable of. He is a real romantic, of course He is, He created it.

Beauty is within me women, according to “Captivating”. The authors talk about women who strive for outer beauty, and disregard inner beauty, and sometimes it’s because we don’t understand inner beauty. I am not beautiful; I’ll say that right now. That’s why through this entire blog, there has never been one picture of me published. Look back if you don’t believe me, and are just checkin in. Having said that, I don’t wear make-up, and do my hair all fancy, nor do I fall fashion. I wear what I want, when I want, and honestly don’t have much of a second thought, for what people think of my appearance. As for inner beauty…I’m not really sure where I stand on that scale. But I do know one thing. I have the most beautiful, precious gift from the heavenly Father, living in me. That must count for something right?

This book also states, that every guy, wants to be a hero and rescue his one true love. It that true?? All you guys out there, is it? It’s a beautiful idea for us women, isn’t it? To have our knight in shinning armour come and rescue us. Think about it, it’s the fairytale fantasy. Every fairytale has a beautiful girl, who’s beauty if not truly revealed until the guy falls in love with her. At the end of these films, prince charming rescues his true love, and they all lived happily ever after.

It’s a beautiful idea, it really is, but guys…is it true?

peace

girl in the single lane

Two years of being single

2007-01-27T01:25:00.000+02:00

Hey bloggers, out there…how are y’all?

Single for two years eh? When, I tell people that, some say, “poor you, what a lonely two years” and some say, “congratulations”. What do I say? Singleness is not an achievement so to speak, but a way of life. It hasn’t been an easy two years though, and has had many up’s and down’s.

I’ve not exactly had guys falling at my feet, nor have I had no interest from the male species.
After a painful break-up two years ago, someone wise told me how I would identify my husband. Was it a word from God, voiced through this man? Possibly. This is what he said. My husband will carry a bible under his arm, everywhere he goes…that is how I will know him. Was that literal or metaphorical? Who knows…but one is for sure. He will be grounded in the word of God.

A dear friend said to me, just the other day “you will know when you’ve met your husband. You’ll just know.” (Shout out to Kimi)
Do I know? No! Does that mean I have not met him? Well, maybe, but maybe not. If what this wise man said, was literal, than I have met but one guy who carried a bible under his arm, and since that day I saw him, our paths have not crossed again.

Trying to sum up the past two years of my life in one entry, is impossible. I’ve written about my life over the past 10 months in some 80 entries, so if you have any desire to know, then feel free to read them.

One thing I have learned over the past two years is this. Let go of your past and the things that are completely out of your control. What’s done is done, and you can’t change the past. Believe it or not, time machines don’t exist. So, you can’t change the past no, but you can use it to direct your future.

peace

girl in the single lane

What is in a name?

2007-01-24T23:19:00.001+02:00

Hey bloggers!

Today, this entry is about, what can happen when you go against the will of God, and for this, I will use a well-known passage from the Bible, to illustrate my point.
In the book of Ruth, we meet some interesting people. I have called this “What is in a name?” be cause it’s completely relevant to this story.

First we meet, Elimelech, which means “My God a King”, who marries Naomi, meaning “My Pleasant One”. They both live in the land of Bethlehem, “House of bread” in Judah, “Praise”. So…why then is there a famine in the land? Anyway…Naomi and Elimelech, has two sons, called Mahlon, and Chilion, meaning “Sickly” and “Pining” respectively. Now, how can that happen? How can “My Pleasant One” and “My God a King” produce “Sickly” and “Pining”?

Also, Mahlon and Chilion were both Ephrathities, meaning “Fruitfulness”, yet neither have any offspring? Why? Well…after the death of their father, they both married Moabitesses. This is something that they were forbidden to do…hence the first paragraph. Can it be? Could God be in on this? Sickly and Pining, who were “fruitful” did not have children, could this be because they went against the will of God? Possibly…

I think nowadays, people have little interest in the will of God…from my experience anyway. They do what they want, when they want, and as long as they are happy, that’s all that seems to matter to them. Why have what you can right now, instead of waiting for what is part of someone’s perfect plan? Yeh…sure take what you can get right now, and I’m sure that will satisfy you, for now. But what about in the long run? Why have something that is good, when if you wait, you could have something that is great?

But then, what do I know…I’m just a girl in the single lane…waiting

peace

girl in the single lane

The importance of being patient

2007-01-13T20:01:00.000+02:00

Hey all you blogger out there!

Girl in the single lane checking in! How y’all doing out there?
Life in the single lane eh? Am I any closer to coming off the single lane and going into the dual carriage way? No. I thought I might have been, but I misread the sign. And you know what, it happens. I’m glad it did, because now I know, that there is still someone special out there for me. There is someone “more perfect for me, than I’ve ever dreamed”. The person, who sang those words, is totally right, and sometimes we juts need to be reminded.

Let’s go back to Eden. Adam was put into a deep sleep while God created for him, his wife. God spent a lot of time creating Eve, so that she would be perfect for Adam; completely compatible in every way. Now there’s an example of love at first sight if ever I saw one. Adam didn’t go looking for a companion, he merely waited on God. What an example to follow eh?

How long do you have to wait? I don’t have the answer to that. Here’s what I do know though. Someone I hold dear to me, have their first partner just a year ago and things ended horribly. My friend was completely crushed. She was hurting more than words could ever describe, and not only because he treated her badly, but she had waited for “the one” and found “the arrogant one”. Not the same thing now is it? A year later, she has learned so much from that short-lived relationship. She is now in a relationship with another guy, who treats her like a princess. That’s they way she deserves to be treated. He even asked her father’s permission to date her, how sweet is that? And now, I’ve never seen her so happy. God taught her a lot, and although at the time, she did not see the light through her pain…she can now. She found the one she was waiting for, when she wasn’t even looking for him. She sought a friend, and found a partner.

The importance of being patient. Something many people struggle with I’m sure. Take your time folks; you can’t rush perfection now can you? Just remember, you can get a ticket for speeding down the single lane, and no-one wants that do they? I say it, like it is so easy eh? I know it’s not. This time two years ago, I was in a happy relationship talking about weddings. And now, I could not be further from where I was then, if I tried. God calls us to do so many things, and sometimes, we make our choice to come out of the single lane, instead of waiting on Him calling us out. Being in a relationship is time-consuming, in the nicest possible way. You need to devote a lot of time to your partner and them to you. I know God has called me to study social work, and I just discovered why Paisley. That is where my attention needs to go, I need to focus completely on what I know, He has called me to do. I don’t have the time for a partner right now. It wouldn’t be fair to him, because I know; I couldn’t devote sufficient time, effort and attention into a relationship right now.

peace

girl in the single lane

When you like someone

2007-01-02T19:57:00.000+02:00

Hey bloggers!

How y’all doing? What do you do when you like someone…well actually I’m not sure what you do. As I find myself in this situation, I really don’t know what to do. I thought about telling him, but really, there is no point. As I mentioned before, he doesn’t even know I exist and I don’t really like that makes a good foundation for any kind of relationship, do you?

He is the guy I have written about before…in case you are just tuning in let me fill you in briefly. This guy is someone who I was starting to become friends with, until one day, things took a 180 degree turn. Reasons for why this happened, I’m still unsure about. Although he and I rarely spoke face to face, we communicated in other ways, and when we were face to face, we acknowledged each other, with a constant stare. He is a Christian, which is so important, and from what I know if him, he’s a nice guy.

It’s funny I watched Pride and Prejudice last night…the BBC version. What I share with this person is similar to that of Elizabeth Bennett and Mr Darcy, with two big differences. In the movie, they get their happy ending, and I never hated this guy, the way Elizabeth hated Mr Darcy. I feel like, if I told him how I felt, I would be shot down and attacked, the way Mr Darcy was when he first confessed his feelings for Elizabeth Bennett. I’m not strong enough for that kind of rejection.

Now, he doesn’t even know I exist, bummer eh? Well, maybe not. It feels like he only talks to me in public now, because he has something to prove to the other people who are around us. It’s as if, he’s showing all these people, how nice and friendly he is to new people. So why do I like him, I hear you ask? I don’t really know. I guess I remember how this friendship began, and it began well. I could wait a lifetime for that nice guy to repossess his body. This new person who looks like this guy I once knew, is so different I don’t even know him. However, He encourages me in my walk with Christ, and not many people go out of their way to do that for me. The funny thing is I don’t think he intentionally set out to encourage me with his honesty, but he did.

Every time we are in the same room, even still, I can feel him looking at me. He often catches me looking back. When he does, I wonder what he is thinking. Probably something like “why does that eejit keep looking at me?”. I guess, I will never know, because I will never ask him, and I will never ask him why he keeps looking at me. A lifetime of wondering “what if?” is probable here? Not a lifetime, just a little while, but it will pass, as he walks out of my life permanently.

Try not live a life of “what if’s”. If you fear you might then ask all the questions you need to, to prevent that from happening. Living life, wondering “what if?” ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. Take it someone who knows, it only confuses you and drives you crazy. Wondering “what if?” completely takes over your mind, and you can struggle to think about anything else, or focus on anything productive. Try and avoid this at all costs. I say this to help you, trust me.

peace

girl in the single lane

Happy New Year

2007-01-02T01:21:00.000+02:00

hey bloggers!

Well, first of all, Happy New Year guys!

2007…I can’t believe it’s here already. Every year, on the 1st of January, my grandparents take my family out for dinner, and this year was to be no different. We go to the same restaurant every year, and again, this year was no different. However, we do normally get a different table every time we go…not this year. We sat at the same table, we sat at two years ago, when my partner at the time, joined us for dinner.

It was so strange, being at that table again. Being at the table that he was welcomed into our family at, two years ago. This was the first time my grandparents met him, and it was a great day. I’ve still got the pictures, from that day. It’s about all the memories I still have, that are visible to other people. With everything that has happened too, in recent weeks, this just reminded me of what I lost on the 27th on January, 2005.

I lost one of my best friends that day. He was not just a dear friend though, as you know. He was the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with, loving him, serving him, and praising God with him. If you read my previous entry, “But then I miss you, most at Christmas time”, then you’ll know where this is coming from. I miss him! What we shared was something special, and although to the world, it will not appear that way, it was to me. What I mean by this is, to the world, a relationship appears to be largely based on physical interactions, and appearances, but not for us. I really cared about him, and how he felt, and what he was thinking.

Do I miss the relationship we had? Sometimes, I guess I do. It was nice to know there was always someone to talk to, out with the family. Someone who could give you a big hug, when you needed it most and someone who would text you, just to say hi. I miss the friendship we had too. We had some fun times, with signs (funny game to be played late at night), football, (involving me being in goals, getting bruised as I saved the ball, or out on the field, with him being to only guy who would pass to me), moose-pants, (another game to be played at night, lol!), uno…and many more.

A new year has just started, and already, as I look to the near future, there’s a lot going on. University this year, is just going to be crazy, with course work, placement, not to mention the increased responsibility placed upon me at the Christian Union. On the plus side, searching for prince charming could not be more out of my mind…I just don’t have time, lol!! Sorry, husband, if you ever read this in years to come, LOL!
However, I do like somebody. And no, he doesn’t know, nor will he ever, because he doesn’t even know I exist. You know what I’m talking about, if you have read previous entries. Such is life, I guess! Obviously, it’s not meant to be, and that’s fine.

Lord, let Your will be done in my life this year. Take over my heart, and protect it.

peace

girl in the single lane

But then I miss you, most at Christmas time

2006-12-30T20:56:00.000+02:00

Hey bloggers out there,

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Well, this Christmas has been like no other, in fact the whole month has been a little crazy. I’ve had a tough month at University and my placement, but I’m getting through it now. December 15th, I had a crap day, but a really good night. I was at a friend’s house with other CU committee members, and it was a lot of fun. It was three years that day, that my grandmother went home to be with the Lord. It was good just to be able to have a fun, and still remember her. Thank you to those who entertained me that night.

Then there was Christmas. After reading my previous entry, you will know that my ex is back in touch with me. The title is for you. I’m not going to lie, it wasn’t easy hearing from him again, especially at this time of year, when we spent our last days together. When he got in touch, it was around that time of year, that I stayed with his parents for a few days…how strange is that? I am so glad he got in touch though, do not be mistaken. It is still a little strange, but obviously, we were so close, please know, we had a lovely relationship. In fact this time, two years ago, we went to the pictures, and he let me pick the film. I’m sure he quickly regretted that when I picked the only chick flick there was, “Ella Enchanted”. To my surprise, my mother bought me this film for my Christmas this year. As I opened the neatly wrapped gift, a whirlwind of memories came rushing back. Wow!!!! The only thing about the film I remembered, was that the prince found his queen. I remember thinking, I had found my prince, as my ex and I watched the film together. How things have changed.

New year and Christmas, are always tough times of year for a lot of people. Since my grandmother went home, there was a stronger relationship with my cousins. It’s crazy how something so tragic can bring people together, but it happens...too often. However, this year has been tough. With my father going into hospital for an operation the week before Christmas, and having to go into hospital on Christmas day, it was obvious, the normal routine would change. Thankfully, he is doing well, although, bless his heart, he still walks like John Wayne from time to time.

Christmas, this year was going to be different for another reason too. As I mentioned before, the relationship with my cousins was beginning to grow stronger. Well, not anymore. Since a disagreement with my family and theirs, little communication has taken place. My father made a decision not to attend my cousins engagement party, as her fiancé is not a Christian. My whole family backed my father, as did the bible, but still, my cousins disagreed. Thousands would disagree with what my family did, but I don’t. Marrying a non-Christian, is like giving yourself away to the world of darkness. Why would anyone ask their father to do that?

The real meaning of Christmas, is Christ and His birth. “For unto us a child is born” our King was born, in a stable. How awesome is that? Here’s a rap that I co-wrote and performed at my church this year. It was great, I managed to get the pastor of the church to take part, it was a good laugh. If you know the theme tone to “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air”, think of this rap as, ”The Fresh King Who’s Just and Fair”

Mary ~ Yo, this is the story all about how, my life got flipped-turned upside down. I’d like to take a minute, so sit right there, I’ll tell you how I bore the King who is just and fair.

Joseph ~ In Bethlehem born in the stable bare, there was no room in the inn, that’s why we were there. There was our Son, lying in a manger, yet He was the Messiah, what could be stranger?

Jesus ~ A King name Herod was up to no good, started killing babies, in my neighbourhood. One word from an angel and my parents got scared, they said “We’re moving with you auntie and uncle over there” (point to Bethlehem sign)

Shepherd # 1 ~ We saw a strange sight, and when we got near

Shepherd # 2 ~ An angel said, “men please do not fear”

Shepherd # 1 ~ if anything we could say that this sight of rare

Shepherd # 2 ~ so off we went to worship, the New King over there (point to Bethlehem sign again)

Angel/rapper 6 ~ He went up to the cross, not many years later, to say to the world, that His love was much greater. It ushered in His Kingdom, and soon we’ll be there, where He sits on the throne as the King who’s just and fair.

Well, what do you think? It’s just a bit of fun, and not completely accurate, but the kids loved it!

Anyhoo…girl in the single lane signing out, for the last time this year! Have a fun-filled New Year celebration folks. May all your hopes, dreams, and wishes come true this year for you all.

peace

girl in the single lane

When your ex is back in your life

2006-12-07T11:19:00.000+02:00

hey bloggers!

You’re walking along in the single lane, and things are going great. There are a few hiccups, but you still stay in the single lane waiting for God to call you out of it. You patiently wait for the Lord, and struggle to keep your focus on Him. You meet guys and think…mmm could they be the one? God constantly teaches you, to wait for Him, and to love your brothers, as brothers. You stumble across something unfamiliar and curiosity makes you dig deeper. At a closer you look, you are taken aback by what you have discovered. It’s him. That big part of your past, is back, but in a very different way.

Relieved are you, when you discover he is happily with someone else. You are reassured that the break up was right, right for both of you. He may have met his wife now, and that’s great. Do not doubt, that the relationship you shared with him, will teach you a lot, it might even have taught him a few things. You haven’t forgotten the relationship you shared with him, he might still remember too.

I am reminded of the pain I caused him, as these memories come flooding back, and I just hope that he has learned from that experience. “Whatever doesn’t kill you, only makes you stronger” or so they say. For me, everything that I put into that relationship, I keep close to my heart now. If you know me, you’ll know this, I am now a very guarded young woman. I am reluctant to let any guy in, but this is not all because of this past relationship, part of it is that, I don’t want to let any guy in who is not my husband. So I shut them all out. He, David, has taught me a lot, more than he will ever know, have I taught him anything? Maybe not, but the very fact that I learned so much tells me, that our relationship wasn’t a complete waste of time. Some good did come out of it, although it wasn’t obvious straight away.

My father just asked me, do I still think about my ex? Yeah, I do. Not in a “I want to get back with him” way, but I do wonder what he is doing at University, and I do still pray for him, that he would continue to grow in Christ. I know this guy is not my husband, and I’m pretty sure, he knows I’m not his wife, but the past does still exist. Any regrets? People ask me this so often when they hear my story, and yes I do have one. I would change one thing…the way I harshly ended the relationship, and cut off all contact with him.

Why did I do that? I’m only human and I have to admit, it was for selfish reasons…it was too hard for me. It was too hard to be “just friends” with this person that I, had held such strong feelings for. I couldn’t cope with it. Every time he got in touch, I wept…sometimes I replied…but this shortly died. If you (my ex) ever read this…I am so sorry!

Someone said to be that they saw something pure in me, well, I’m not. I’m just a sinner, who makes so many mistakes all the time. It was my sin that nailed Him to that rugged cross, and I’m so thankful for His forgiveness.

peace

girl in the single lane

What do you do when everyone around you are “coupling off”, except you?

2006-11-29T23:27:00.000+02:00

Hey bloggers!

How y’all doing? Someone said to me recently, that a group of Christian friends went away together for a weekend. And I quote “everybody came back with someone”…everyone came back with a boyfriend/girlfriend…how wise it that? I don’t know, but one thing I do know, I know what it feels like to be single. I have been single for 672 days, and still going strong. It isn’t easy by no means, but I’m still here…and why? Some of you may ask.

Is it because no-one wants me? Well…partly, but I’m ok with that. I don’t want a boyfriend right now, nor am I ready to have a guy in my life like that.

Is it because I like being single? Again…partly. It’s not always easy, but the more time I’ve got in the single lane, the more time I’ve got to get to know God personally. Not only that, as I get to know Him and grow like Him, then I am being crafted into a wife, and He is preparing me for marriage. I am no where near there yet, I’m only 20 years old, but I’m heading in that direction.

As I wait for a man who is Christ-like, with so many Christ-like qualities, I myself, need to become Christ-like, and possess these qualities too. I have to stop and think

What am I waiting for? As I think about certain characteristics that I imagine my husband to have, I am faced with the image of Christ. So then…what is my husband waiting for? A woman who is Christ-like, and possesses Christ-like qualities.

My advise, use your time in the single lane wisely. Grow like Christ and draw closer to Him. In doing so, He is making you the wife/husband, He wants you to be. How exciting. So you know what, don’t rush it. Wait on the Lord and remember, His plan for you, is perfect.

peace

girl in the single lane

Ephesians 5: 22-28

2006-11-21T12:20:00.000+02:00

hey all you bloggers out there! Just be checking in, letting y'all know I'm still alive!

Power is something a lot of people struggle with isn’t it?

At the bible study I attend regularly, we discussed in passing, the significance of man being the head of the house as Jesus is the head of the church. It would appear that some women don’t like the thought of man having any authority over them, in any way shape or form. I on the other hand, like the idea of having man have authority over me, as Christ has over the church.

“ Wives submit to you own husbands, so to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Saviour of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husband in everything. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot r wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.”

I feel I need to add in the last part of this sentence, because so many women assume that when you submit to your husband, giving him his right place in the home, means to let your husband walk all over you. That’s not true at all. Women, men who abuse their position in the home, are out there, I’m not going to deny it…but if you marry the person God has for you, then I have faith, that this wouldn’t happen.

Husbands love your wives as Christ loves the church…who what not want that? Honestly, what woman out there would not want to be loved like that? Isn’t that exciting when you think about it like that? That one human out there will love you as Christ loves the church. Wow…where do I sign up? Wives submit to your husbands, as to the Lord…that’s going to be some task, I doubt it will always be easy. But hey…that’s part of the fun isn’t it? Marriage is not a smooth operation people, it will have it’s up’s and down’s, as anything relationship does.

But with God all things are possible. Just because tow people disagree on something small, it doesn’t mean that they don’t love each other anymore…marriage is all about compromise. I can’t sit here and tell you everything about marriage, because I’m single. I don’t know much about married life…but it’s something I look forward too…that’s for sure.

peace

girl in the single lane

think before you act

2006-11-09T12:16:00.000+02:00

Hey all you bloggers out there!

Last week, I asked for help on finishing my last entry, because I didn’t know how to end it. Partly because this situation it still kind of on-going and therefore has not come to a natural end, making it difficult to predict how it will end. After a comment from a good friend, I realized a few things. Firstly people, if you think you like a fellow believer, then that’s cool! But if every time you approach this person to talk to them or whatever, you think about how lovely he is (to look at) and how much you like him, then yeh, of course nerves could get the better of you. But…if you like a brother/sister in the Lord, then start treating them as such. These butterflies might not go away straight away, but that’s ok. You’ll learn to control them, instead of them controlling you. If you think “he’s my brother” your feelings might not end, but that’s ok too. Treat him like a brother though, and show him how sisterly you can be. This is a great foundation for a solid friendship in Christ.

Secondly, if you get to know someone because you think “he’s the one” and he meets someone else…what is the foundation for your friendship with him? Chances are, if your friendship is based on “maybe’s” then, the friendship could come to a sudden end. Sadly this does happen, I’ve been there myself, and it’s not pleasant. Lastly, something that another good friend said to me this week, which made me see things and I completely different way. If you like someone, and start a relationship with him, without seeking God, this could be disastrous. If you both believe in yourselves that God wants to get married some day, and enter a relationship without seeking God, what do you think the outcome will be? Say you guys break up, and you discover that this wasn’t what God wanted for either of you, but that He has someone special for both of you…do you know what you have just done? Not only have you added another name to your list of ex’s and people who have a piece of your heart, but you have just been involved with someone else’s husband. Yeh that’s right you heard me. If God’s plan is for you BOTH to get married, to other people, then he is not your husband, but someone else’s. So please, for the sake of you fellow brothers and sisters, don’t enter into a relationship lightly and please please seek God’s guidance first. Girls, put yourself in this Jeans shoes:

You meet a great guy and think he could be the one. So you automatically ask him (Bob) out. Before you realize it, things move a little fast for both of you, and things don’t seem to be going so well anymore. Why you ask yourself? I don’t understand, you said to him repeatedly. Things come to a sudden end, and your friendship with Bob is over. Your heart breaks. Five years later, Jean meets Bob at a Christian event. They start to get to know each other as siblings in Christ. A year later, God reveals to Bob, that Jean is to be his bride. Jean and Bob spend a long night talking about past relationship. Jean doesn’t have much to say, as she has never dated anyone…sadly this is not the same for Bob. Bob begins to tell Jean about you…her heart breaks. She was so hurt that she had waited for him, and he had been with someone else, she didn’t understand why this could happen. Bob cries as he seeks Jean’s forgiveness…this feels like the longest night for Bob.

Think about it

peace

girl in the single lane

Do actions speak louder than words?

2006-11-03T22:10:00.000+02:00

hey all

What do you do when the person you think you like, won’t give you the time of day? In fact, every time you see him, your eyes seem to meet across the room. As the night move on, if appears that your eyes and his, are glued to each others. You don’t talk to him because, every time you’re around him, butterflies in their millions make you so nervous, that when you open your mouth, nothing comes out.

You think he doesn’t like you, so what can you do? He chooses not to talk to you, when all you want to do is say hello. Do you back off? Lets just say that you do. You back off, you stop texting and emailing him, and you avoid going to places you know he’ll be. Things are going great, you’ve hardly thought about him…but wait. You turn up to an event, forgetting all about him. You walk into the overly crowded room, and you glanced the room for a familiar face. He is the first person you set eyes on.

Yikes! “He probably won’t even remember who I am” you say to yourself. He does. History repeats itself, as your eyes become fixed to each others again, another long night, and not one word exchanged. Because you know that he is there, you’re constantly looking for him, to find out where he’s at…so that you can casually bump into him. Is he doing the same? As he wanders around you, talking to various people, but doesn’t come over to talk to you. Does he like you?

Unrealistic? Some would say yeh, like it was something from a cheesy chick flick, but actually, this happened to me. Did he like me? I don’t know, I don’t think I ever will, but I will leave that up to y’all. Words, clearly say no, obviously, like “hello how stupid can you get?” and I would say his actions back that up. Although many would disagree, what do you think? Do actions speak louder than words? I know a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a constant stare worth?

Let me know what you al think, so I’m totally lost here.

peace

girl in the single lane

I love being single

2006-10-30T15:06:00.000+02:00

Hey all you bloggers out there!

How are you all doing? As I grow closer to reaching the end of the book I’m currently reading, more and more comes to light. For the first time in, what seems like ages, I am actually really happy being single.

I have only ever let four guys into my heart, and every single one of them hurt…and for me, the last one hurt more than the first one. Does that seem right? Most people think when you get hurt for the first time, you never forget that pain, but in all honestly, I disagree. I have forgotten that pain and still remember the pain John left me feeling. I think it leaves me feeling annoyed too, that I could allow myself to make the same mistake twice, you know?

So, only four eh? Still more than one though isn’t it? Out of these four, how many of them still own a piece of my heart? Actually, only one, and that would be David. Why is this, I hear you asking? I think for two reasons, this is the case. He and I were close to engagement, so obviously we both put ourselves really out there. We poured our heart and souls into this relationship and for what? That was one expensive lesson. I do not have feelings for this guy anymore, but I do still care about him and pray about him. However, I have not spoken to him in almost a year and nine months, to the day (the 7th of Nov). Why you may ask? Ask away people, ask away.

However, with these other three guys, we have been able to seek forgiveness from each other and build a long lasting friendship. We have been able to overcome any barriers that could hinder a godly relationship with each other and can now call on each out for advice and support. I value all of them and their friendships. It amazes me, that after al the pain and agony I caused them, they can forgive me and still maintain a friendship with me. What a witness is that?

I’ve learned to realise that singleness is not about waiting for marriage, it’s about growing more in love with the Lord. When you grow in God, you become more like Him right? And if you think about the characteristics that you look for in you husband or wife…do they sound familiar? They should. You probably want someone who is caring, tender, sensitive, loving and who thinks you are special, am I right? Who do you know who is all of these and so much more? Yeah, you got it, He is our Father in Heaven. How amazing is that?

So, grow in God and ask Him to help you do this, and let me tell you, He will answer you. Not only that, you will love Him so much more and will not be able to stop smiling all day. When you grow more Christ-like, remember this is God preparing you for marriage. You’re looking for Prince charming, but remember Prince charming is looking for his princess too.

peace

girl in the single

make each piece count!

2006-10-27T15:47:00.000+03:00

Hey all!

How is everybody doing? I’d like to welcome my good friend David to blogspot!!! Welcome dude…!!

I am at the end of a great book, and it has taught me a lot. I highly recommend it to anybody who is interested. It’s called “When God writes your love story” by Eric and Leslie Ludy. They describe their own story in a very personal way. each write separate chapters talking about their own struggles with singleness and waiting.

This is what I have learned, each piece of your heart, is so precious and valuable. I have said before, that every time you like someone, and open up to them, become emotional attached to them….you give them a piece of your heart. Do you get that back? Well, that’s up to you. I used to think you couldn’t ever, but my opinion has changed. This week I saw Mr Popular from my high school days, and when I saw the smile on his face as he saw me…I knew then, we are still good friends and the past will not change that. That piece of my heart that I gave to him, I got back when he smiled at me on the train.

You can do that too. Most girls have this fairy tale fantasy of being able to fall in love and give their whole heart to prince charming…and that’s a beautiful dream. Can you do that though, if you keep giving pieces of you heart away to little no-bodies? I don’t think so. It has taken me a good few years to get that part back, and now that I have it back…. I realise it’s true value!

Waiting can be hard, I know, but ask God to help you focus on Him during this lonely time of singleness. And He will, trust me! If you feel that you can, try and give your whole heart to God. That means getting back what you have given out. How do you get it back? It’s all in forgiveness… and it has to be two way, but it can happen, through God’s amazing grace!

peace

girl in the single lane

Married women vs Single women?

2006-10-13T22:54:00.000+03:00

Ever feel like you don’t belong in a conversation? This is not a war between married women and single women…although it may seem that way. What am I talking about? Let me fill you in. Sometimes, I’m sure most single people have experienced this, you can be out amongst friends when those who are married lead the conversation. In doing this, they talk about married life and how exciting and fun it can be. This can do two things: it can make you think about what you have to look forward to, or it can make you feel isolated.

This happened to me recently, which is why I’m writing this. I don’t think married people deliberately push the conversation into marriage talk, which in turn, pushes single people out. As least I hope they don’t. In fact, I think it’s important that married women share stories with each other, as shared advice can educate a newly wed. Single women should share stories too for reassurance that they are all in the same boat seeking the same thing: God’s perfect husband for us.

Can married women and single women talk together? Well…I don’t know the answer to that question, because in my experience, married people tend to lead the discussions or couple activities. By this I mean activities where married women team up with their husbands, and the single women, are paired off with anyone else. When there is a group of married women, and you’re the only single women, my advice…leave the room! You will only feel really small and excluded from the conversation, and no-body should be made to feel this way.

I don’t know all the answers, but this I do know. Single women struggle, particularly as they get older, with the concept of singleness and begin to doubt if they will ever get married. People talking about the joys of married life around them, does not make this nay easier at all. Married people, consider the feelings of those single around you.

peace

girl in the single lane

when there was me and you

2006-10-08T20:18:00.000+03:00

hey all!
It's me again, just checking in! I recently watched High School Musical, which is a great film by the way and I highly recommend it. There was this (see below for the lyric) and as I heard the words, it made me think about John (I think that's what I called him on this) and how stupid I was. But know, I've seen the light!

It's funny when you find yourself
Looking from the outside
I'm standing here but all I want
Is to be over there

Why did I let myself believe
Miracles could happen
Cause now I have to pretend
That I don't really care

I thought you were my fairytale
My dream when I'm not sleeping
A wish upon a star
That's coming true
But everybody else could tell
That I confused my feelings
With the truth
When there was me and you

I swore I knew the melody
That I heard you singing
And when you smiled
You made me feel
Like I could sing along

But then you went and changed the words
Now my heart is empty
I'm only left with used-to-be's
And once upon a song

Now I know you're not a fairytale
And dreams were meant for sleeping
And wishes on a star
Just don't come true

Cause now even I can tell
That I confused my feelings
With the truth
Because I liked the view
When there was me and you

I can't believe that
I could be so blind
It's like you were floating
While I was falling and I didn't mind
Because I liked the view Ooooh hoo hoo........
I thought you felt it too
When there was me and you

When you meet your husband, when God shows you him...it will be like a fairytale, like a wish upon a star really has come true. He will bless you so much with the perfect love story, if you give Him the pen!!!

peace

girl in the single lane

Who is writing your love story?

2006-10-05T00:42:00.000+03:00

hey y’all (teeheehee)

I am currently reading “When God writes your love story” by the Ludy’s and what an amazing book. It’s a real wake-up call. As I read their stories about their past relationships that they regret, I am reminded of my own. Their book has got me thinking a lot about who is actually in charge of my love life. Am I writing what I want to happen?

Well, I think I have been and things need to change. God is the author of life, why would I think He could not write my fairytale love story? I look at my mistakes and I blame myself. I never blame God for allowing me to make my own mistakes, He gave me my free will to make these mistakes. And thankfully, I’ve learned from them. When I met someone I liked, I think I tried to fit God into the love story I wanted without a second though as to what He wanted for my life. How selfish is that? I mean come on, His plan is perfect. Who would not want that?

People think that love stories were designed my Hollywood and are there to make up hope and dream of something we think we will never achieve. Well folks, I’m afraid to break it to you, Hollywood did not invent romantic love stories, the creator of the universe did. He created us with the desire to have a perfect fairytale love story. Not only that, He created a love story for us all, unique to you and to me. But you have to be willing to give Him the pen, let Him write your love story.

Give it all to Him. This is not necessarily the easiest thing to do, but I believe (from reading through many people’s stories about how God wrote their love story) that is will be worth it. However, with that in mind, please don’t think that if you give God the pen to your love story, that He will bring your husband/wife into your life as soon as you say Amen. God’s timing is perfect, and if you are truly willing to let Him write your love story, appreciate that it may take time. God has to make you ready to meet your husband of wife, so be patient. It’ll be worth the wait.

peace

girl in the single lane

I am waiting for you!

2006-09-29T10:47:00.000+03:00

Hey bloggers!

A good friend once said, God will reveal to us, who we will marry in His own timing. This is very true. Sometimes we think if we choose our own “husband” that God will change His plan to suit us. Come one…how crazy is that, He is our creator and the giver of life, don’t you think His plan is perfect?

Ok, so if you agree with this, now what? Well, it certainly doesn’t mean that you go looking for you husband. You don’t ask God “Is he my husband?” every time you meet another Christian brother. But instead, look to your Christian brothers as actual brothers. After all, they are your brothers, and if you see them as such, then you take away one important factor which can only cause confusion of ungodly. What am I talking about? Feelings!! Lust of the flesh! If look at a Christian brother, and begin to wonder if he is your husband, then you can begin to develop feelings for this person. If he is not your husband, then it’s lust of the flesh!

Whereas, if you look to your Christian brother as a brother, you will see them in a different light. You can have a completely different friendship with them. A friendship that will not be tainted with lust of the flesh. (well, there’s a higher chance that this won’t happen, if you guys see each other as brother and sister instead of husband and wife) trust me, I know. I have male friends who I have always viewed as my brother in the Lord, and I have those who I thought I could have married. My relationship with my brothers, is so much more rewarding, than that of those others.

So, when you meet a Christian brother, look to him as a brother, and befriend him like you would a brother. Value this friendship and you never know what will happen. People, we are not running out of time, God’s time is different yet perfect for us all!!

peace

girl in the single lane

How will you know?

2006-09-26T13:00:00.000+03:00

Hey all my readers out there

Life in the single lane, is not life in the “looking” lane. Being single is a gift, and I think it’s about time more and more people realised it. When you’re single and waiting for your husband or wife, it is not the time to date lots of people in the “search” for your life partner. My dad once said “if you have a table reserved, don’t look anywhere else”. This means, if you have reserved yourself for your husband or wife, don’t look anywhere else, don’t look for someone else either.

Ok, then this questions comes up…how do you know when you have met your husband/ wife? Honestly, I don’t know…I don’t pretend to know all the answers, I really don’t…I’m still learning. I’m reading this amazing book right now, where the writer, writes about the first time she met her husband. Did she know at first sight? Actually, she was in a relationship with someone else. When you meet your husband / wife, is it love at first sight? Some people marry their best friends, and that I think, is so sweet. Your husband/wife should be your best friend, alongside Jesus.

Have I met my husband? I really don’t know…and I don’t even know who I will know when I do. Will he glow? Will he look at me with a special look in his eye? Will he be the boy next door who I’ve known my whole life? Or will he be the guy who makes me feel special the first time we meet, just by how he treats me? Or will, the first time we meet, be a time where we constantly exchange glances at each other before we actually talk to each other? Any suggestions, please comment and let me know. I’m always interested in what my readers think.

peace

girl in the single lane

Boxing up the past!

2006-09-20T21:23:00.000+03:00

hey bloggers!

I spent 8 hours today, cleaning out my bedroom. I know 8 hours is a long time right? Well, I stumbled across a few unexpected items which opened the flood gate to old memories. I have been hurt so many times by guys, as you know, but I have to say, only two, have cut me deep. These are the two people, who a spent a lot of today thinking about. As I case across old letters, pictures and stuffed teddies from these two guys, I was tearful. I thought with David (his name for the purpose of this blog only) I have boxed up everything he ever gave me, I mean it was so long ago. I have to say, I didn’t find much, but what I did find, took me back. Took me back, thinking about the relationship that we shared, the fact that we were almost engaged, how close I was to his sister and cousin…and I look to my life right now. None of them are in my life anymore.

With this other person who hurt be recently…we should name him…how about John? That’ll work. As the betrayal was so recent, I didn’t yet, have the chance to collect everything he ever bought me, and store it away in a box. With all his stuff, I boxed everything that would make me think of him. This included everything I received at a camp I once attended, birthday cards from people at camp…and lastly, the card his mother wrote for me.

I have found myself in a habit now, of boxing up things from my past, from guys, to holidays, churches and of course, high school. I have so many boxes just full of memories, some great, some good and some not so good. But you cannot change the past, or ever think about denying its existence. The past makes you who you are today. Your values stem from your mistakes, your personality develops as you mature, you happiest memories, encourage you when you’re down. I would not be the person I am, without all of these people I have just mentioned. David thought me a lot about myself, John…I learned a lot from him too, and because of him, my guard is back up. Camp…well I learned a lot there too, I enjoyed my time there don’t get me wrong, but sometimes a difference of opinion can end friendships. Note to self…never let that happen again. Every church I’ve been too teaches my something different about God’s amazing personality, and my high school showed me what a great God I have with the friends He blessed me with.

You can box up your past literally like I do, or just box off that part of your heart and mind…especially if there’s pain involved. Put your pain in a box, and forget about it…sometimes it’s good to keep the box though. This way, you can open it years down the line, and look at what you over came.

peace

girl in the single lane

Is there a man for every woman?

2006-09-17T00:58:00.000+03:00

Hey folks!
This blog is in direct response to a few anonymous comments left on my previous entry. And to answer that question in the title: no!! Not every man and woman in the world will marry, but that doesn’t make them any less of a man or a woman. In fact people who don’t marry often have more time to dedicate to the Lord than those who are married. People who are married are obligated to spend time with their spouse obviously. On the other hand though, some people have no desire to get married and spend their life with just one other person.

Will I ever marry? I believe my God is a just God, a kind God and a caring God. Therefore I conclude that my God would not tease me by giving my heart an overwhelming desire to get married, if it was not in His will. He would not give me overwhelming desires that He will not fulfil. God will fulfil ALL the desires of your heart, the bible says. So, I believe that one, I will have the wedding I have always dreamed of. A wedding where God smiles down on myself and my husband to be, watching as we promise to have a God-centred marriage. The bible talks about how two people are better than one, I really believe that relates to marriage too.

Marrige is a beautiful thing, but so is singleness. Single and waiting, is what I am, but I do not spend all my time just waiting around. I get on with life, do what needs to be done and continue to serve my Lord in any way I can. I have not put my life on hold to wait for my husband, nor do I advise that anybody does. That's just a waste of precious time!

peace

girl in the single lane

wedding fever

2006-09-14T13:29:00.000+03:00

Hey bloggers!!
Everywhere I turn people are getting together, getting engaged and getting married. In my morning church alone, there have been two weddings in the space of one month. And here I am, still single. I don’t even have a love interest, just plodding along in the single lane. It aint always easy.

I think when you have liked someone for so long, and you find out they have met someone else, it almost makes it easier to get over that person, because that way, all false hope of a future, are taken away immediately. It may sting a little when it happens, but in the long run, its best for everybody. Where am I? Well, I’m happy to say that I am over that guy who hurt me recently, in fact, I don’t hold any negative feeling toward him…can we still be friends? Time will tell. Do I have feelings for anybody right now? No…and it feels kinda good sometimes and kinda lonely sometimes, but in the end, it’s the will of God. Who am I to challenge that?

I dream of getting married one day…I’m reading this book right now: “And The Bride Wore White” which begins with the author describing the first time she met her husband and she describes the look in his eyes as she walks down the isle. When reading it, butterflies in their millions erupted in my stomach. I can only imagine what my wedding day will be like. I know it will not be for a wee while, but I’m female this is what we dream about all the time!

Peace

girl in the single lane

Listen to your head vs follow your heart

2006-08-31T15:37:00.000+03:00

Hey bloggers!!

Listening to your head can be a drag sometimes. You could really want something in your heart, but when all things considered, what you want, is not what God wants for you. Every bone in your body could be telling you yes yes yes…but, you cant bring yourself to say yes…why? Ever felt like that? I have, a few years ago back in the days of high school. I met this guy…I have spoke about him before, so look back and check out my other blogs. In brief I like him and he liked me…but nothing happened because I could not bring myself to say yes. And why? As much as I liked him, when I really thought about it, I couldn’t see a long term future for us.

At the time, I thought it was the worst thing I could do. I lost a great guy, although we remain friends…it still wasn’t the same. I look back now, and wow!! That was a lucky escape. He is happily dating someone else and they are great together, and me…I’m still living in the single lane wait for our great God to lead me.

Following your heart. My ex…man…that hurt. I followed my heart for a long time there, but when I got to know him better, things changed. What my heart wanted wasn’t enough. My heart would let him get away with hurting me all the time, and head got angry. My head hated my heart for brushing everything under the carpet, until one day…everything exploded. My head was right all along, but I was blinded by the want of my heart. I look back and thank those around me who helped me put things in to perspective…although at the time, I perhaps did not show my gratitude toward them. People always say…”you dumped him so why are you hurt?” I’ve had this for years, but still, that day broke my heart. I hurt him and couldn’t forgive myself for the pain I had caused. To my surprise he forgave me…I was then able to move on, and seek God’s forgiveness for the pain I had caused His son.

You tell me…which way is best?

peace

girl in the single lane

Is it better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all?

2006-08-28T01:54:00.000+03:00

hey all you bloggers out there!!

Is it better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all?

Good question right? Lets weigh up both sides of the argument. What is love? To love someone is to be there for them, care for them, have someone to hold, support and shower with kisses and hugs. Someone who you can turn to always, who will never judge you, who will tell you when you’re wrong and will comfort you when you fail. Someone who will encourage you when others bring you down, someone who will always have your back.

I think anyway…and so the list continues. Someone who has never loved will never know what they’ve lost now will they? So they will relieve themselves of any pain that love can cause.

The pain of loving and losing. Words cannot describe, the stings will cling to your heart for a long time. It truly does pierce the heart. You feel like you are drowning in your tears, and your thoughts are flying all over the place. You feel like you’re being suffocated by your emotions, like what is there to live for? Are all men (or women) going to treat me this way?

peace

girl in the single lane

Ever wanted something you can’t have?

2006-08-24T16:11:00.000+03:00

Hey all you bloggers out there.

If you have ever wanted something you can’t have, you how what I’m talking about. I’m sure at some point in our lives, we all experience this, whether it be wanting a game or a holiday or even a person…the feeling is still the same.

Here’s my story.

About a year ago I met this guy. He was everything I wanted in a husband and so much more. He was living my childhood dream of travelling to a certain country and the going to bible college. People always say, if you want to know how a guy will treat his wife, look at how he treats his mother. He treated his mother like she was royalty. He showered her with love. He was tall dark and handsome (emphasis on the tall) and was an inspiration to others. His future is set and he knows what he wants in life which is a big plus.

Anyway…I kept from him, how I felt about him until he told me about this girl he liked. He praised her in every way possible, her beauty, her character and her walk with God. He spoke about how she possessed all the qualities he looked for in a wife, and so much more. Shocked was I to discover he was talking about me. Great, I thought. I found someone who I can trust, turn to, and tell all of my darkest secrets to knowing he will never judge me. I found a great friend. Its funny how quickly we make friends and how quickly we lose them.

Who am I speaking about? That guy who I’ve written about for my last few entries. I thought we had a future together and really did. He has hurt me so much and I can’t help but think…would the one for me, ever hurt me like that? Answer: I don’t know. But here is what I do know. Wanting what you can’t have, is not a good thing, especially if it is a person. Trust me, I know. Because when you don’t get it, after you’ve been lead to believe otherwise, it stings. It hurts so much, because you feel like you lost something you never really had. You feel lonely (if it is a person) empty and upset and in some cases, you feel cheated.

It’s not a nice feeling I know, but with time, you’ll get over it. Don’t try and rush this though, I did and it backfired in my face. How does my fairytale end? Like this…the guy who I thought was prince charming, (I believe) is seeing someone else. All I can say to that is, I hope he’s happy with her. Happiness he deserves and I truly hope he’s found the one he is looking for.

peace

girl in the single lane

Saying goodbye

2006-08-19T19:34:00.000+03:00

hey all you bloggers out there!

Ever hurt yourself saying goodbye to someone?

Saying goodbye ain’t always easy…in fact, it can be one of the hardest things to do. I have recently said goodbye to two dear friends of mine, both of whom, I don’t know when I’ll next see. Bummer right? I’m not the best at leaving something behind, and saying goodbye to someone I don’t know that I’ll ever see again. I am no expert. But here are a few pointers.

1. Always plan a goodbye, especially if you know a few days in advance. Prepare yourself, because (if it involves a girl) there could be high emotions.
2. Try not leave anyone out. It’s important if you leaving for a time, to say goodbye to everyone, because you don’t know when/if you will see that person again.
3. DON’T make plans to say goodbye then cancel…that happens too often to me and it makes you feel horrible.

I made my friend a scrap book before she left. I miss her. She’s only been gone a few days. I never got to say bye to her the first time she left…she cancelled on me for her boyfriend. Great eh? But spending time with her this past week, had made me miss her all over again…and the scrap book reminded me of all the fun times we had together. I guess you don’t really know what you’ve got till it’s gone.

Life is funny that way. you walk in and out of peoples lives and take so many things for granted. But when you lose someone, or things change for one reason or another, you begin to see what people around you really do for you. Whether that be, you miss them dropping you off at work, or making your dinner for you….or doing the more important things like…being a support for you when things fall, or being there to encourage you when you need it. These are the things you miss most.
Often you don’t realise it until it’s too late. So people…take a good look at your friends and family and see what they do for you. Begin to appreciate them now and don’t forget to tell them how much they mean to you. Tell them you love them all the time…because you never know when you’ll not be able to say that to them again

peace

girl in the single lane

Feeling numb and not knowing what to do about it

2006-08-10T16:06:00.000+03:00

Hey all!!

This has been the strangest few days for me. I had a reunion with an old friend, kinda…I barely got to speak to her. I’ve missed her so much. I handed in film last week, and we got our photos back. Only to discover a photo of my ex amongst them. I couldn’t believe it. Numb!! I do wonder what he is doing with himself these days…if he’s still walking with the Lord and things…but I will never find out. I found some old notes he wrote me too…I thought I had burned them all…I guess not.

I ran into my old high school bully today too. That was so weird. She was so horrible to me, she picked on me everyday until her mother died. She used to sing horrible songs about me, call me a liar all the time, write all over my school stuff and then copy my answers in class. She wasn’t nice to me at all. It was so weird to see her again. Only this time, she has nothing over me.

I guess something else that is still bothering me would be that guy who hurt me recently. It still stings. I haven’t heard from him in a wee while, and I don’t know…I guess I just want to talk to him…but the ball is in his court. I can’t do anything else, I’ve done enough. I just hope he can fit me in before he leaves again…this time its for two years. I wish him all the best don’t get me wrong…him leaving will actually help me get over him.

My dearest Nicole!! She is leaving too, for three years. I miss her already, I really do. I’ve been trying to meet with her since November, and nothing has ever come from that. I’ve tried so hard to keep this friendship alive…now I’m just exhausted. So how am I? I am exhausted, hurt, lonely and want a good cry. I know my God is with me everywhere I go, I just wish sometimes, my friends were there too. I had a bible study the other night, and most of my friends, turned their back on me. What can you do?

peace out

girl in the single lane

I hate you but I love you...

2006-08-03T00:40:00.000+03:00

hey all you bloggers out there!!

You’ve hurt me so many times, and I barely know you. I met you one year ago, and what a year that has been. I had already been let down in a huge way before meeting you, but I was blinded by your beauty. I let you in, and you destroyed me…every time you hurt me, you leave your mark. The wounds heal and I move on…I’m stronger than that…but this time…I can hardly breathe. People ask what’s wrong…and I choke when I try and tell them. I feeling like I’m drowning, help help!!! Anyone!! Is there anyone out there who can take away this agony?

Why did you do this to me? Did I hurt you that badly that you would do something so terrible to me? I guess it’s my own fault thought right? I was warned against you, and I still let you in…I let you in to my unguarded heart, and you pierced it…you cut it deep. Now what? What can I do now? I hate you but I love you…I can’t stop thinking of you.

i don’t even know how I feel anymore…I’m kinda at that numb stage. I’m past anger, but I’m still hurting. I’m at that stage where I cry myself to sleep at night, hugging my pillow, just to release some of the pain. I can’t let it out during the day, because it affects too many other people, and it’s not fair. I can’t let my pain affect those around me…it’s my pain, let me deal with it.

peace

girl in the single lane

I never thought it would be me living in a shattered dream

2006-07-26T01:59:00.000+03:00

hey people!!

I never thought it would be me, living in a shattered dream...how could you do this to me? Did you have fun leading me on and watching my fall in love with you? I hope you're happy. You led me on and shot me down, when it suited you. You asked why I was so guarded...maybe now you'll know why. I let you in and you hurt me, but the wounds healed. I foolishly let you in again...and you cut me deep. When you were confused about your feelings, why did you lie to me? Was it a cheap thrill? Well...it wasn't funny that's for sure. I thought you were the one...I thought we'd grow old together...you're the only person I have ever felt this way about...and now...you have completely crushed my heart.

I have waited months to talk to you, but that is not enough...longer you say. How much more do you think my heart can take? I feel so hurt, but even more so...I'm really disappointed in you. I thought you were different from the rest...special, unique...I would have done anything you asked me to do, if it pleased you. You were my knight in shinning armour, you were my soulmate, you were my best friend, the one person I could never hate.

You keep cutting me deep though...what have I done wrong? What did I do to deserve this pain and agony that you have caused me?

I still love you, but I don't know why. I don't know what I can do now.

peace

girl in the single lane

drowning in your own insecurities

2006-07-02T23:22:00.000+03:00

hey all you bloggers out there!

We live in a world, where what one person says, goes, especially regarding what is "in" and what isn't. We all have our own insecurities, from our figures, to our ability to do something, the way we look and dress...everything about our lives. We all have our weaknesses too! Sometimes, I feel like I'm not good enough for people, my Father, my family, and prince...and then I remember, none of us are perfect. It is ok for me to have my flaws, I'm only human afterall. And my insecurities, are things I can work on to change.

I think we need to realise though, somethings, we cannot change. The way we feel about ourselves, our bodies, our ability to do things...these things we can change. For the simple reason...these problems belong to us. They are problems we have about ourselves and you will probably have people trying to encourage you saying you are beautiful and great at doing certain things. Not being good enough for your prince? Now that's a tricky one. Not knowing who your prince is, doesn't always help, but remember...he has flaws too. Recently, I've been thinking about my prince, and it is exciting not knowing who he is and I don't worry about not knowing, because my God knows.

Take a good look at yourselves people and remember...you are fearfully and wonderfully made by the true Father of the only perfect being to walk the earth. Be encouraged by that. He loves you no matter what you look like or what you achieve in life and so will your true prince.

anyway...I'll be taking some time out folks, I'm going on holiday for two weeks on Friday (the 7th) and I can't wait!! But when I return, I'm sure I'll have lots to share with you all!

peace

girl in the single lane

Taking off the mask!

2006-06-28T12:12:00.000+03:00

Hey all!!

Taking off the mask!!

I recently watched a film, “Super Christian” which is actually really funny, although it is a little out of date. (was made before I was born) but the principle still applies. Some people can put on a mask, adopt this persona of pretending to be someone they’re not. This film showed the example of a Sunday morning only Christian. Someone who, on Sundays over compensates for the week they have just had, by trying to be the best they can be. Do everything you’re supposed to do while people are watching you. But you make sure people see what you are doing too, so that they see this imagine that you pretend to be. You do all this on a Sunday, and give God the week off.

Newsflash people…there will always be one person who can see through that image. God will…and He will send someone else who can see right through you too. Someone who perhaps has been there and done that and can recognise the signs. Listen to them, they have been there and done that and will therefore know how to overcome it. You can learn from them what to do to really take off your mask and start being yourself. Someone who doesn’t have to pretend to be someone they’re not, but can be exactly who they truly want to be. Be yourself people. If you are struggling to live a life for God, then seek help in someone who completely trust. It will help you.

Be yourself people, and don’t be afraid to show who you really are. If people are really your friends, they will accept you as you….and no one else.

peace

girl in the single lane

Waiting for the wrong guy!

2006-06-22T21:39:00.000+03:00

Hey all you bloggers out there!

Girl in the single lane checking in…been a few days I know…but I’ve had so much on. This is one thing that’s been highlighted to me over the past few days…through the works of my sister. Clinging onto something that might never happen, is so damaging. Waiting is a good thing people, really it is, but when you are waiting for the wrong guy, you can be totally blind to the guy God is showing you. You can be totally consumed by this one guy, that you are blind to the man God is showing you, is the man for you.

My older sister…bless her, is still recovering from a hurtful break up, which happened a few months ago. I think part of her still thinks he could change, and that they could have a future together…That may be so, but she has got to bury him. Leave your past behind you and move on. If something happens in the future, let it be in God’s time. Waiting for something, that doesn’t happen, fills you up with so much false hope and what a disappointment when it doesn’t happen. We waste so much time thinking, “he could change” when God is clearly saying “He’s not for you”.

Learning to read the signs aint always easy. Sometimes we see what’s right in front of us, but don’t act on it, because we are either scared of what might happen, or we know what will happen and don’t want that to happen. Sometimes we enjoy living the way we do, and know deep down, this is not God’s plan. For example…God could tell you to get out of a relationship, you may not want to, but you know God wants you out. What do you do? LEAVE!!! Trust me! It’s the best thing you could do. I know in the back of your mind, you’ll be thinking, “I don’t want to hurt anyone”, I’ve been there, but God has bigger plans for you.

Bury your past, and move on. Don’t cling to something that may never happen, because you are setting yourself up to be hurt again. Let it go!

peace

girl in the single lane

falling in love with your best friend

2006-06-16T22:51:00.000+03:00

hey all you bloogers!!
how are we all this fine day? I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about my prince charming. I was reminded about the book of Songs of Solomon, and read it this week...what a book.

It was brought to my attention, through watching films and stuff...that you and your prince charming should be really good friends before anything develops. It is so important that you can be friends. perhaps for longer than you wanted to...but being friends is important. It allows you to see them differently, see a different side to them..which is a good thing. A friendship is a strong bond that will struggle to be broken, and makes for a promising future. I got this little story in an email today, and thought it was sweet.

Girl: I'm always here for you
Boy: I know
Girl: What's wrong?
Boy: I like her so much
Girl: Talk to her
Boy: I don't know. She won't ever like me
Girl: Don't say that. You're amazing.
Boy: I just want her to know how I feel.
Girl: Then tell her.
Boy: She won't like me
Girl: How do you know that?
Boy: I can just tell
Girl: Well just tell her.
Boy: What should I say
Girl: Tell her how much you like her
Boy: I tell her that daily
Girl: what do you mean?
Boy: I'm always with her. I love her.
Girl: I know how you feel. I have the same problem. But he'll never like me
Boy: Wait. Who do you like?
Girl: Oh some boy
Boy: Oh... she won't like me either.
Girl: She does
Boy: How do you know..
Girl: Because, who wouldn't like you?
Boy: You
Girl: You're wrong, I love you.
Boy: I love you too.
Girl: So are you going to talk to her?
Boy: I just did.

Aww...aint that cute!? It would be nice if this was reality, but the truth is...I don't know what will happen when my prince finds me. But I do know that it will be magical...it will give me thousands of butterflies...and will be a day I never forget....

What do you think?

peace

girl in the single lane

Father’s Day

2006-06-15T15:19:00.000+03:00

hey all you bloggers out there!

A speical entry for Father's Day which is coming up..this Sunday I think.

Father I need you. You have been my comfort and support over the years. You have corrected me when I’ve been wrong (and I know that isn’t always easy). You have always had my back daddy. You know when to be my knight in shinning armour and when to stand back and let me fight my own battles. You know when I’m happy and you know when I’m sad. Nothing gets past you daddy. You know when I’m hurting and you feel my pain. When people hurt me, it hurts you too daddy…but you put your pain aside to comfort me daddy.

You always want the best for me daddy, and you’ve never let me down. When other people knock my confidence daddy, you are there to build me up. If I’m in a place that causes me pain, you rush to take me out, sheltering me from any more pain. The love you have shown me daddy, is the love I want to show to my own family some day. Help me do that daddy. I look at the love you give mummy, and it makes me happy.

I talk here about my earthly father, but also my Heavenly Father. He has given me life, a family, friends…everything that I have…it came from Him. I don’t deserve the love you give me Father, nor do I deserve you forgiveness…yet to still offer it so freely. Your love for my is unconditional, even though I have caused you so much pain. My sin nailed Your Son to a cross, and You still forgive me? I cannot fathom Your love and Your greatness.

Thank you Father for all that You have done for me.

peace

girl in the single lane

does God hate man?

2006-06-14T21:59:00.000+03:00

Hey all you bloggers out there!

Girl in the single lane checking in! At my bible study last night, a very interesting discussion was created through one verse. “Jacob I have loved, Esau I have hated”.

Can our all powerful, all wonderful God hate someone? Why would He create someone He was going to hate? God knows our future, He is the beginning and the end. But He has also given us freewill. He knows who will reject Him, and I can’t begin to imagine that kind of pain. So, does He hate those who hate Him and reject Him? I don’t think so. After the study, I can to the conclusion that God does not hate man, but the actions of man. He sent His Son to save sinners. Why would He do that, if He hated sinners?

Our God is a loving God, but He is also a God of wrath, which sometimes I think we forget. Sometimes as well, it is so to dislike a person…but I can’t honestly say that there is one person I truly hate. I dislike some people and the behaviour of others…but to hate someone? That’s a bit harsh. Love your enemies!! How easy is that? Answer…not very. Life is full of struggles, that’s what keeps it challenging. Can you imagine how boring life would be if everything was simple and there were no challenges? If everybody did the same thing day after day…what a boring life that would be.

I like a challenge, and I’m not afraid of a challenge. I’ll take on anything even if I know I’m going to fail…at least I can say I tried.

Any comments of opinions...please add.

peace

girl in the single lane

when the past comes back to haunt you

2006-06-11T23:19:00.000+03:00

Hey all you bloggers out there!!

When the past comes back to haunt you…I think sometimes, we don’t let go of the harsh things that have happened to us in the past. You think…why? Why me? Why would you allow this to happen to me? I don’t get it. Ever felt like that? The past is just that, the past…but without the past, we would fail to exist as we are today.

We all make silly mistakes in the past, of course we do…we are only human after all. You think you finally let out of that hurtful thing that he did, you get on with your life…and then everything explodes. You realise that you didn’t completely deal with it and it blows up in your face. I let you in, I trusted you, why would you hurt me like that? Why am I the one being punished here and you’re getting off free? You may think like this, trust me you will probably think this…but his punishment will come. It will hit him so hard, he will not know what hit him.

Many things happen that we do not comprehend, and too often try to deal with things on our own. Our strength aint enough to carry the burdens that we try to carry. Even worse…we foolishly try to get revenge ourselves too. This is probably the worst thing you could do. It may make you feel better, but only temporarily, that will quickly fade. God will give the fitting punishment. Leave it to Him…after all, He is only the beginning and the end!!

Try not take things into your own hands….your owns hands are only human and you are doomed to make mistakes. Give it up to the higher power. Forgive and forget, but your past behind you and move on.

peace

girl in the single lane

not knowing is frustrating…but when you know…you know!

2006-06-09T21:57:00.000+03:00

Hey all you bloggers out there

Many people have asked me a thousand times, why I want to be a social worker. Most people think social workers do nothing but remove children from their homes…well I’m afraid you are far from right. The area of social work I want to work in, is something that I have been thinking about a lot lately. I had a few ideas of what kinda line of work I would want to do, and just prayed for guidance. Well, I considered picking up two psychology modules during the summer and trying for a double honours and go into self-harm…but that door stayed firmly closed.

It has been a lifelong ambition of mine to learn sign language, and yeh…I know the basics and a couple of church songs (as you do). How amazing is God? I prayed for a sign and I got like three. Did any of you all know that it was national deaf week just a few weeks ago? No…me neither. But it was…and just the other day at work…man!! I have never seen it so busy yet so peaceful at the same time. A mini bus full of deaf children filled McDonalds….it was amazing to see the children have so much fun silently. How amazing are children like that? I really want to go into that line of work when I graduate, after having to go to college though and learn properly.

Not knowing…can be a killer. Not knowing what lies ahead or who your prince charming will be. My boss’s dog ran away last night…the not knowing if he was ok or where he was…was worse then the fact that he ran away. Stick it out though people, you will know when the time is right for you to know. Not a minute sooner, not a minute later…God’s timing is perfect.

peace

girl in the single lane

you coward

2006-06-08T11:54:00.000+03:00

Hey all you bloggers out there…

This is going come in two parts…but things I really want to talk about, but they mood create very different moods and I don’t want one to appear like an after thought. So first things first…you coward. As this is the title, I should probably talk about that.

You are such a coward! I can’t believe your weakness. I thought you were different from the rest, but you aint. We are taught to be in the world but not off it, and you have failed. Sometimes God calls you to leave a place by taking you somewhere else, like a CU. God called me to leave this club and become an active member in my CU and I know that it is His will, because, this has been anything but easy. I have lost your friendship and my memory begins to fade. I hoped this wouldn’t be the end, but I’m afraid it has come to that. You deceived me!

I though we had worked things out, being mature Christians, and now I know the truth. If you have so many questions about what happened, why not just ask me? I know the answers! But no…you talk about me behind my back. I thought you would at least have the guts to say it to my face. I guess I was wrong. I must have misread you.

Ever felt like that? You think you know someone, and trust them and love them as a brother (sister) and then they are not who you thought they were? I feel that way right now. I feel like I totally misread people in my life, I always do. Here are a few examples from the past and the present, some I think will relate to a few people…others less likely.

1. When you like a person, it can be so easy to misread things. Sometimes you read into things too much, and not enough. Case study: see you meet someone, and you email them back and forth all the time, and say up all hours texting them…then face to face, you get nothing. Are you misreading the signs? Perhaps he was just being friendly texting you back…maybe…how do you find out?

2. You have a group of friends who you love very much. You haven’t known them too long, but you clicked almost instantly. For whatever reason, something happens which divides the group, or just excludes you from it. You keep in touch with as many people as you can, but few are interested…then you find out that some of the few you trusted…are the people who are talking about you behind your back. That hurts.

3. Misjudging people. There is a little girl at my work, who is picked on by most of the staff…and for what? None of them have even given her the time of day. I was “warned” about her before work one day…and she is one of the loveliest people in my work. My co-workers have completely misjudged her…and I think that happens too often. Some people can appear really shy face to face, does that mean that we pull away, or should we take one more step?

Just a few things that have been on my mind today.

peace

girl in the single lane

it's such a perfect day

2006-06-06T20:30:00.000+03:00

hey all!!

How are we this lovely day? What a lovely day eh? My sister and I spent the day at beautiful George Square today...it was so peaceful. It was great just to sit and admire God's beautiful creation. They beauty of the sun shinning down and beating off the grass...watching the grass glow as it does. Watching how the leaves of the tress move in the light wind...is like swan lake....so beautiful. I had the day off work today...so I was happy for the rest.

Days like these though, when you have too much time to think and day dream, can be dangerous. You can allow your mind to do overtime in drifting away. Especially when everywhere you look, you see another happy couple. You day dream of the things you don't have....ever noticed that? The things we dream about, we don't have but do want. In the dictionary next to waiting, should be a picture of me...sometimes I feel like that is all I do. Waiting around for results, for my friends to turn up, for someone to text me back (the longest wait ever) and lastly...waiting for Mr Right. Like I've said before, too many people settle for Mr Right Now instead of waiting for Mr Right. He will be worth the wait people, you have my word.

That might not mean much to some of you...well anyone who reads this who doesn't know me. How many people actually read this? Besides the few who comment, I struggle to think of many other people who actually read this. Perhaps this is a pointless exercise...well if I do stop, you all will just have to buy my book when it comes out God willing.

peace

girl in the single lane

why not?

2006-06-05T13:13:00.000+03:00

Hey all you bloggers out there, girl in the single lane checking in. lately I’ve been writing about what you do when you like someone, well lets see what Hilary Duff has to say.

You think you're going nowhere
When you're walking down the street
Acting like you just don't care
And life can be so sweet
And why you wanna be like that
Since there's nothing new
You're not fooling no one
You're not even fooling you

So walk a little slower
And open up your eyes
Sometimes it's so hard to see
The good things passing by
And there may never be a sign
No flashing neon light
I'm telling you to make your move
Or when the time is right

(So) Why not? Take a crazy chance
Why not? Do a crazy dance
If you lose the moment You might lose a lot
So why not?Why not?

You always dress in yellow
When you wanna dress in gold
Instead of listenin' to your heart
You do just what you're told
You keep waiting where you are
And what you'll never know
Let's just get into your carAnd GO baby GO

(So) Why not? Take a crazy chance
Why not? Do a crazy dance
If you lose the momentYou might lose a lot
So why not?Why not?

I can be the one for you Maybe yes maybe no
It could be the thing to doWhat I'm sayin' is
…It would take a little And it might take a lot But why not?

Mmm…well that’s interesting. She’s right, there might never be a flashing neon light, telling you to make your more or when the time is right…so why not? I could give a good few reasons why not? For a start…this guy you like may have a girl friend that you just don’t know about. Also…ask yourself who well you know this person and know that people only let you see, what they want you to see. This guy could appear perfect…he really could, trust me I’ve been there…but you have got to know what he believes. People think I’m stupid when I say that two Christians can be unevenly yoked, but I believe they can. Partly because I’ve been there, you know that (see entry: Heartbreaker got the best of me).

He’s taller than you, just the way you like it. He has brown hair that sits to perfectly all the time. His eyes sparkle every time he looks at you. His smile melts your heart and you get butterflies every time you see him. You see him and you just want to spend time with him…a little too shy though and you can’t bring yourself to say hello. He sees you from a distance and gazes softly into your eyes…he’s the one!

True love’s first kiss

There he was standing
Where we arranged to meet
Nervous yet excited
I walk watching my feet
I meet him there
And he gently takes my hand
We walk for a while,
Then we stop and we stand
When we stop
He moves to see me
Then I get butterflies
All through my body
I look into his eyes
And I can see the love
I thank the Lord my God
Who lives up above.
He moves in closer
I can smell his aftershave
The flow of love smothers me
Just like a wave
Butterflies continue
To erupt in my belly
Then at the moment
My legs turn to jelly
He places his hand
Gently on my waist
I stood there and acted
Upon my sudden haste.
He moved in closer
But nervously I pull away
“it was a small ray of light
On a dark day”
He moves in
And places his lips on mine
I can taste the love
From his lips divine
His lips on mine
With a soft gentle touch
Is something I longed
For very much.

I have to add…yes I did write this, but is it based on a true event…no!!! Don’t be daft. This is just some stupid little girl’s crazy idea of what she thinks true love’s first kiss will be like. Is she right? you tell me.

peace

girl in the single lane

breakaway

2006-06-04T18:48:00.000+03:00

Hey all you bloggers out there!!

When I don’t sign my entries, it’s because they are song words which I didn’t write, hence I’m not taking the credit for their word choice.

“I'll spread my wings and
I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes
till' I touch the sky
I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness
and into the sun
But I won't forget
all the ones that I loved
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway”

It’s time to breakaway folks. I think I’ve been sitting in one attitude for far too long now, and I have to break away. My God doesn’t make junk, I know that, but…our minds have been so polluted by society. We are trained to think that if we don’t have blonde hair and blue eyes and a great tan and figure…that we aint pretty. I don’t claim to be attractive, I’m not. I’m not blonde, tanned, nor do I have blue eyes. I don’t have a good figure, but these things don’t make me ugly. My low self-esteem and low opinion of myself does that.

You will never forget where you came from, or the ones you loved…but you do have to take a few chances in life. I say this and I don’t do it. I take chances sometimes, of course who doesn’t? But, I get told off for not taking chances by my non-Christian friend when it comes to guys. I could like a guy and do nothing about, and she doesn’t understand why. Obviously I would do nothing about it if he were not a Christian….but what if he is? Then what? What reason do I have? I always tell her, I’m waiting on the Lord. Sometimes I wish I could just tell a guy that I like him, that would be so easy…but I can’t. I can’t bring myself to tell them until I’ve liked them for ages and just can’t take it anymore. Is that bad? Fear of rejection I suppose, is something that will always be there, obviously…but you will never know if you don’t take that leap of faith.

Take a few chances people, you might be pleasantly surprised by the results you achieve.

peace

girl in the singel lane

dear diary

2006-06-04T01:12:00.000+03:00

Dear diary
Today I saw a boyAnd I wondered if he noticed me
He took my breath away

Dear diary
I can't get him off my mind
And it scares me
'Cause I've never felt this way
No one in this world
Knows me better than you do

So diary I'll confide in you

Dear diary
Today I saw a boy
As he walked by
I thought he smiled at me
And I wondered
Does he know what's in my heart

I tried to smile,
but I could hardly breathe
Should I tell him how I feel
Or would that scare him away

Diary, tell me what to do
Please tell me what to say

Dear diary
One touch of his hand
Now I can't wait to see that boy again
He smiledAnd I thought my heart could fly

Diary,
do you think that we'll be more than friends?
I've got a feeling we'll be so much more

the ball

2006-06-03T20:07:00.000+03:00

Hey all you bloggers out there!!

This could be a long entry just to warn you all. Well last night was the ball that I had been telling you all about. What a night it was. Was I the belle of the ball? No…but someone did say they thought I looked like a princess, which I thought was very sweet. Bless her. Everybody looked amazing!! It was such a good night! The dancing was great, but people kept standing on my dress lol!! Happens all the time though. Everybody had great masks too, there were so pretty!! My darling sister was looking absolutely gorgeous, and Suzanne, the girl who invited me…was stunning!! My poor sister had a touch of sun stroke, but she tried not to let it ruin her night, which it didn’t. one thing that did kinda disappoint me a little was that they sold alcohol. I don’t grudge people drinking don’t get me wrong…I just wasn’t expecting it.

Did I find my prince? I’ll let you know. But lets just take a minute to think…how would I identify my prince? Would he be the guy who asked me to dance with him to every dance even though I kept saying no? Would he be the guy who only considers me a secret friend and won’t speak to me face to face? Would he be the guy who notices just the little chances in me and who remembers the silly things I say? Would he be the guy who saw me from across the room and couldn’t stop looking? Or would he be the guy who treated me the same at the ball as out with the ball? How am I to know? Please feel free to help me out you all, because I don’t know. But I do know this…life in the single lane, aint always easy, especially at events like a ball. You go there, knowing very few people and the few males you know, don’t ask you to dance leaving you to dance with the two girls that you came with. But if you had a boyfriend, then you would always have a partner right? I was reminded of that last night.

In the joy of the night, because believe me it was a great night, a part of me felt so lonely. I was surround by friends (well, kind of) and still felt kind of empty. Someone mentioned a seminar that he had attended about singleness I guess, and the preacher had said something like “you all go and find a wife asap” which I don’t agree with. I think sometimes people think that being single is a time for looking and seeking a partner, when actually, it aint. Going back to Eden, look at Adam. He was asleep when Eve was created, he didn’t search for her, but worked unto the Lord and sought a relationship with Him. Falling his example aint always easy trust me I know. I’ve been single now for almost one year, 4 months and it has had it’s up’s and down’s..as life does have in general. I think sometimes we feel that if we have someone, things will be ok. Like, we will never be alone, we will always have someone to talk to, to dance with, to go long walks with, to simply talk to. To comfort and be comforted by, to get a hug from when you need it most…these are all things that I feel I’m deprived of.

Shame!! You don't always get what you want though right?

peace

girl in the single lane

Belle of the ball vs the ugly step sister

2006-06-01T15:01:00.000+03:00

Hey all you bloggers out there!

How are we all this fine day? Is this strange? A nineteen year old single Christian girl creating a blog? I didn’t think so until yesterday when a good friend made a comment that got me thinking. I am not going to stop this anytime soon, I benefit a lot from it even if no one else does. Is it too deep? I say I am very guarded and don’t let people in, and come on here and spill out my heart and soul…but the difference is…I don’t know who reads this. I don’t know who finds out how I am really feeling. And that doesn’t bother me, because if I don’t know, then they can’t judge me.

Belle of the ball me? I laughed so much when my friend said I would be belle of the ball. I’m more likely to be the ugly step sister, but that’s ok. I aint going to pretend to be something I’m not, I’m going to have a good time. Belle of the ball aint who I am…I have to say, I have deliberately not posted any pictures of me on this because I aint that pretty. I’m ok with that, I have to be, and I’ve lived with being the ugly duckling my whole life. You learn to get used to it. I have a very low self-esteem too in case you have not yet picked up on that, but I get by.

I know in these films that are out there, when the geek does her hair and make-up she actually is a really beautiful girl…but the reality is…I’m not. I’m just that little geek who is full of personality. That’s what I’m known for. My older sister got the brains and the good figure, my twin got the looks and jokes….and me…well I got personality. Go me!!

peace

girl in the single lane

singleness is a gift, not a problem

2006-06-01T01:36:00.000+03:00

hey all!!

I was just speaking to an old friend who shared with me, that he felt being single was a problem. He realised though, that he was able to spend so much more time with God being single. How true is that? I don't grudge relationships at all, please don't misunderstand me, but a relationship requires a lot of time and committment. That is not a bad thing, obviously relationships need a lot of work put into them, that is the only way they will last. Am I right?

From my own experience, keeping a relationship from sinking, can be a never ending job. It can be so exhausting and you can feel like you are doing all the work...ever felt like that? You begin to wonder, what's the point? You are putting more into this relationship than he is, and he's the one getting more out of it. On the other hand, you could be in a wonderful relationship where everything is working out great. Both are putting what is needed into the relationship and the scales are balanced. You both get a lot out of the relationship and can see a very positive future... if that's you, I'm so happy for you...but I can't write anymore on that, because you can't write about something you have never experienced. (well I could, but I wouldn't be able to do it justice).

I think, that this type of relationhip, is the kind you should want to have with you creator. What has He put into it? He has only given you life, oxgen, a family, friends, safety, warmth...in fact He has given you everything that you own. He has given you so much love, you cannot even begin to comprehend. HE loves you to death...even death on a cross. Have you given any of that back to Him? Most of it we can't, but we can do this. We can love Him, follow Him, trust Him and worship Him. He has given us that gift. Why would you want to risk that?

But people, remember...a relationship is not the only thing that can distract you and occupy your time, thousands of other thing can...but it's all about priority.

peace

girl in the single lane

the singleness code

2006-05-31T01:02:00.000+03:00

hey all you bloggers out there!!

How are we all doing this fine evening? My title for today's entry, contains code" because well, it's the in thing at the moment now isn't it? Right now, there is a lot of publicity with the release of the film "the da vince code", which if you ask me, is nothing more than a well written story by a very imagainative writer.

So, what is the singleness code? i don't pretend to know the answers to everything about dating or in fact not dating...but here's what works for me. My dad once said to me, very wisely...if you have booked a table in a diner next to the window, why look at a table somewhere else? Do you all get me? Let me explain. If you have picked the path of singleness, then don't go looking for a laddie or a girl...but keep your eyes on the single path. How hard is that though eh? You can be doing ok being single and then you meet a cute Christian guy...am I right? You spend your time thinking about them and the unrealistic furture with them instead of keeping your head straight and your heart pure.

It's easier said than done is it not? To keep your head straight and your heart pure? But give it a good go, you know with God all things are possible. He will guide you and help you focus your mind on the path He has set before you...and that maybe contain dating, but it might not. Dating is not for me, I know that. I have been hurt too many times in the past (see Heartbreaker got the best of me) and well, God has taught me through my mistakes. So, if God has called you to a life of singleness (perhaps just for a time) then He will give you all the help you need to stay on the path.

peace

girl in the single lane

prince charming

2006-05-28T22:51:00.000+03:00

hey all!!

Do we all have our prince charming out there waiting for us? What do you think? I believe that God has someone special for all of us. A special guy for you girls, and a special girl for you guys. Waiting is never esay, in fact most people say, that is the hardest part. But, it is so important that we do. Someone once said, you have to try a few bad ones, so that you know when the right one comes along...this was their justification for dating. I, disagree. I don't think dating is wrong, if you intend in marrying your prince, but without that intention...I really don't see the point.

Why would you want to give a piece of your heart away to anyone other than your prince charming? Can you imagine this for a second. To quote Joshua Harris...imagine your wedding day. You glide down the isle with your father smiling at you and looking at you with joy in his eyes. All heads are turned to watch you meet your prince at the front of the church. Everyone is smiling at you, but you try to look past them, and look for your prince. You see him standing at the alter, smiling back at you....sounds beautiful right? But, what if this happened. Next to your prince, you see every guy you have ever dated, or had feelings for standing beside him. Your prince looks at you, then looks at your ex partners...crazy thoughts of confussion race through his mind. What do you tell him? Do you tell him..."Oh, don't worry about them, they are just guys who I gave a piece of my heart to along time ago (a piece that you will never get back) but your the one that I love?

Put yourself in his shoes. What if when you met your prince at the alter, a que of beautiful women were lined up behind you? It's not a nice thought now is it? I'm not saying that this will happen, in fact it is highly unlikely...but try imagine it for a second. Even though your prince may never know that you have had previous partners, you will!! When you meet your prince, you have got to be honest with him. Tell him the worst thing you have done, and if he forgives you, no questions asked...then you've got a chance with him.

For all you girls out there seeking their princes...aim to be the best princess you can be, because remember, guys are seeking their princesses too!!

peace

girl in the single lane

A Cinderella story

2006-05-27T23:00:00.000+03:00

hey all you bloggers out there!! how are we all today?

She enters the room, with her long silk pink dress on. All eyes are on her. No-one can truly identify her behind her complimentary mask. She glides across the dance floor, awaiting her prince. Their eyes meet across the ocean of people. As he stands amazed at her beauty, he begins to walk toward his princess. They meet preciously in the middle of the dance floor. They dance together, gazing into each others eyes. Frustratingly though, he cannot identify his true princess. They dance the night away together, and it is the most magical night of their lives. They promise to see each other again after that night…but the hope for tomorrow only hangs in the air. The next time they meet, he passes her by because he still cannot identify his princess…WAKE UP!!

Welcome back to reality folks. This is a lovely dream, a fantasy almost, but things like that, don’t happen to people like me. Don’t get me wrong, things in my life right now, are going by ok. I’m loving my job, and my family are so great. I have a few really great friends and I’m so far, succeeding at Uni. They only down fall to my life is that I haven’t met my prince let. I bet you’re thinking, you’re only 19, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you. That maybe so, but no-one really knows. I don’t necessary want to know my prince and then run away together…of course not. Like I said, I’m only 19 (well almost 20, yikes that’s like half way to 40) and I’m not responsible enough to run away with someone. Sometimes though, It would be nice to know who my prince is, for the sake of knowing that my prince is out there somewhere. But God will reveal that to me when He thinks I’m ready to know.

peace

girl in the single lane

You're my God, You're my best friend

2006-05-27T00:17:00.000+03:00

hey all you bloggers out there, girl in the single lane, checking in!!

Lately, things haven't been so great, but hey, that's life. It aint supposed to be easy now is it? So, what's new then...well, my sister bought me a mask for this ball thing I have coming up...and well, work really. A couple of people have posted a comment on my previous post, and I want to thank them. Although I may not have many friends, I have one who is far greater than the rest. He is beautiful beyond description, too marvellous for words...too wonderful for comprehension, like nothing every seen or heard. He is my strength when I am weak, my helper when I am I need help. He lifts me up when I fall down, and He's always got my back. He never leaves me, but is always by my side. His name is Jesus!!! If you don't know Him, you have not lived.

So, back to boring old work. Most people laugh when I tell them that I enjoy working in McDonalds, but really, dont' knock it till you've tried it. It feels so good to not have to stress out about Uni work all the time, and finally do something, instead of just sitting about the house doing housework. I have met some nice people at my work...and I've met some not so nice people. You know, some people can be so cruel!! Why another human being would wanted to treat another human so badly, is beyond me.

Without suffering, there would be no compassion!! Jesus suffered more than we could ever comprehend. Thank you my Lord. I do not deserve the love you have given me. Thanx

peace

girl in the single lane

thanx for making me a fighter

2006-05-25T15:11:00.000+03:00

Well I thought I knew you, thinking' that you were true
Guess I, I couldn't trust called your bluff time is up
Cause I’ve had enough
You were there by my side, always down for the ride
But your joy ride just came down in flames because your greed sold me out in shame
After all of the stealing and cheating you probably think that I hold resentment for you
But uh uh, oh no, you’re wrong
Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do, I wouldn't know
So I wanna say thank you
Cause it Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

Never saw it coming, all of your backstabbing
Just so you could cash in on a good thing before I’d realize your game
I heard you're going round playing, the victim now
But don't even begin feeling I’m the one to blame
Cause you dug your own grave
After all of the fights and the lies cause you're waiting to haunt me
But that won't work anymore, no more,
It’s over
Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture
I wouldn't know how to be this way now and never back down
So I wanna say thank you

Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

How could this man I thought I knew
Turn out to be unjust so cruel
Could only see the good in you
Pretended not to know the truthYou tried to hide your lies, disguise yourself
Through living in denial

But in the end you'll see
YOU-WON'T-STOP-ME
I am a fighter and I
I isn’t going' stop
There is no turning backI’ve had enough

Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter
Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

when people let you down

2006-05-25T14:52:00.000+03:00

Hey all

We are all only human, which means we get hurt, and we hurt others. People will let you down always, that’s just life. It’s hard to take though, when those closest to you, let you down in a big way. You feel so betrayed and so disappointed, and yes, I guess you do wonder who your real friends are. As I sat and read a comment someone made to my previous post, I started thinking, how many real friends to I actually have? She being one of them…I can think of very few others. How sad is that? I can’t even think of ten people outside of my family who I truly trust. Is that bad?

I’ve made the mistake of trusting people too quickly, and I’m reaping the consequences of that as we speak. God gave us free will to make these mistakes that we might learn from them. Well I’ve learned. Someone was said to me, that I am very guarded. In many ways I am. I’ve learned to be. I open up to people too quickly and end up getting hurt. So yes, I do put up a guard, I have to. When my guard is down, I am way too vulnerable.

There are not a lot of people who actually know that this blog exists and those who do know, I told because I trust them. I don’t think they will judge me or kick when I’m down, like someone did last night, cheers for that. In fact, this will just allow them to get to know me a little better, that’s all.

Thousands of people walk in and out of our lives all the time…in fact some of you reading this, may walk out of my life at some point, maybe even for good. This time next year, I may never see you again. Only time will tell.

If any of you all disagree with anything I’ve said, or if I have offended you, drop me a line (girlinthe_singlelane@hotmail.co.uk) or add a comment (I’ve removed all restrictions meaning you don’t have to have a blog to add a comment). I’m interested you know what you all think.

peace
girl in the single lane

my back hurts, can you remove your knife please?

2006-05-24T21:15:00.000+03:00

Hey all you bloggers out there.

The kiss of betrayal, is something we have all had the unfortunate pleasure of experiencing.

When I say these words, I think about Judas Iscariot and how we betrayed Jesus, but what is more amazing, is the way Jesus responds. To my shame, I have not responded the way I should have. Jesus already knew that Judas would betray Him, sometimes I wish I knew who was going to betray me…then I would do anything that I could, to stop it. Betrayal is not a nice things at all.

Trust can be completely broken, and sometimes, beyond repair. Every felt like that? I do, right now. It hurts. Why would they do that to me? You had no right to boast in the path of my errors, that’s just sick. I told you what I did, in complete confidence and yes I made a huge mistake…trusting you in the first place. That was the worst thing I could have done. I’m so stupid. I get what I deserved though right? Not only have I lost all trust in you, right now, I don’t want anything do to with you. I am finding it really hard you love you, my sister in Christ. You have hurt me in a way that I can’t describe. I heard things about you, and I defended you….and for what? To be told that everyone else was right and that I was just too blind to see it?

Whoever said that old friends are the best…are seriously disturbed. I think it hurts more though when it is an old friend who stabs you in the back. There is only so many back wounds that one girl can take from the same friend…and well this one pierced the heart.

peace

girl in the single lane

a blast from the past

2006-05-23T12:04:00.000+03:00

Hey all!!

Well…that’s me, back at work…guess where at? McDonalds!! I love it in there though, I really do. Call me sad, most people do, but it’s a fun job. I work in the one just off the M74, about an hours work from my house…keeps me fit!!
However, with starting back at work, comes many other things, but I’ve only got time to share one little hiccup with you today. I work here every summer, it’s a great job, really!!! Anyway, as I left one summer, someone else started, we’ll call him Andrew. We worked together for two weeks, and I have vaguely known him from school; he was in the year below me. Anyway, come Valentines Day the next year, my twin received a massive box of chocolates from Thorntons and a CD, 40 ways to say I love you! That year was a lonely year for myself…my long-term relationship had just ended. Anyway…she got this beautiful card with words of gold written in it, signed secret admirer. A month or so following that, I received a letter, from Andrew. In it he wrote that he was in love with me and that he had been wanting to tell me for ages, hoping I would feel the same way. Unfortunately, I didn’t. I felt so bad returning to work that summer, seeing him again made my skin crawl. I saw him yesterday at work, and this time, I felt ok. I am so glad that that can be put behind us.

Anyway, from one exciting thing to another…I don’t know if I have mentioned this, but my family and some others, are starting up a church in our local neighbourhood. Anyway…we had asked if we could use one of the local church halls, to host our meeting (the church where my parents were married) but they kindly rejected us. Anyway…we have a couple of people who want to get baptised and they have allowed us to borrow their hall to carry out this service. It will be June the 23rd, the same day my twin was baptised and the same day of the battle of Bannockburn in 1314. heehee!!

Also, we just finalised a groovy little local for the church too, with the church title being “Hope Christian Fellowship”. How great is God? I mean seriously, when you think about everything that He does for us, how much He loves us unconditionally… and how much He will forever forgive us. Another of my old poems which I wrote, follows.

Jesus

You’re the one who gives me hope
Without you I could not cope
In other peoples time of need
You use me to plant the seed
Thank you Lord for using me
To tell of all You’ve done for me
To tell them of Your love
That You sent from above
You O God, love us so much
After we caused You to be hurt
On the cross You died in pain
Here I am the one to blame
I nailed You to that cross
Without realising what it cost
Yet You continue to love and hold me
In Your arms is where I love to be
You are my Lord and King
Praises to You I will sing
I will see You face to face
In that Holy wondrous place

peace out

girl in the single lane

you think you know a person

2006-05-21T22:58:00.000+03:00

Hey all!! How are we this fine evening?

You think you know a person, and then they turn out to be the exact opposite of what you thought, ever happened to you? Sometimes you see only what you want to see, in a person, that is…all their good points and merits. You can make yourself blind to their faults until you are forced to see them, and deal with them. It is always so much harder when you like the person, because your feelings for them completely cloud your judgement. People, we gotta wake up!!

My father got a shock yesterday when my mum and sisters and myself, returned from dress shopping. Being the person that I am, this was a challenge. Anyway, I found this beautiful pink ball gown (so not me) that my mum had chosen for one of my other sisters. I thought it would be funny to try it on…they all loved it on me. My poor father…it was like one of his three wishes had finally come true…his tomboy daughter wearing a pink dress. Changes like that, are minor, but some changes can be more damaging.

Change can be a good thing, it really can. I know my flaws, I’m the first to admit them, but a little change here, can be so positive. A little push to change, can be just what you need. I don’t believe that people can actually force you to change, but they can strongly encourage you. If you have a problem with someone, address the issue with them, don’t gossip about it. You will only reap what you sow!!

Do not be deceived by this “good guy” image that we so often see. We are all sinners, and some of us are just better at hiding it from our peers than others are. But no one can hide it from God.

peace

girl in the single lane

drowning in your feelings for someone else

2006-05-20T01:03:00.000+03:00

Hey all

How are you all doing? Two blogs in one day, something must be up right? Well, as I continue to write my book and travel back down memory lane, a lot of old difficult situations come to mind, and a lot of old feelings come flooding back. Feelings of awkwardness, guilt, love…so many mixed emotions can be so hard to deal with. I guess that’s why I took up poetry. It allowed me to separate my feelings from each other, and write down a description of each individual feeling. But today, I’m going talk a little about having feelings for someone else.

Sometimes we let our minds be completely occupied with feelings for someone else. They are the only person you can think about, seven nights a week, you lay and think about them. Then you fall asleep and dream about them. Every time your phone beeps, you can’t stop smiling in the hope that it is he who has texted you. You check your email constantly, just in case he has emailed you, and you missed it. Or you sign on MSN and sit and wait for him to appear online, and start a conversation with him, beginning, “I didn’t see you there”. (total lies).

You walk about town, hoping to casually bump into him, and then…every guy you see, looks like him. You take a second look at every guy who passes by, secretly hoping that you will find the one you’re looking for. Even as you walk alone, you are in a daydream, dreaming of the impossible, of an unlikely future that you and this guy will never share.

Sound familiar? Perhaps not…but hey, if all our life experiences were the same, how boring would that be? We would never have anything to share. I don’t get a lot of feedback on my blog, but that’s ok. If it were to help just one other person, I would be truly grateful. I write this because it helps me. Writing it daily helps me to capture the true feelings of today. My poetry has helped me to remember old feelings that I had whilst writing them…I really should try and get back into that.

You know people. Sometimes writing down how you truly feel, helps you to understand what you are actually feeling. When you know that, you can begin to deal with it.

peace

girl in the single lane

being secret friends is shallow

2006-05-19T13:56:00.000+03:00

hey all!
Try this on for size. You meet someone, and get on really great with them. You guys have a lot on common, and stay up all hours texting each other and emailing each other. You tell him (or her) your deepest thoughts and biggest fears, you trust them, and begin to let them in. What’s the catch? To quote from a film, it’s like you are “secret friends”. No one can ever find out. They pass you on the streets and it’s like you don’t exists. Every felt like that? Here’s a poem I wrote a few year back:

Everyday you pass me by

Everyday you pass me by
No hello or goodbye
I wonder if you notice me
But everyday you do not see
I long for you to say hello
But instead you just go
Ignore me as you always do
But why you do, I have no clue
Perhaps you are ashamed to know
Someone’s whose popularity is low
If that’s true I find that sad
That popularity means more than a friend
If that’s what you love and care
Losing it is what you fear
Swallow you pride and do what’s right
Don’t judge others at first sight
Forget you rep for what its worth
Don’t you think we’ve seen enough?
Just you keep on walking by
But I’m still willing to give it a try

Being uncool aint a bad thing people. I’ve lived my whole life being uncool and I’m getting on ok. Oh too often, people who are “cool” think that they are so much better that you…actually, they’re not. I’ve spent a lifetime living in the shadows of others, of those who think they are better than I, and let me tell you, its cold back here. It gets lonely after a while too. It truly saddens me that people feel that their “rep” will be damaged for socialising with a social outcast. What’s worse, is that they do actually care about what other people think. Why spend a lifetime living up to other people’s expectations instead of your own?

Don’t get me wrong, being rejected aint fun, actually it hurts like crazy. But after a few years of this, you learn to expect it. Trust me! If people don’t want to be seen with you, ask yourself, do you want to be seen with them? Do you actually want to associate yourself with someone who is that shallow?

Don’t waste your time trying to fit in, when we are all born to stand out and be ourselves.

peace

girl in the single lane

the difference between dreams and reality.

2006-05-19T02:23:00.000+03:00

Hey all

Our eyes met across the room. There is an ocean of people surrounded us, yet he is the one who catches my eye. No words are exchanged, just a constant stare. He stares back…looks away, then turns back for a second look. Butterflies erupt in my stomach… and I can’t bring myself to say hello. I open my mouth, but not a word comes out. Embarrassed I turn away, hoping that he didn’t see me, but secretly wish he did. Time stopped as we look intently at each other. Can he actually see me? Oh wait, he can, I’m just a disappointment to him; not what he’s looking for.

Bummer! I wish I was popular, then he would like me. If I was cool and had the best clothes around, he would notice me right? I got it…if I found out what kind of girl he likes, I could adopt her persona and pretend to be exactly what he is looking for. Then he will notice me, and will fall in love with me.

Wait a minute… he speaks! Is he actually talking to me? He’s looking at me…but check behind you in case there’s a beautiful blonde standing at you back. No one’s there. He noticed me…signs!!! He leaves…will I see him again? Or have I just lost the only chance I had of talking to my true love?

Love at first sight? Now back to reality. This is not how we will meet our princes and princesses folks. So don’t cling to the dream of what might have been…and start looking to the future of what might actually come true. This is a beautiful dream, but it is just that, a dream. Films would have us believe that this is what actually happens, but it’s not. Sorry to break it to you.

If you have to change any of your values or beliefs for a guy, then he aint the one for you. Sure, be exactly what he is looking for…but then you need to begin the search for yourself. You will be completely lost in this web of lies, this persona of being someone you’re not. I would much rather have a thousand people hate me for who I am (not that hard to find, trust me) than have one person love me for being someone I’m not. Unfortunately, not everyone is the same. Some people feel rather insecure and think they need to change to have someone love them. You don’t. You are all fearfully and wonderfully made by my awesome Father…and well (as my dearest Kirsten used to say), my God doesn’t make junk! He created you the way you are for a special reason, bare with Him. His timing doesn’t always suit us. Want to make Him laugh…tell Him your plans….but His timing is perfect!

Be yourself people and don’t be afraid to stand up for what you believe. And if there’s that person out there that you like…seek God first. He knows best.

peace

girl in the single lane

ever feel like you don't belong?

2006-05-17T11:57:00.000+03:00

Hey all!

Every feel like you don’t belong? I do, all the time. I have just finished my second year at uni. I have been in the same class with the same 32 people, and I still feel like I don’t belong. Don’t get me wrong, they are nice people, but I’m not like them and they are not like me. Sure, they know what I believe and everything, and will randomly ask me a weird question about it…but I still don’t feel like part of the class. I know they mean well. When I tell people I travel to uni, most of them think I’m crazy…its only two trains and about 1hr and a half each way…but that can feel so much longer when you’re all alone. It gives me too much time to think and reflect on my day, which aint always a bad thing.

The funny thing is, I know I’m on the right course, and I know that I’m at the right uni, and I know God wants me to be a social worker…I guess sometimes I need to be reminded of that. I guess I often wonder why? I’m surrounded with people who have one common goal in life – to be a social worker – and yet, I feel so different from them.

Feeling like I don’t belong is the last of my worries, but it doesn’t stop it from being true. When you have had your heart broken, it’s hard to forget the pain…but what is more painful than that, is remembering the good times you shared with that person. That makes it all the more hurtful. I sit and think about this one time, my ex and I spent the day together, walking through this beautiful garden, hand in hand. This was the place his parents had their wedding photos taken. It was so beautiful. I vaguely remembering my happiness, because I know what came next. I guess because of the way in ended…my mind is occupied with those negative memories. Just listening to Kelly Clarkson’s song “Behind those hazel eyes”, I remember the only time he ever saw me cry. I looked to him for comfort, and he did nothing. I felt so alone. I made a promise to myself, that I would never let him see me cry again. That was two years ago, and he hasn’t. I could never let him know that he caused me to cry myself to sleep, night after night

All things said and done, there is hope for the future. My past will continue to haunt me if I don’t deal with it. I liked the fact that I had someone; someone who I thought would never leave me. My future was set. But I kinda like this whole, not knowing, thing. It keeps me on my toes, but it’s exciting, because I know God holds my future, and well His plan is perfect, so how can I possibly be afraid of what’s to come?

peace

girl in the single lane

Hakuna Matata

2006-05-16T13:34:00.000+03:00

Hey all you single people out there!!

Just me, checking in again…wanting to know how you are all doing. Something that I’ve said before, but I think I need to say again is this…people…forget your past. You have to forgive yourself. The bible teaches us that we should love others as yourself…now how can you do that if you don’t love yourself? Just like…how can you forgive others when you can’t forgive yourself? Sometimes we think about all the wrong things we have done and think…how can anyone forgive that? Am I right? Then how can we expect others to forgive our many errors if we can’t forgive them ourselves?

As my good friends Timon and Pumpa once said... Hakuna Matata. It means no worries for the rest of your days. It’s a problem free, philosophy…Hakuna Matata. You put your past behind you, they say. Easier said than done though right? I must confess…moving on aint always easy, in fact, its my biggest struggle in life. My ex hurt me bad, but I forgive him, I really do. But it is so hard to forget the pain and agony that he caused me, but not only me…my family suffered too. We all have a past and sometimes its hard to shake it off. I know. I’m living it. Sometimes a little push in the right direction is what we need. You should never run from your past, and face it head on. The sooner you face it, the sooner you can let go.

To live one day with no regrets, is something I though could never happen, and here it did. Yeah I’ve made mistakes, thousands of them. But now, this very day, I don’t regret making any of them. They have made me who I am today. They have taught me so much and will continue to teach me. I owe a lot to my errors. In fact, I thank the Lord for allowing me to make these stupid mistakes. For giving me the free will to mess up. He is so great!

Hakuna Matata you all

peace

girl in the single lane

practice what you preach

2006-05-15T14:21:00.000+03:00

Hey all!

Just a wee message today folks. Well, I’ve just sat my only exam and it actually went not bad. I’ll let you know for sure though when my results come in. I feel like such a hypocrite right now. Here I am telling you all you put your past behind you and move on and not let if bite you in the back of affect your future. And here I am, considering not going to what could be a very valuable for days training thing for CU committees in the fear of seeing my ex. How shameful. I should go right? I mean the chances are I could go the four days and not see, or perhaps he’s not on the committee this year (although that’s unlikely) or…if worst comes to worst, he could be the first person I bump into outside of my own CU. Which is worst? I could far him at the beginning and get it over with…or send everyday worrying at the thought of what might actually not happen. I’m going to have to be brave one day and just face him, now whether that is sooner or later…only time will tell.

The moral of the story…practice what you preach. You have no right to tell others to do something when you won’t even take your own advice sometimes it takes someone else to highlight this to you…but when they do, thank them. It’s the best thing they can do for you. You know then, that they have got you back and have got your best interest at heart. When someone gives you a little push out of your comfort zone, thank them too...they are only trying to encourage your growth.

It is sometimes too easy to pick at the flaws in others and proclaim that they do not pratice what they preach...make sure you do before you starting picking out flaws in others.

peace

girl in the single lane

life is not a chick flick

2006-05-12T11:39:00.000+03:00

Hey folks!!

I told you all about Mr Popular in high school and how I got noticed right? Well we all have our little movie moments don’t we. Here’s mine. A few weeks after the prom, my fairytale was to begin. I shook with disbelief with what happened next. It was a bright summer’s day, and the summer was drawing near. I went to school as normal, and Mr Popular approached me. To my shock, I was actually able to speak this time. We went for a little walk around the school, when he told me. He told me that at the ball, he noticed me! He had put his feelings for me on the shelf while he dated someone else. Another day, shortly after, he pulled me aside on the way to class, and he told me, he liked me. I was numb! I really did think I was in a movie and was waiting for someone to yell cut. No-one did. As we walked to our class, I watched my feet, my heart was racing and I could not get a sentence out without stuttering. I felt so stupid. I couldn’t help but think I was making a fool of myself in front of Mr cool, my crush. I thought, “Great I have had my chance of making an impression, and I blew it!”.
Well, I didn’t. In fact, this was to be the beginning of a movie. The summer began with a half day at school. I had arranged to meet Mr Popular after school to hang out. The rain was really heavy and I was soaked waiting on him. My jeans were soaked to the knee… he never came. I was so gutted, and felt really let down. I thought, “of course this would happen, he’s popular, I’m not, it’ll never work out”. It would never have worked out anyway, you and I both know that. My sister and my friend went back to ours to get out the ice cream and get out a chick flick – A walk To Remember. This was to be a walk to remember, that no-one could have predicted.
If you’ve seen the film, then you know the scene I’m talking about, but if you haven’t, let me set the scene. Mandy Moore plays Jamie, the vicars daughter, who over flows with faith in God. She is not popular at all, and spends her weekends tutoring children and is involved in the stars and plants club. Shane West, plays Landon, Mr Popular, who has everything…well almost. He’s cool, popular, and loved by everybody, one does he doesn’t have is faith. As punishment for drinking on school grounds, Landon is sentenced to the leading role in the school play, and Jamie, is another leading role. After spending time with her, he sees something in her he hasn’t seen in anyone else. When he realises he likes her, is during the play. She sings Only Hope. Just as she sang the lines “I life my hands and pray, to be only yours, I pray, to be only yours, I pray to be only yours, you’re my only hope”, my door bell rang. It was Mr Popular, completely soaked with rain dripping from his nose. My heart skipped a beat with disbelief. That was my movie moment. We went for a walk, and what a walk it was. That was a walk that I will never forget.

He and I never dated, he wasn’t a Christian. I could feel myself drowning with peer pressure to date him, but I couldn’t bring myself to say yes. I knew deep down that it would never work, we believed in too many different things, but we stayed great friends. The reality of it all is…it couldn’t have worked out better if we tried. We both moved on and entered into relationships with other people…but we still have our memories. Life goes on people…life is not a chick flick. I think sometimes we watch cheesy films and think that’s what love is…but it aint. Please recognise that and don’t set yourself up to fall.

By the way, just little something stupid…if someone catches you looking at them, it’s because they’re looking back.

peace

girl in the single lane

hidden secrets

2006-05-11T13:22:00.000+03:00

Hey all!
How are we all today?? Today’s topic, hehehe is well, the same as always I guess…life and love. Here’s a little poem I wrote a good few years now. Tell me what you think.

Love in the world

Love in a worldly prospective
Is a tickly kind of feeling
Lusting after someone you like
Thinking that you’re dreaming
Everything you see them
You begin to reminisce
Thinking if you lost them
How much you would miss
If it were you only had
One tiny little wish
On the lips of that lad
You would want to kiss

Realistic? I think not. But that is what the movies would have us believe. I don’t doubt that love will be this overwhelming feeling. Its like the wind…you can’t see it, but you feel it. But love…it comes with the good and the bad and the ugly (thank goodness). Love is not just around when things are going great and you’re on an emotional high…but is there in times of sadness, trials and is there through all conflict. Love…never fails!

Another thing…love forgives!!! No matter how many stupid mistakes you’ve made, with dating in the past or with doing other stupid things… you’re forgiven. The one you’re supposed to be with will forgive you no questions asked, because they love you. They don’t care about your past; because they are too busy worrying about their own. You have to reassure them, that you can forgive them for all the things they did before meeting you.

We all have our hidden secrets, and things we’re not ashamed of. But you can’t go on living the lie. Honesty, is the best policy. If they can’t forgive you, they’re not the one for you. I don’t pretend to know the answers to everything, but I have my own experience and I have my beliefs. They have got me this far, so I’m going to stick with it. If it’s not broken…don’t fix it.

peace

girl in the single lane

it's time to move on

2006-05-10T11:28:00.000+03:00

Hey all you folks out there.

I just want to let in on a little secret people. No one is perfect!! And I’m no one, just kidding! We all make mistakes in our past…but we have to let these go and move on and more importantly, learn from these.

One of the most discouraging things ever, is when a friend constantly reminds you of a time where you tripped in your walk with God. It’s not always nice to be reminded about our past sin, but you have to ask yourself, why are they forever bringing this up? Is it because they are trying to cover their own flaws and are that insecure that they have to pick out yours? Or could it be because they are trying to help you and it’s done in love? I guess only that person will know themselves. But we so easily misinterpreted things don’t we?

To quote from a chick flick, a safe one at that…when you are so lonely and long for a partner, you are blind to their flaws…but when you look at yourself, flaws is all you see. Sound familiar? You many not be proud of your past…who is? But that doesn’t mean you should hold on to it and let it affect your future. I look at some of the stupid things I’ve done and think…man how could you do that? Like for example, ending a two and a half year relationship via text…I’m not proud of that at all. I’ve learned from it and would do things differently now. If I hade the knowledge I have now, then, things would have been different, but it’s hard to imagine. He showed me a lot too, he actually forgave me! Talk about unconditional Christian love.

I look at my life now, and think…look where I am at, I would not be as educated as I am if I didn’t make the hundreds of mistakes that I have done…and you know what, I’ll continue to make mistakes, after all, I’m only human. And so are you. Don’t let your mistakes put you down or control your life, give them up to God, He’s forgiven you, you have to forgive yourself.

peace

girl in the single lane

all dressed up and good to go

2006-05-09T15:46:00.000+03:00

Hey all!

To be honest, I don’t have much to share with you all today…I’ve just been studying for my exam and preparing my bible study, which I will be leading tonight, on….you got it, dating! Obviously.

I have a ball coming up, which has lead my mind to wonder back down memory road to high school, when I had my prom there. There was this lad I liked, Mr Popular, and me the geek of the class…it would never have worked out (for one reason only, he wasn’t a Christian). Anyway, I am not a particularly girlie girl, I wear what I want when I want and do not dress to impress. So dressing up for a ball, was new to me. It was fun and kinda exciting, seeing myself in a whole new light, whole new wardrobe and even make-up. He noticed me! I was all dressed up and good to go…and he noticed me. I went to his school for years and it took a ball gown, make-up and a whole new look, for him to notice me. I rejoiced in that at the time, but I’ve grown since then.

My prince will notice me just as I am. I won’t have to be dress all fancy, or have my hair all done up for him to notice me. He’ll see me for who I really am, and will like me for that. I won’t have to dress to catch his attention, no, not at all. In fact it will be the opposite. I will be myself, be true to myself…and he will accept that, no questions asked.

I’m so totally nervous about going to this ball though. My friend Suzanne is going and I said I would go with her…so the chance of me actually knowing anyone else, are slim to none. I’m the only person from my CU who is going. Lucky me! It should be fun though, I’m sure it will be.

Anyway folks, my study books are calling to be read, so I must dash, and get back to my studying.

peace

girl in the single lane

pointless worrying, is unavoidable

2006-05-08T17:33:00.000+03:00

Hey you all out there, just me!
One of the many joys of life as a student, is the stress of exams…what fun eh? Sometimes unfortunately, we let our stresses control our lives. We get so caught up in worrying about exams, that we become overwhelmed with worry….and for what?
Chuck Smith once said, very wisely, that worrying is like a rocking chair…sure it gives you something to do and will fill the time easily, but it will get you no where! He was right. Easier said than done is this: don’t stress! Try and not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. I did say that was easier said than done. We won’t be human if we didn’t worry a little about exams and get nervous just before sitting them. But try not let ALL your thoughts be revolved around worrying about exams…especially those you have already sat, because there isn’t anything you can do now. Leave your past behind you and move on.

If you lived to be 86 years old, think about how insignificant today will be. Although it is important to do well and study hard to achieve the goals that you desire…failing is not the end of the world. You never know what surprise will be lurking around the corner, so life goes on.

peace

girl in the single lane

what to do when life gets you down

2006-05-07T22:52:00.000+03:00

Hey all
How are you all doing? Just me checking in again with you all. Life is full of surprises and not all of them are good surprises. We can be hit with bad news that can through us off, and distract us, and fill our minds with thoughts, completely occupying them. This is never a good thing. Bad news, is always harder to accept that good news, but why? Very often bad news, comes as such a surprise to us that we are in shock and full of disbelief. How we handle ourselves in these situations, is dependant upon how much we let people in. if we don’t let anyone in and let no one of what’s going on, then you are forced to keep it inside and push your emotions aside. This is not healthy.

What can I recommend? Confined in someone, a friend is preferred obviously, most people find it easier to tell a friend when they are upset about something. Pray with them! God has given us this amazing gift of being able to pray with one another, so lets make the most of this. Christian friends, for me are few… my CU is rather small. I was in contact with a great group of Christians, but sadly our differences separated us. Now, I have a few a meet with weekly, and outside of my CU, and my four friends at church…the only other Christians I meet, are through other CU’s in Glasgow.

Spread your wings people. Staying in one group isn’t always beneficial. But instead go out and explore new things and new people. People you have not met, will only educate you…trust me, you can learn a lot from someone you don’t really know. You can also be encouraged. Having someone else pray for you, is one of the kindest thing anyone can ever do for you, so I encourage you to do that.

peace

girl in the single lane

time for yourself

2006-05-05T23:20:00.000+03:00

hey folks!

Just a wee message to tell you all of the valuable lesson I learned this week, well one of them. In all that you do in your life, work, uni, or church events...do them ALL for the Lord. He has called you to a place for a reason and will not take you from that place, until He has something bigger and better for you to do. It is important though, that you all do rest too. I have been stressed out my mind this past week with so much that has been going on, from family in hospital to meeting uni deadlines, to going to every meeting under the sun..... but you know what? It's ok. I don't know how and I don't know why, but I do know this... I always make it through. It's like when I have to meet a deadline and I need a little more time...I find I use my time more wisely and it seems to last longer...like God gave me the extra hour I needed. Without Him, I would not be able to do half the things I do when I'm stresses. He is faithful to answer.

Sometimes, we get so caught up in everything that we do, that we forget why we are doing what it is that we are doing.... and sometimes, we're in so deep, and can't find ourselves. Sound familiar? That's the story of my life.

God created seven days, so that mankind may rest on the seventh and keep it holy, so do jsut that folks. Don't work yourself too hard. And remember...if you do things for your own glory and not because God has lead you to do that... then you've got your reward.

peace out

girl in the single lane

there is no I in team

2006-05-04T16:11:00.000+03:00

Hey all you bloggers
Girl in the single here, just checking in with you all. No much happening this week the average stresses that comes with being a student. Only one exam and two essays, can’t complain. There’s something that’s being playing on my mind this week and is something that came up again today in class…that is this. When working together in a group, from doing a presentation to doing a bible study, we all have to recognise that everybody has their own strengths and weaknesses. It is our duty, when working together that, we encourage people to excise their strengths and support their weaknesses. We should of course, encourage them to step out of their comfort zones, but you can’t push them out when you feel like it. They have to be ready to step out. Compromise comes in here. The ability to compromise is something which is crucial on working together.

Being able to compromise is something that is essential for marriage, because then, you have somebody else to think about. you have to pur their needs before your own, which isn't always easy. But try.... and remember folks, there’s no I in team.

Peace out

Girl in the single lane

lonliness kills

2006-05-03T15:00:00.000+03:00

hey all!
how are you all doing? Being single has it's up's and down's, but is something we all go through. I would not being doing what I am, if I was in a relationship, but, you don't have to be part of every Chrurch event, and do everything to serve the Lord. Not at all...no matter where God places you, you can serve Him. He has placed me at Uni, and there I serve Him. I do encourage that you get involved in church things, but if you take on everything, then you can't put everythin you got, into just one of them. So, all of them do not get the attention they need, and sometimes, God is the one who is pushed aside. God can use you in the oddest of places, from Uni, to working in McD's...just have faith.

Lonliness, is a bummer. I guess sometimes we just feel so alone and seek, not necessarily a companion, but even a friend...someone who can be there for you, to give you a big hug when you need. Someone who, does not need to be told somethings wrong, but knows you well enough to know when something is wrong. I have very few friends who are like that, and those who are, I rarely see, for many different reasons. I am so lucky to have two amazing sisters who are always there for me...but sometimes it's good to get the view and opinion of an outsider you know? I love them to bits though, and wouldn't change them for the world.

Don't let your feeling of lonliness take over all that you do... but instead rejoice in knowing that the Lord will never leave you.

peace

girl in the single lane

heartbreaker got the best of me

2006-05-02T13:41:00.000+03:00

hey all!
Here’s my story in brief. His name shall not be disclosed for obvious reasons, but for the purpose of this, I will call him David. I met him a few years ago on holiday at a Christian conference centre in the south of England. About 6 years ago I first laid eyes on him and we quickly became friends. Years passed by with very little contact made, in fact the only time we talked was at the conference centre. Things were about to take a drastic turn. My family and I went back to the conference centre in 2002, that’s when I felt something for him. we began to write letters to each other regularly, only to discover that he liked me too. He invited my sister and I to join him and his cousin at a beach mission in the north of England the next year. We went. The week was not the best as my sister and I were two of the three Scottish people there. Anyway, one night I was talking to David about how we felt, I was only 15 at the time, just turning 16. We talked for a little bit then he told me that basically when he meets “THE ONE” he wants to marry her, and it was like p.s. you’re “THE ONE”!! I was like ahhhhhh ok. Anyway, from here we continued to write to each other regularly, texted each other all the time and phoned each other too. (He lived in the middle of England, and I in Scotland, it was difficult to see each other regularly). A year passed and we saw each other again at the same resort and spent the week together. Another year passed and we did the same, except this time, things were different. We spent a lot more time along just talking and things…taking long walks together. It appeared to be love. No-one could have predicted what was going to happen next. That year, 2004 I went down to visit him where I met his church, and the rest of his family. Most people in the church were so unfriendly to me, but of course you get the odd one or two who are overly friendly…they are those you remember. Anyway, I had a great time, I was lovely spending so much time with him but… things took a 180 degree turn. Shortly after, we had a fight about where we would live if we were to marry. This did not end particularly well. He came up here just after Christmas and for New Year (2005). This was the last time I was ever going to see him, if I’d known; perhaps things wouldn’t have ended so abruptly. He became very clingy and I couldn’t breathe when I was around him. We had previously agreed that we would save our first kiss for the alter…call me old-fashioned if you wish but each to their own right? We were happy with this arrangement, or so I thought. The day before he left, he stole that from me. I was so angry at him, I hated him! It took me so long to forgive him, but after a lot of help from the Lord, I was able to. We have barely spoken since. There have been two phone calls since that day, one to end the relationship, which I did, and the other to try and selvage a friendship. I failed on that latter part. We had agreed that we wouldn’t contact each other for a full week, and pray about things, and then talk about where we thought we stood with each other. That was set on the Friday night, but Sunday I knew what do to… I had to carry this awful feeling with me for a week, trying to think of ways to tell him it had to end without hurting him. Friday came…sign of relief; I could finally get this off my chest. I received a text message from him…he couldn’t fit me into his busy schedule. My heart broke! We had been looking at engagement rings just a month before and I couldn’t understand the pain I felt. I think one of the things that hurt the most out of this relationship ending, was that I lost many friends. I was friendly with many of his friends and particularly with his sister… I lost them all in the blink of an eye.

I guess in myself I didn’t always know why I had to end this relationship, but things have been so great for me since. I have learned a lot from my experience. If God tells you to go to Nineveh, then go to Nineveh and it will be so worth it. He has bigger and better plans for you life, but you have to let Him take control. I never really knew how my experience could help anyone or what good could possibly come from it…but this was made clear to me just under a year ago. The summer of 2005, the year my life changed and I was single again, I was invited to a summer bible camp to go as a leader and help out there. I was asked mid-week to share my testimony, something which I had never done before. Nervous me, went outside to seek God, to ask Him what He wanted me to talk about. My mind was flooded with all my memories of David and the relationship we shared together. I knew then, this was what I was to share with this group of young people. I had never met most of these people, so they didn’t know me, or my past. In fast, few of my friends actually knew everything that happened that led to my relationship with David ending. So to share this with a group of strangers, was the scariest thing I think I have ever done. I sought the Lord for strength to say what He wanted me to say, and I did it. I went up and shared with these people, something I hadn’t even told my best friend. Of course, I began to cry whilst sharing this with them. I felt so stupid. A dear friend saved me when he brought me a role of toilet paper which had been in the hall from the night before. I looked out into the audience and saw another dear friend crying because of what I was saying, this didn’t help me. After the meeting more than one person thanked me for sharing all that I did, and they told me that they learned a lot from what I had said. One said, that they needed to hear what I had said; perhaps they were in a similar situation that I was once in.

Everything happens for a reason and more often than not, the reason does not present itself clear until some time down the line… but don’t give up…you’ll discover why it happened when you need to.

peace out

girl in the single lane

love or lust

2006-05-01T19:09:00.000+03:00

hey folks!
As I sat and typed up a devotional today, I started to think about things again, as you do. There are a lot of people, especially women, who are looking for love in all the wrong places....and as a result, they are finding love in fake and fictitious people. I include myself when I say that. I think sometimes we get so lonely, that we will look anywhere, for someone...anyone who will love us. More often than not, these returned feelings, are completely fake. Some people will tell you that they "like" you because it's what you want to hear, and they know that. It might seem great, like woohoo, this guy I like finally likes me back. Sometimes he will, other times it will just be completely fake. Let me tell you, finding out it's completely fake, hurts more than being told they don't "like" you like that, up front.

I can't stress enough people, don't pretend to like someone to get something from them or because you think thats what they want to hear, or because telling them you like them will make them happy. Because, if it's fake, it will backfire and people will only end up hurt. I think it's so important to know the difference between love and lust. What is love? Have I ever been in love? I'll let you know

peace

girl in the single lane

we all have up and down days

2006-04-30T17:17:00.000+03:00

hey folks!
Sometimes we can be in a sea of people, and feel so lonely, or on the other hand, we could be alone, and not feel lonely at all. It sounds crazy, but I know what I mean. Like, I can be drowning in an ocean of people, and feel like I don't belong, or feel empty and so alone...but then there are times where, I am walking alone to catch my train, and I feel like I'm amongst friends.

We all have days when we can't stop smiling or laughing and all we want to do is have a great time and have fun and everything goes the way you planned. But we also have those days where, everything that could go wrong for you, does go wrong and all you want to do is sit on the cornor hugging your favourite teddy, hoping that the day will just end. We have all been there I know.... but we always tend to remember those days that are the saddest. I can't remember the last time I had so much fun that my face hurt from laughing too much, but I can say, it must have been at least a good few months ago. But, I can remember the last time I felt sad, or frustrated because everything that could go wrong did...and i totally made an eejit of myself - just a few weeks ago.

I tend to find, that most of the time, I have fun, but my face doesn't hurt from smiling...and things go the way I planned, but rarely. Want to make God laugh...tell Him your plans. I am usually happy, but not excited...and not depressed. I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future and I can take comfort in that. Just sometimes, I wish I did know some of what was going to happen in my life so that I could prepare myself. I guess I should prepare myself for many things incase they do happen.

peace

God bless

girl in the single lane

trying to fit in

2006-04-29T10:49:00.000+03:00

hey all

Sometimes, we can be overwhelmed with lonliness and seek a partner, or turn to a subtance (ie drugs, alcohol...) for comfort. Well, we are looking in the wrong places, only God can give you the comfort you need. Trying to fit, is something drummed into our little minds by society, as a must, but I disagree. We are all individual people, so why not just be yourself instead of a clone of someone else? I mean, can you imagine everybody dressing the same, doing the same, and listening to the same music and believing the same?? That would be a very boring world!

I don't drink, do drugs or smoke, go to the dancing and I do not believe in sex before marriage... some say, I haven't lived. I say, I have!! Being different aint always easy, trust me, I know, I wrote the book... but I can't imagine my life any differently! If I did not do the things I have, I would not have learned from my mistakes, which brought me to where I am today.

Being different is a good thing, I think. Although, society will contradict that statement, fitting in isn't everything, especially in high school. Thousands of us live through high school being uncool, and survive coming out the other end, a successful student.

Stand up for what you believe always!

peace

girl in the single lane

it's ok to feel sad

2006-04-28T11:41:00.000+03:00

hey all you bloggers out there, how are you all doing??
Sometimes, I wonder, is it ok to be sad. I mean I have Christ to live for, and for that I should be happy and be joyful, and I am, don't be mislead here. Being a follower of Him is amazing, I couldn't even begin to describe the peace I have with Him. Things in this world though, will get you down, that's for sure, but it is how you deal with these difficult situations that helps you deal with your feelings.

Death is a comma, not a fullstop.

Without suffering there would be no compassion, I know, tell that to those who suffer right? Saddness can affect everything that you do, in fact, it most likely will. Try not let your mind be completely occupied with your sad thoughts, although this is easier said than done. You have to ask yourself, why are you feeling sad? Is it because of suffering that someone else is giong through, or are you just sad because you feel alone? You are never alone!Christ will always be with you no matter where you go!

smile because Jesus, the maker of heaven and earth who gave you life, loves you so much!!

peace

girl in the single lane

using singleness to your advantage

2006-04-28T00:00:00.000+03:00

hey all

Like I said before, I do often wonder if I would be doing half the things I am, if I wasn't single, and the answer is...no I wouldn't. I think what my greatest comfort is the creation of Adam. Adam lived a time when he was single, during which he got to know God, named all the animals, and worked. God saw that the was a time when Adam needed a help mate, a partner. Adam didn't go searching for Eve, but was actually sleeping when she was created specifically for him. I mean how cool is that. God knows when you are going to need a help mate, but not only that, He has created that person, just for you, specifically for you. How exciting!!??!!

I know that being single aint always fun, but take advantage of this time because when you all get married, you will have very little time to yourself. With marriage you take on thousands of responsibilites, but not only that, you actually have to start thinking about someone else.

So, make the most of singleness, it truly is a gift.

peace out

girl in the single lane

staying pure in a dirty world

2006-04-27T11:22:00.000+03:00

hey all
how are you all today?? As I was preparing a bible study last night, I started thinking about the difficulties of staying pure in today's society. I mean, nowadays, it is so cool to sleep around and wear belts and calling them skirts. Am I the only one who feels uncomfortable about this? Unlikely. We live in a world that teaches us, to strive to fit in with the "cool" people, and to follow the poor example set by our celebs. Some role models!!
Skinny is in, they say, but what they actually mean, is if you ain't a size 8, you're ugly and not cool. How shallow!!

It doesn't matter what you look like, or how modestly you dress (the more modest, the better if you ask me) or what your waist size is, when you find the one you are supposed to be with, they will love you for you. They will love everything about you, your waist size, your fashion, your personality...everything! That's what true love is!

The media has polluted our minds into thinking we have to be skinny to be beautiful, well news flash, everyone is beautiful, because my God, doesn't make junk! He made us all, fearfully and wonderfully!!

But how does one keep oneself pure? Well, one has to seek God for guidence and help. But you can o some basic things, like, dress modestly, (what right do you have to cause your brother to sin?) set barriers that cannot be moved, when in a relationship, and use your head.

Peace

girl in the single lane

guarding your heart

2006-04-26T14:29:00.000+03:00

hey
From one singleton to another, just cheking in!!! I just wanted to share a little secret with you all out there. A year ago on the 19th of April, I bought my ring that I told you all about, but I also started someting else that day. Inspired my by Rebecca St James, I started writing letters to my husband on the 19th of April 2005. I wrote my first letter beginning like this

"My dearest husband"

It feels so weird writing a letter to someone praying daily for someone who I don't know if I've met yet. It's kinda cool thought too!! This is the guy that I am going to love upon meeting him, the guy I will look forward to seeing, the guy who I will think about everytime my phone goes in the hope that it is he, who is calling/texting. He is going to be the guy I do actaully grow old with, get married too, spend time in prayer with and go long walks on the beach with too!! How exciting!?!?!?!Let me tell you though, writing these letters and wearing this ring, work for me. My ring is a daily reminder of my promsie to both him, and to God more importantly, and that keeps me going! Waiting is never easy, but it will be worth it.

guard you heart
peace out

girl in the single lane

We all have a past

2006-04-26T11:48:00.000+03:00

hey all
how are we all today? To all those single people out there, I've got news for you. We all have a past people, including me. I too, have had my fair share of bad, hurtful relationships; you think you know a person, and they turn out to be someone else. You think, yeh, ok he's the one, the one I will marry, and grow old with... and then, in the blink of an eye, it crashes and burns and blows up in your face. I know, I've been there, we all have. It is important though people, that we learn from these mistakes. My heartbreaking relationship has taught me so much, and has given me a different perspective on things. Although I didn't agree with dating before entering into courtship with this person.. I have also been shown the dangers of not setting boundaries which are mutually agreed.

Like I said, we all have our past, our past mistakes and our past merits...these are what make us who we are today, without these, we would not know what we do now.

Leave you past behind you and move on. Although you can't ever really forget it, and the hurt these people caused you, you can be strong and move on from them, and not let them ruin every relationship you will ever have.

The past is history, tomorrow's a mystery. Today's a gift, that's why it's called the present!!
take care you'all

Peace
girl in the single lane

feeling lonely

2006-04-25T14:38:00.000+03:00

hey all you single folk out there, just a note to say, you are not alone. Feeling lonely is something which hits us all at some stage in our lives, but it's how we deal with it, that shows people how we feel. I believe that being single is a gift, a precious gift from our Lord. I think about all the things I do for God and wonder, would I be able to do these things, if I were not single? It's unlikely. As a University Student, my mind is focused on course work (most of the time) during semester time, but these long holidays, are a killer. All these girlie chick flicks with happy endings (you know the ones), make you wish that you had someone. Well, you can. Your maker is your husband!! He will never leave you, and will love you know matter what. How many of us can actually relate that to someone else you know? I know my earthly father will never leave me and will love me always, but this is a different kind of love.

You may have worked out that I dont' agree with dating. I wear a Purity ring which says "I'll Wait" which is a vow to my husband, whoever he may be, that I will wait for him. Someimes it feels like I'm wating for rain in a drought, but hey, patience!! I know it's hard, but keep at it. He'll be worth the wait, I promise.

Anyway, Peace out
God bless

girl in the single lane